DP avoiding me

[Goinggertrude]

I've been with DP for 3 years. We moved in together 2 months ago and he has been pretty much avoiding me since

At the moment we are having some building work done to our house so we've only got two bedrooms and one of my DC's in in with us and the other DC's are within earshot as their bedroom is open IYWIM (no doors). So we get one night a week child free, this is the only night we get to DTD.

Friday night DP slept on the sofa 'so I wouldn't wake you with my snoring' apparently so slept until gone 2pm yesterday, I'd taken my DC's out by that point.

I came home at 7pm with lovely food and beer cos DP didn't want to go out. Had a lovely evening. By 1am I was shattered and said I'm off to bed, please come with me and DP said 'I'll be 20 mins just finishing my drink.' Still hasn't come up at 3.45am

So our child free time has gone as I'm off out to pick up DS1 for footy and he's coming back here.

This has been a regular thing. He won't come to bed at the same time and then sleeps most of the following day. It seems like he's actively avoiding me and being intimate with me and tbh I'm getting really fucked off with it!

Sleep patterns, like eating habits, are very basic and have a big effect on well-being if there's pressure from someone else to change them. I'm not surprised, given your history, that you're upset to be accused of being abusive, but you may not appreciate that from his point of view you're trying to make him do something that really goes against the grain.

From your point of view, you're not asking much but it is, for him. He doesn't see that his refusal/inability to do what you want is insulting and makes you feel that he's rejecting you or withholding one of your basic needs in a relationship. The ED may be his body telling him that he's getting into a situation that he can't handle, however much he wants to be with you.

I think pps are right and you're better apart at the moment when the house isn't really suitable for a couple with children, especially since they're not his.

Try not to blame each other. It may be that this relationship is not meant to be, or, if there's a solid enough foundation, and you both want it to work, some counselling might help you understand where each other is coming from.

No it's dead in the water. His behaviour and the things he has said and done are just him wanting me to end it because he's too much of a coward. He doesn't want it or me and instead of just coming clean and being honest he's manipulating me into a position where I've got no choice.

I don't want it to work with someone like him. He's not the right person and he's not the decent person I thought he was. At this moment in time I hate him.

I'm sorry,@Goinggertrude . It seems you have figured it out. He sounds like a man child, to me. I'm sorry it's not working out the way you want it to. If you ask him to move out, you'll soon see by his reaction if that's what he was angling for. My DP lives with me and my 2 DC, so I appreciate it's a big adjustment for him, but if he loves you and is committed to the relationship, he has to love them and be committed to them too. And it seems like he's not getting involved in family time at all, which would be a deal breaker for me. Lots of love.

@Goinggertrude

I had someone do this to me
I had invested so much so I clung onto it out of sheer frustration. But yeah it seems obvious to a point that he is expecting you to do the mature thing here so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy

I strongly suspect he’s gone back to his ex who is prepared to put up with this shit.

I think sometimes the fantasy is way better than the reality.

I have nothing to add OP but just wanted to say you sound like a lovely person and you deserve better than this

Erk what a coward he is. I agree that you deserve someone who actually wants to be with you and acts accordingly.