Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend sending inappropriate messages on Snapchat

60 replies

LyndseyW22 · 28/09/2018 11:03

Hi all,
I snooped through my boyfriend's phone (wrong I know) but I've caught him sending inappropriate messages before. The messages are always with the same female, she is sending images of her breasts to him and he has been sending pictures of his penis to her. Asking for sexual favours and inviting her round our home (as far as I know, she hasn't been round). She is engaged to her partner and has children with him and my partner and I have a 2 month old son together. I sent him a text about the messages I found and he first tried to deny it but then admitted it. He said it was because he was lonely... What would you do?

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 28/09/2018 15:34

If the housing was sorted out, would you bail?

GraceMarks · 28/09/2018 15:37

Christ on a bike. Get rid of the pathetic, cheating twat. Let me guess - he's been feeling especially "lonely" and neglected since the baby came along and you haven't been quite so attentive to his sexual wants?

And why on earth should you have to move out? Let him be the one to go.

zucchinicourgette · 28/09/2018 16:00

OP remember that you don’t need his permission or agreement to end the relationship. You don’t need evidence of his cheating, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have screenshots or if he denies everything.

It must be so hard with a new baby and if you’re not ready yet it’s your choice. But you will never trust him again, you’d be a fool if you did. I’m so sorry.

Wolfiefan · 28/09/2018 16:01

You mean your ex surely? Twice he’s behaved appallingly. You’re worth far more than that. Dump and run.

Babdoc · 28/09/2018 16:08

OP you say that you love him. You cannot possibly love a lying, cheating, selfish, gaslighting abuser.
What you “love” is the man you wish he was. The decent, caring, loving partner and father of your baby.
The man you thought he was.
That man doesn’t exist.
Please wake up to reality, and tell this pathetic excuse of a man to leave your home.
You deserve so much better. Find your pride, your self esteem and your anger, and throw him out.

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 16:11

Dump him. Not only is he sending dick pics and sexting which is bad enough but he has invited her round. You don't know for certain that she hasn't been round. You don't know how many other girls he has managed to get round to yours or met somewhere else.

Potentially he is fucking other females in your bed. Potentially when you sit on your sofa or sleep in your bed, that space is covered with another woman's fanny juice.

When I've fucked guys we don't then go onto SM and discuss it. We sext yes, but arrangements for meets are made over the phone or text/WhatsApp.

Harleypuppy · 28/09/2018 16:15

'fanny juice '🤮

AnyFucker · 28/09/2018 16:16

Why would you and the baby be the ones to leave ?

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 16:17

I have never said this on a thread before, but I would honestly LTB. If he can be that selfish and disrespectful when you gave birth 8 weeks ago then there is no hope. Fuck him off and move on OP Flowers

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 16:19

Also, off topic, but who actually likes looking at dick pics? Penises are ugly little things at the best of times. A photo would probably make me vom. I am straight btw, just can’t understand the fascination with penis photos.

Alicatz66 · 28/09/2018 16:29

What a pig !

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 16:38

MaryBoBary - I'm the same. But for some reason, blokes think we enjoy seeing them. Some just send you them, I'm a sharing person so I send them some dick pics back. Others ask first. Some guys are aware that dicks aren't anything special to look at.
Some females don't say hey I don't enjoy them so of course, the guys carry on sending them.

TheBookThief · 28/09/2018 16:40

Aside from the obvious that you deserve better, how have you seen the photos if they're sent via SnapChat?
My understanding of it is that once viewed they disappear? (and I'm interested to know how you may view them after because a boy/man has been sending my DD dick pics but sends them on SC so there's no 'proof', so I'd love to know if there's a way accessing them after they've been opened, so I can report his sorry ass Angry)
Apologies for the derail, sorry he's a shit OP

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 16:43

You can save quiet easily on Snapchat. You just tap the message after you have sent it and it saves.
They've also added a new feature that you can now keep chats for 24 hours.

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 16:44

*Quite not quiet lol

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 16:45

@theworldistoosmall it’s just bizarre. My OH works with a prolific dick pic sender and thanks to OHs work friends I am now well aware that this person I’ve never met has a very long, thin and unusually red penis 🤢🤢🤢

So gross.

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 16:49

To report someone on SC if you hold their picture a pop up appears - go to settings and select report, there's a number of options.
Does the person know she is underage?
How did they become friends on SC?
If she is under 13, then she is in breach of having the account.

I'm not asking to be goady, it's just there could be additional ways of reporting the individual.

Adora10 · 28/09/2018 16:52

So wait for the third time then OP, and these are the ones you have found out about; of course it's cheating, twice now; no offence but where is your standards, he is blatantly taking the actual piss out of you and you are allowing it, stand up for yourself, how can you love anyone if you don't love yourself, lonely, no, not lonely, just a person that is not committed to you in any shape or form. Sorry to be brutal.

TheBookThief · 28/09/2018 17:01

@theworldistoosmall
He is 18, Yes he knows she is 15 because she is friends with his sister. I've already been to see his parents about his tantamount grooming and sending of dick pics & inappropriate messages. He was spoken to by them and me and for several months it stopped, but now not only has he started again (including repeatedly requesting nudes from her in return) but then also sent a vid of him wanking!!! Angry Angry Angry
I know it can be saved at the time but was wondering if there was a way to go back and save it after it had been opened and viewed because I thought if it wasn't saved at the time it was 'lost'.

Santaclarita · 28/09/2018 17:05

See now, someone else recently posted how they cheated on their partner through messages to someone else because they were lonely, and all they got was 'it's fine. We all do it, don't be hard on yourself'. Because she was a woman. No one called her a cheating, pathetic liar or a pig. But she was 'lonely' too.

Either way, I'm with the others. Get rid of him. He's a waste of space.

Haireverywhere · 28/09/2018 17:09

The OP in that thread was lonely because her partner had been in hospital for two or three years when she started chatting online, and he had decided to be flat mates for the foreseeable future once he got home. Totally different. And she seemed deeply ashamed, was going to counselling and ended the emotional affair!

theworldistoosmall · 28/09/2018 17:09

It needs to be saved at the time.
Personally, I would contact CEOP and get guidance from them. It's a part of what they do, www.thinkuknow.co.uk/ You can report incidents directly to them, and their officers have specialised training when it comes to online pictures and grooming.

Or I would report to the local police station, but the response you get could depend on their training/knowledge.

Haireverywhere · 28/09/2018 17:10

I agree the OP here needs to leave this man.

Santaclarita · 28/09/2018 17:10

Nah this was a different one. Her partner apparently hadn't been nice to her, so she felt it was fine to go out and snog an old fling.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/09/2018 17:18

It's sad you have to ask the question. Come on, have some self respect, you know what you have to do.