I'm being ghosted. Tell me your ghosting stories!

[Casperandme]

I think I'm about to be ghosted after a couple of months of pretty intense contact etc. It was all fine and dandy then last week he was 'busy' so the responses were few and far between and no conversations were started by him at all (which was a complete change). Then: like a stone between the eyes, a message with no response.

And the thing that is truly horrid about ghosting is when you're an optimist like I am you take the messages at face value (maybe he is busy! Maybe he's lost his phone!) because you think they are a nice person that wouldn't do that etc.

So in my case you message again to be sure, and the message is seen but not responded to It's now been a week since we've had a normal conversation/seen each other.

I know I need to sit on my hands to retain my dignity but it's soooo hard to not have some sort of closure or to keep trying, chanting to myself: he's just busy etc. Plus I get so angry about feeling like this, and that I'm being treated like this by someone I trusted.

What are your ghosting stories? How did you cope? Any tips?

Oneman that's horrid!!

I would love to talk to someone who's ghosted someone about how they feel about it later.

I think this man in question has a form for this sort of thing - the more I think back the more things jump out that didn't before. Like the girl where things petered out, as well as another one that he was really close to then things "went weird".

An ex of mine ghosted me after 8 months. He was super intense and was the driving force behind the relationship. One night we were supposed to go for dinner (with his brother and his wife!) and I text to see what restaurant we were going to. No reply. Called a few times. Started panicking as it wasn’t like him and actually went around to his flat the following day to see was he in. He was, his car was outside and the TV was on but he didn’t answer the door. I was pretty confused and upset but deleted his number and moved on after crying for a few days.

A year later he messaged me telling me he loved me and had made a terrible mistake but he was confused by the dept of his feelings for me and was frightened. I thought it was a wrong number at first but soon figured out who it was and had a good laugh at the sheer cheek. What an absolute lunatic

sailor that's the sort of closure you usually only get in the movies! It must have felt good in the end.

Another thing I hate about ghosting (my final rant I promise) is we women are conditioned not to be "crazy" or "needy" or "high maintenance" which is well and good until you're stuck in a corner and want to be all of those things because you're hurt and the man in question is acting like a douche but you also know that if you do they will think "this is why I tried to ghost her! See! She's nuts!"

Reacting badly to being dropped like a stone, is a normal, human response. (Dare I say and sorry to reiterate, that's why most ghosters avoid it, because they know they're about to hurt someone else and they don't want to be there to witness it...) It's not needy to be completely confused by it. The hardest thing I think is that when someone so obviously lets you go...Let. Them. Go. It's excruciating to go quietly but ultimately, it's going to hurt either way, the only part you can effect is how much your reaction ends up hurting you. deleted his number and wait for him to come sniffing around (which he will) at which point you'll be sooo over him. Promise.

That’s so well put, that it hurts either way so don’t let my reaction hurt me. Thank you. I’m going to write that as a note on my phone to look at if I get tempted to message.

OP why don't you just ditch him? Simply send a message to say look this isn't working out for me and I think it best we don't contact each other again.

I was ghosted recently too (had never heard of the term until my friend told me!). Quite a newby to OLD, had had a lot of contact with a guy who pursued me online, went on a couple of dates which went really well, a few more messages between us then nothing! He was quite sporadic with his messaging anyway but after a few days I realised he wasn't getting in touch again so messaged him one last time to say that I assume he didn't want to see me again, which is a shame as I thought we got on well but that I wished him all the best. I got closure that way, even though I didn't get a response.
I had already been on a date with someone else at that point and 2 months on things are going great and he returns messages!

Being ghosted does hurt though - it's a rejection without the rejection!

think i'd have to send one last "i'm out" message calling out the cowardice (politely though, so it didn't look like i was traumatised).

i know it would be unlikely to make any difference to how things turn out, but you know he'd definitely see it.

then he'd either suffer a pang of guilt (or more) - slight result for you.
or he wouldn't give a shiny shite - no different to where you are now.

