What to do with this man?

[notenoughbottletonight]

So I've posted about this same man before 🙄 We've been friends, often with benefits, for nearly a year. He never wanted anything more until a month ago when he turned round and said that actually he liked me more than friends now so we've been 'seeing' each other since. He's twelve years older, no kids. It's been going really well, he went on a boys holiday and rang and text me constantly throughout. I trust that he did nothing. Since he came back we've booked a holiday together, he said about wanting some 'us time'. This week though he's been a bit off with me, we've had sex once which is not normal for us. He says he doesn't know why just isn't in the mood. When he went away he said that he wasn't happy with me going out to our local city clubbing so I didn't. He was working last night and he went there after work. I've heard nothing from him since yesterday afternoon despite me having messaged him on fb and him ignoring it. I don't know what the hell hes playing at but I'm at the point I'm so
pissed off I feel like having serious words with him. He has previously been a massive commitment phobe and I'm fed up of feeling anxious and on edge about our 'relationship'. The fact that he hasn't bothered to contact me is a big deal. Do I just ring him or break away from this?

He doesn’t get to tell you he doesn’t want you going clubbing without him. That in itself would be a red flag for me.

As for the rest of it... I can’t be bothered with men who play games like this. Yeah, he might just be hungover, but how long does it take just to send you a text?

I was messaging someone a week ago from an OLD site. He read my last message and vanished 6 days ago. I’ve assumed he’s had a better offer and blocked him. Life’s too short to be with someone for whom you’re not a priority.

Any relationship that causes you anxiety after one month isn’t worth it.

What to do with this man?

Bin. He’s controlling and a game player. Nothing good will come of it.

Life’s too short.

I would actually just block and move on. Bye bye.

Wow.

He's not happy with you going out with your friends when he's just been away for a week? WAAAAAAAY too controlling.

Woah!
Get got to go in holiday and you were not 'allowed' to go clubbing??!!!

That would have been the end for me.

I think I would take this opportunity to end it now.

He’s an arse. Stop wasting your time.

This will only end badly for you.
It’s as simple as that

You have said "it's been going really well" and "I'm fed up of feeling anxious and on edge about our relationship" can I ask how long you've felt anxious? It's only a month long.

If he struggles with the concept of commitment its highly likely however much he really likes you that he will struggle to offer you...... commitment! This could present as typical game playing, manipulation like creating issues, starting arguments, creating physical distance, pulling away from sex, going out flirting with others to full on cheating. He won't necessarily realise why he's doing it and more than likely blame you for it.

I'd give up now. If however your anxiety only started last night maybe give it a few days to see what he's up to, how he behaves. If you decide to give it a bit of time don't ask too many questions, don't drag out long serious chats, just state categorically "I'd like you to ring/text me, I'd dump you if you mess up, I will not tolerate anything that makes me doubt you, I expect........" I think most men prefer and respond better to very direct unemotive speech, that's my experience anyway.

He's "previously been a commitment-phobe" ?

Did you think you would be the one to change him ? Rookie mistake.

Don't get in contact any more for now. Sit back and wait xx
When he eventually gets in touch see how you feel.... For now it's sit back and wait it out xx

Seriously, you agreed to stay in while he was away on holiday? So he doesn't trust you and wants to control you, and you're letting it happen?

Ditch the twat. And what anyfucker said.

Have you heard from him?

Don't contact him. Go out clubbing this weekend.

Heard from him just after lunch with a short message. I went to see him and he says he's just stressed with work. He has put in 60 hours this week so maybe that's it. I stayed with him last night but the physical contact was very minimum. I think he's a bit depressed tbh but still, something isn't right.

Sounds like it worked bette me as FWB. I’d go back to that - or end it entirely. All good things have to come to an end eventually.

*better as

You lost me at When he went away he said that he wasn't happy with me going out to our local city clubbing so I didn't, I'm afraid. Why are you with such a massive knob? Unless a massive knob is the reason...

So he whistled and off you trotted ?

Deary me. Your bar is very low, isn't it ?

Why are you making SO many excuses for him,OP? I couldn't be doing with game playing.

Sometimes MN really makes me despair. Why do so many women accept such shoddy treatment?

I either tell him to fuck off if I was feeling charitable and in a good mood. Otherwize I'd just block him on everything and move on. Hes an utter waste of time.
OP what on earth are you doing running after him as soon as he rang? the guys a dog and treating you like shit.

Why are you trying to find reasons for him being a dickhead? We all have things going in in our lives and we all choose how to treat people. He's decided to treat you like crap and instead of running for the hills you're trying to understand him? !

And as for not going clubbing because he didn't want you to?! You're allowing him to walk all over you, no wonder he doesn't respect you.

Listen to your gut OP.

Get out. I only say that because I would have if I was back on the dating game.

1. Previous commitment phobe. Goes silent on you on a night out. Just wait... he'll say "I can't take being in a relationship if I have to report in every 5 minutes"

1. Says he doesn't want you going clubbing when he's been on a lads holiday for a week. Double standards. Prick.

1. Sex life going down for no valid reason really. Especially not at a month. You guys should be shagging like fucking rabbits 😂 (1 week of which he was away!)

Not right... Your gut is telling you something. He's either not liking being in a relationship or he's finding someone else... That's my guess.

Distance yourself for a bit maybe? See how it plays out.

See you back on here in 5 years. Kids in tow and desperately trying to reconcile yourself to how you missed so many red flags and desperate to get out
Or no kids and too old.

Honestly why are you wasting time trying to work out what is wrong with a man who goes on a lads holiday but won’t let you go clubbing, then disappears for hours on end?

Dump him. That's what to do with him.

Thanks for all your comments. I guess I've waited months and months for it to turn into something more and it's been great, until a few days ago... He did turn up to see me last night but I even asked for a kiss last night as he just was about to leave! Contact today has been basic and minimum.