Is my husband cheating

[LosingTheplotMumOf3]

I just need advice really.

For the last 2 years I've been accusing my husband of cheating. I've not found any solid evidence but it's just a gut feeling I've had. Well when I first started accusing him I didn't. Anyways I've done all the regular stuff, gone through bank accounts, checked his phone, his phone bills and nothing came up. Apart from this one number which I didn't recognise. He fobbed it off at the time and said it was a guy who he works with, still I didn't fully accept that, so I saved the number in my phone. Things settled down and I suppose we were happy, but I still had this little nagging voice in the back of my head. I just didn't trust him. I then find out out he's been watching a lot of porn which completely devastated me as I thought we had a good sex life. To cut a long story short, the number I saved in my phone, turns out it belongs to a girl, he swears blind he doesn't know her and has never spoken to her. By this point I was already 7 months pregnant. I've found her on Instagram and her page is open, I literally go on her page on a daily basis now. She clearly lives in the same town as us. She's also got a baby, that you can see belongs to my husband. I'm too frightened to contact her and ask whether she knows my husband or not, but I'm driving myself insane with it. We argue nearly all the time over her and this baby. I've just recently had my child and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified that this girl is going to knock on my door one day and say the child is his. What further complicates the matter is that this is my second marriage. I've got 2 kids by my current husband and one kid by my ex husband. We come from a culture where this would bring great shame on our family if this were to come out. Especially if I left him as this would be my second failed marriage and it would be unlikely anyone from our culture would date me let alone marry me again. I feel so trapped and I don't know what to do. No one in my family or friends knows about this and I just feel like I'm waiting for a knock on the door and to be humiliated. Everyone thinks we're a happy family and it couldn't be further from thr truth, I cry myself to sleep most nights. Do I just take my husband's word for it and drop the issue or should I actually contact the girl and just for my own piece of mind ask her outright.

Kick him out and go round and headbutt the bitch

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm sending you a massive internet hug.

I agree with showing your parents. Go to them and ask for their help. Tell them you've found all this and don't know what to do, that you're worried that it will bring shame and people will blame you. I agree that cultural pressures shouldn't shame you, but the reality is that such shaming does exist and you will have to face that emotion too. So go, be upfront, ask for their help and guidance as their little girl who's feeling totally betrayed, hurt and lost.

Very best of luck to you xx

And give yourself a pat on the back for your bravery at a time you were feeling so vulnerable xx

She sounds like a total cunt but he's a fucking monster.

It's not your fault. None of it is your fault or a reflection on you. He's lied and cheated and pulled the wool over your eyes and all you wanted was your happy family that you deserve. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You deserve so much better than this.

I've just read your thread, and your husband sounds like an absolute arsehole. But well done to you for ringing and speaking to the OW, that must of taken such a lot of courage!

As PP have said, I'd speak to your family. I'm sure given everything he's done, they'll be there to offer support.

xx

Oh my life!!! But well done in contacting her.

Can I just ask what culture we are talking about, we may be able to advise better x

Can you show your parents the evidence? In this day in age, I'm really not comfortable with beliefs that you should be shameful or cause embarrassment to the family but I do appreciate that it exists. However I hope this culture would see you as the victim and him for what he really is, he should be ashamed, he should be embarrassed not you.

Is the OW also of this culture??

I'm so sorry OP. She was so cruel and I would hate to know someone like her. You were really brave making a call that you knew could change the rest of your life. It has. For the better. You now know he's a disgusting excuse for a man and you can set yourself free. I know it's truly awful. But you will survive.

Hi,

His behaviour is appalling, you were right all along and he has a secret family that you knew about and he lied about. Your children have a half sibling they don't know, and the woman has been quite genuine with you which shows she's probably sick of all the lies too.

You should leave your husband as this is no life for you. He's lied, cheated and had a baby by another woman whilst married to you. I really wouldn't want to stay in that relationship. But you definitely need to confront him and tell him your thoughts. He needs to be left and then he will finally see what damage he has done. He was sleeping with you both at the same time. Tell your family and friends, and his family too. They need to know and I'm pretty sure they'll advise you on what to do next x

Oh no, this is just awful, please tell someone and get some real life support. This whole situation has been affecting your mental health, staying with him will only make things worse.

We're Muslim and she's not

Are you going to be accused of bringing shame on the family if you split? It can be very unfair; my Muslim friend had all manner of issues with her family not supporting her decision to leave her cheating husband.

I hope you have some supportive people you can trust

Have you told him you've spoken to her? Be aware that she will have already given him the heads up

Oh OP that's just awful

It's just because this is my second marriage

@LosingTheplotMumOf3

Hopefully your family will understand that you being mentally well and happy is more important. Your husband is a sleeze ball and you deserve so much better than him.

It's a sad situation, and you shouldn't let religion get in the way of you being happy

is there also a race difference? Sorry not meaning to be intrusive, just trying to glean what possible future this child is going to have.

OP, I get it's hard with religion etc but seriously you are worth so much more than this....I really do hope your parents are modern thinking. If they are not and you really feel you cannot leave without being disowned etc then make him very aware of how disgusting and disrespectful he is.

I'd also be inclined to make his secret common knowledge but that's me....I don't know what impact that would have on you.

Whos child? Her child?

I forgot to mention that on all her selfies, she wears a necklace with my husband's initials and it's not very common initials

This made no sense to me....there are only 26 letters in the alphabet. How uncommon can it be?

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening. This situation is bad enough without the extra pressure of the Culture element and because it's you second marriage.

I just did a quick Google to see if I could find you specific support because it sounds like you'll need the support from your community who can advise you and guide you. Please try not to blame yourself.

muslimcommunityhelpline.org.uk

So you started accusing him when you didn’t really think anything was going on.

I’m no psychiatrist but I’ve watched enough Jezza in my uni days to know that it is a fairly supported view that those accused of cheating will eventually do it. However that takes away any culpability from the cheater. Sorry, not very helpful I know but think about how possibly unfounded assumptions on your part have influenced both of your behaviours towards each other.

There are also Muslim Women Support Groups on Facebook and Muslim Women groups on the 'Meetup' app too.

It's good you talked to her and found out the truth.
The shame is totally on him not you. He has fathered another child; outside of your faith it seems. Yours and his families can't be ok with this one bit.
4 years! Wow. Of course she can't want him because the ours he has spun about your sex life cant ring true if you have a 2month old!! He's having his cake and eating it. Destroying 2 women and all the children's lives.
I hope your family aren't too religious to be worried more about the shame to others than about you. I know how it is. Please talk to your friends and those you know you can trust.
You have one life. One life and your time with your children is finite as they grow so fast. You all deserve to be happy. He needs to go hun. You get everything you are owed finance wise and carry on. Let him be the tarnished one with children to support and 2 women who don't want him. Here if you want to talk x

@MaryBoBary

Are you for real blaming the OP? Did you not read that the DH has been having an affair with OW for 4 years. She was right. Stop trolling to spark attention.