I'm being ghosted at the moment as well. Like a fool I sent him an email this morning. The ghosting started last Monday and I've felt like shite ever since. However just met a really good mate for a tea and we've just had the funniest laugh about it so hopefully I'm starting to get over it. Perhaps the email I sent him this morning gave me a bit of closure. Who knows but right now I feel good. Good luck to everyone. I just find it exceptionally cruel.

When someone tried to ghost me after dating for 4 months, after a week of NC I sent him the following text:

^Hi xxx, I am not one to walk away without saying goodbye. I enjoyed spending time with you, but I think we want different things and this is not working. I hope you understand and wish you all the best."
^
A couple of days later he replied back apologizing and essentially agreeing with what I had said. Taking control of the situation and showing him that I was the better person, who refused to just part ways without saying goodbye, made me feel loads better.

I don't allow ghosting. To hell with pride and dignity - people need to learn how to manage relationships, and part of that is learning how to break up with someone. No one enjoys it, but if you want to have a relationship, you have to be prepared to know how to end one.

By quietly disappearing and blocking them, the ghoster just thinks that what they've done is OK.

I would call them, make them dump me, make them acknowledge that we had a relationship and that they are ending it, make them see how it affects me. This is all part of life and relationships. I'm not letting anyone get off lightly!

what if they dont answer mintychocs? honestly if i was ghosting someone and they called me i wouldnt answer

I had a guy ghost me and I called him out on it - he then proceeded to gaslight me, basically making out that I’d totally overreacted and had therefore ‘ruined it’. A while later he started things up again, then started being extra flakey and useless so I was like SEE YA. A few months on he begged me for another chance, eventually I relented and yes, he was a flakey twat again (obvs by this point I didn’t give a shit) so I ended it.

He then periodically texted me over the next two years (!) saying how amazing I was, would I meet up again, he’d changed etc which I ignored, finally this year explaining that I had a boyfriend so no point him contacting me. Doubtless if I had given him another chance he’d have done exactly the same thing again for the rest of actual time.

Consider this a win OP as you can now go out with someone emotionally mature and capable of a relationship and treating people with respect.

Minty - a ghoster wouldn't answer the calls/open the door.

I was ghosted by my boyfriend of 3 years, who I lived with, had a dog/cat with. One night I was upstairs in bed trying to sleep and I heard the door shut and the gate close - he left, taking only the clothes on his back. For about 4 days I was inconsolable, I didn't leave the house aside from walking the dog. I messaged, called, emailed, I drove to his parents/grandparents, spoke to his family etc. Nothing. I messaged incessantly. Then, I packed my stuff and left, I took my dog and rang his nana to tell her I'd left and someone would need to sort the cat and then I posted the keys.

Incidentally, he contacted me a few months later. He'd sold the house, got sacked from his job and moved back in with his parents.

It's cruel and cowardly. I would say any contact just fuels their, "this is why I ghosted, she's crazy" rubbish. But then I do agree that they shouldn't get away with it so easily, but if someone has literally disappeared there is nothing you can do to hold them accountable for their actions.

Oh, i forgot to add, my current name change is because I was ghosted by someone I dated and I wanted to know "why" too.

I was seeing him for a good few months, we had constant contact, saw each other loads etc. One day I dropped him at work and didn't hear from him again. A few weeks later I messaged and asked why the sponsored silence. He apologised for being a dick and invited me round... I declined.

I've been ghosted usually I have it out with them within 24 hours. I don't take crap if they don't respond I call them at their work or their office or even suggested putting in a missing persons report to the police as "it's out of character" and it takes the control away from them. Of course I pretend it because I'm concerned. They always deny ghosting too. I can't stand that full on texting you constantly then abruptly stopping, grow some balls. Yes they've always got in touch again. Don't have anything again to do with these people. You've seen their spots. If someone told me they were suddenly too busy. I would just block them immediately in my experience they get angry when you do this then he'll try to contact via another source calling you impatient etc. It's a game.

