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Original poster

Partner started working away

29 replies

Amberhoney78 · 26/09/2018 23:06

Hi.. new to this but need help..
My partner has started working away Monday to Friday and I am a complete mess... I know I’m being pathetic and need to snap out of it but I can’t.. anyone in a similar situation?

OP posts:
HisBetterHalf · 27/09/2018 06:24

need more context really. Is this a new job, has he been relocated, is he working on a new project? Or are you thinking he is up to no good? Or you just cant genuinely cope without him?

Notacluewhatthisis · 27/09/2018 06:28

How long have you been together?

Do you have kids?

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 27/09/2018 07:00

We've been together a year and a half.. I have 4 kids from a previous marriage..he has always worked nights as a contractor but was told 4 weeks ago that he has to go to the other depot at the other end of the country.. he told me he didn't want to work away again, as he'd done this for 3 years previous to meeting me, and that he would look for other jobs , so far that hasn't happened and he seems to be enjoying it down there..
I'm used to him being on nights and spending nights on my own so that's not a problem, I just feel lost and insecure x

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 27/09/2018 07:04

Do you trust him?

Notacluewhatthisis · 27/09/2018 07:18

Do you live together?

Tbh, my partner works nights, we don't live together so only get a few hours here and there.

Is this about loneliness or do you not trust him?

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 27/09/2018 08:39

We've lived together for 9 months.. I completely trust him in that way..

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 27/09/2018 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvoidingDM · 27/09/2018 08:58

Not much you can do about it. If he's in construction it can be part of life.

If he's with a good company with decent job security don't force him to job hunt. You'll be the bad one if it goes wrong.

I know somebody who moved jobs, hated the move and is trying to get back where they started.

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 27/09/2018 09:17

The problem is the way I'm feeling.. I'm trying to keep myself busy and he phones and texts me lots I just miss him so much.
It feels like he doesn't live here anymore, like we have separate lives now.
I am just constantly crying , I've never been so unhappy..
When he's back at the weekends I'm counting down the time before he has to go back so can't really relax and enjoy it

OP posts:
hannah1992 · 27/09/2018 09:25

I was like thus when dh first started working away. That was 5 years ago now. Although now he works for a different company so isn't away often.

I was on my own with our dd who was almost 3 when he started working away. For the first couple of months it was hard to adjust for both of us as she was used to having dad there to take her to bed etc. Once we got into routine I actually started enjoying my own time and space.

He would FaceTime us when he's finished work before she went to bed and he would text me and call on a night but I took up yoga (Just at home from a YouTube video), got back into sketching which I loved before and it just sort of fizzled out with family life, I got into a routine of doing housework and odd little diy jobs when dd had gone to bed. Then when I had dd2 who's 2 and a half now he carried on working away for a year then he went to Germany for a 3 month job (away for 4 weeks back for 4 days). That was awful and we both hated it and that's when he started working for the company he's now working with.

It does get easier although it is hard with a sudden change of routine but you will grow to enjoy your own time and start doing things that make you happy too.

I still do all the thing listed above but because now he's only away once in a while I actually enjoy it. It's my own space to have some alone time in the quiet once the girls are in bed. It's good for the soul I think

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 27/09/2018 17:40

Thanks for our advice..
I'm just finding the day to day life really hard, like teatime is just me and the kids now.. food shopping I don't have to make sure he has what he likes, there's no washing till weekends, I know it might sound silly but I miss this.
He texts me regularly and phoned me every night and is full of I love yous and miss you but then I think why don't you look for another job then?
It's like he has a new life now , he goes out for tea, plays pool with the lads no hassles.. I'm scared he will start enjoying it and not want to come back x

OP posts:
dontknowwhatnametochoose · 27/09/2018 17:48

My partner is working away at the moment, Monday to Friday and sometimes even longer. It's just something they have to do in order to earn money, it gets easier. Spend time with your friends and family. Just don't pressure him into changing jobs as that won't happen, it'll probably just annoy him.

No one likes working away that much that they'd want to stay, he will be missing you just like he says. But work is something he cannot help. Spend a lot of fun time with all your kids to distract yourself. He'll be back again before you know it xx

Rezrex · 28/09/2018 11:13

Is this for now, or does he nejoy it so much that he wants to stay? Is this long term solution? Can you and the kids move there?

Try to keep yourself busy. Get a hobby, meet up with friends, go out with the kids. Try to concentrate on fun things.

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 28/09/2018 11:30

When he first went 4 weeks ago, he told me that it would only be for a month at the most and he was going to put his cv out to different companies on his first weekend back.. which hasn't happened..
he says he doesn't want to be down there working away but isn't doing anything about it.. if I mention it he just says it feels like I'm pressuring him..
moving there isn't an option as my daughter is in year 11 and I couldn't uproot the kids..

OP posts:
0rlaith · 28/09/2018 11:37

I can only assume that your 4 kids are much better behaved and quieter than mine. Because it takes me most of the evening to run them to various activities, make dinner, supervise homework , get them to tidy rooms, put on a load of washing, do some housework or gardening , do some admin and get ready for work the next day.

And I’d love to know how you manage to go all week without doing any washing until the weekends . Where on earth do you hang everything to dry ? 20 sets of school uniform alone is several loads. Add in bedding, towels, sports wear, leisure wear etc .

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 28/09/2018 11:50

Haha I wish, no I meant his clothes.. mines on at leat twice a day x

OP posts:
0rlaith · 28/09/2018 11:56

Damn I thought you had some tips for me

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 28/09/2018 12:02

Disposable clothes ??

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 28/09/2018 12:13

Hi OP, is the house you currently live in a shared financial commitment between you? Has anything changed about the way he acts towards you when he's back with you and the kids?

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 28/09/2018 12:23

The house is rented and he moved in beginning of this year..
If anything is is more loving when he comes back x

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 11/10/2018 15:10

Hi OP, how are things?

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 11/10/2018 15:41

Hi thanks for askingSmile
Getting better.. he has been offered a job in another train depot which is just under an hour away.. but he doesn't start till December..
I'm trying to keep myself busy, gone on a diet and am losing weight..
So hopefully fingers crossed everything will be ok x

OP posts:
Worrynot1 · 11/10/2018 16:05

Make sure you use face time/skype/whats app at least one evening a week. Friday tomorrow can't tell how much I want to turn my car on and head back home.

Original poster
Amberhoney78 · 11/10/2018 16:22

He phoned me every night and we text during the day ..
Do you work away too?

OP posts:
Worrynot1 · 11/10/2018 16:43

Yes for many years , can be hard in the week.

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