Hi all,
I have never posted before but I am interested in everyones views. I have 5 children but this concerns 3 of them. I split with my eldest childrens dad over 8 years ago due to DV I fled with the children. The last straw was when he slit his wrists and waved them about in front the children whilst screaming "say goodbye to daddy"because I tried to end our 6 year relationship, he has ADHD but not under the Doctors for it and was poorly managed in childhood as his mum is an alcoholic and she couldn't manage. He started court proceedings which during, my dad died and I got seriously assaulted, he contacted me and we agreed to only concentrate on the children and completely take ourselves out of the equation and start up contact and leave the Courts out of it. We gradually went from park visits with me there and then without me there, it went well for a while. He got a girlfriend and I felt he was being "a good dad". I got a partner and me and my partner would do the 45 minute drive to drop them off and pick the children up. One day we picked the children up and he called to say my 5 yr old daughter is welcome to come round but my 2 yr old son is to naughty and he does not want to see him, we argued, I said he doesn't get to pick a favourite child and contact was lost. In 2014 I recieved a message from him saying he has done everything to find us and he doesn't want contact but just wanted to know how the children were. I told him they was doing well and settled at school etc...and I am happy to keep him updated on their lives, to which he wrote he will be taking me to court and they are his children. I agreed he can take me to court as they have only just gotten settled and bedwetting and behaviour tantrums had declined, I also felt the court can make contact safe for both children. He never made an application. I also recieved a msg from his sister stating "getting rid of my drug addict of a brother was the best thing I ever done". As the years have past and the children have felt more secure and some of the stories they tell me about what he did breaks my heart, I ask why they didn't tell me and they say they don't know they thought it was normal (mainly my eldest daughter, others don't remember too much) In 2016 my son was diagnosed with ADHD and Tourettes (physical ticks) he has had alot of Behavioural and Play therapy and is begginning to understand how to take responsibility for his own actions which is massive progress, his self esteem and confidence is up to the point he joined in on the school play this year and he has not been excluded from School for over a year. My eldest daughter was affected most and CAHMS have suggested EMDR Treatment (therapy). I now work for a Domestic Abuse Service and can deliver the Freedom Programme on a one to one basis, also got qualifications in Health and Social Care, Early Years and Special educational needs. I am very close to achieving my goal of becoming an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor, been with my partner for 7 years and we had 2 children together. So life was going well for all of us and all the issues from the past were in the process of being resolved untill my partner received a message over FB from him this week saying if I don't give him contact he is taking me to court then I recieved one from his sister saying shes on my side and he put a court application in 2 weeks ago and has his local social services on his side for full custordy because he has a full time job and no convictions (he does from the dv towards me). From everything I've learned especially over the past 5 years the one thing that sticks out most to me is my opinion is conflicted due to the Physical, Sexual and Emotional abuse he subjected me to and the Physical and Emotional abuse he subjected my children to, although I didn't know about the Physical part both types of abuse are as disgusting as the other. So I post on here in the hope of some advice and opinions so I can decide on my next steps that is in the best interests of my children because anything I think off I seem to beat myself up about.
Thanks in advance