I was ghosted to after meeting in OLD, everything went great for few months. Contact always initiated by him, was so lovely & caring but with hindsight I know now I was love bombed. Then suddenly no reply to message, we were due to go to an event, I messaged but no reply so left it.. week later still no reply so I blocked him in everything. Saw on social media a few weeks later he was dating someone else (mutual friends showed me his fb full of him & new woman). Few months later out of blue he sent me a sorry message from a new fb account. I never replied & just blocked it. Mutual friends told me she'd dumped him & he was going on about the injustice of it all... boo hoo. Appears she ghosted him, karma eh! I'm now happily engaged and see the sad fucker ever now and again at pubs /gigs, it's a small community. He's always with his son or a mate, no sign of a date. I've never made eye contact or acknowledged his presence. Am too busy having fun with my handsome hunk & couldn't give a stuff now. When he ghosted me it was my first experience of anything like that and I was so hurt & mystified thinking what's wrong with me or what had I done. Now realise it was sod all to do with me and all about them. He thought he'd ghost me for something better. He's just a sad middle aged. Don't give home any more of your headspace or time. Move onwards & upwards

Sorry sad middle aged git

Don't call

Leave it, move on

I have been ghosted. It hurts. But I've always seen it coming. It's always the ones who are super intense. Then they shit themselves and run. And do it again.

It's actually so predictable, it's boring.

Last person who did it to me I told him what he was doing and he arranged to meet me to understand. He was so non self aware he hadn't actually realised the impact of what he was doing. He was actually quite horrified to hear about the impact of his actions. We are, weirdly, still in touch as friends now and every now and then he has dating trouble and he speaks to me

OK - here's the take from the Ghost's point of view.
In the summer, I logged onto a sex contact website, paid my money and got chatting to a couple of women. The electronic 'chat' was extremely spicy and stimulating for all parties concerned. With one woman, the conversation moved on to real time, real life phone calls during which there was a great deal of satisfaction for both sides. Things actually cooled down (they HAD to - they couldn't have got hotter!) and over the summer, I moved on, mentally. I left the website and went back, so to speak, to my wife and family. So - it was just a mad summer 'fling', modern style. Only the thing is, she will not leave me along. There have been lots of emails, of varying tone, some distinctly hostile, almost scary in their intensity, others wheedling and some just downright strange.
OK - I am a middle aged man in a respectable job. I have four kids and wife who would utterly horrified and disgusted at my conduct. In my defence, no one got hurt, I did not leave the family, or risk my wife's health. The woman concerned was in a very responsible job, yes, she is a lot younger than me - 33 to my 54 - but she is an adult none the less. She is actually in a relationship with a woman who I assume knows nothing of her lover's conduct. I find it hard to understand why it is so difficult for her to just accept that whatever 'it' was, has happened and is over. Why bombard me with emails, phone calls that have no number associated (but I know fine well that it is her). It is done with. That is why I ghost her.

I was just ghosted and he stalks me at same time. It made Me crazy for first few months. But then you decide you are not with that treatment. You will want to contact him cause you get so mad. Do not. Trust me It does Not help. Find some friends to keep you busy.

Thesaxmum That's well sleazy!

You will get your chance to confront him. Thats the thing about people of this ilk, they always pop up again.
Hopefully by then you will be over the twatface, looking fab and feeling strong and then you can say one of two things:
You can calmly tell him how shitty his attitude is
Or
My personal favourite 'who is this, soz think you have the wrong number'.
In the meantime, closure is overrated. It rarely is what we want it to be. Unless you both want it to end, then it tends to just sound like excuses. Work on providing your own closure. See it for what it was, see him for who he is and move along knowing that you are worth more than he would ever give you.

Those stories about people being ghosted after some time (and living together too!) are unbelievable. Some people ought to come with a warning.

I don’t think I will send a close-off message now. I muted him but it’s only in the last little bit I’ve managed to stop checking my phone and think of it as done and don’t want to put myself in the headspace of waiting for a reply again as that’s such an anxious place to be sometimes.

daffo that’s so interesting as this guy was super intense too! I wonder why they do this? I also wonder if it’s a case of having no boundaries a bit so being very all or nothing whereas people with better boundaries are more moderate