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Original poster

Should I ask him out or wait and see what happens?

42 replies

RubyN · 25/09/2018 23:40

6 months post-horrendous-break up I think I might be ready to start dating again.

A week ago I met a guy at a social meet up. There was a lot of us but he spotted me from across the room - and kept looking my way, but was clearly too shy to approach. Once I gave a big smile, however, he came over & introduced himself. As we talked I realised we had lots in common & when others were talking I he kept looking back at me. At one point we locked eyes when everyone was talking.

End of the night came, we all said our goodbyes & he looked like he wanted to ask for my number but said nothing because everyone else was there too plus I think he is quite shy.

Next day he added me on Facebook but hasn't contacted me yet. So there's an event I really want to go to that I noticed he is also 'interested' in on FB. I'm wondering if I should ask him to come with me ? Or if I should just chill out & see how things unfold at the next social event if he goes!

I realise how pathetic this sounds, as I am 26 not 16 Blush would it be crazy to ask him out as we've met once and will probably see each other again in a group setting.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 25/09/2018 23:41

just chill out & see how things unfold

This

Original poster
RubyN · 25/09/2018 23:51

Maybe I can arrange a meet up for the group again and ask him if he'd like to join us? Smile People have been talking about doing that anyway and it would be more low key.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 26/09/2018 00:02

No.

just chill out & see how things unfold

This

Grin
Original poster
RubyN · 26/09/2018 00:07

😂 ok why do you recommend ‘chill’ over being pro-active Polka. Do you think he should take the lead if anything should progress?

He is shy as I said...

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 26/09/2018 00:12

I don't see why you can't ask him! You want to. You got the vibe. It's 2018. Good luck!

AdaColeman · 26/09/2018 00:13

Be pro-active but in a low key way, such as saying you've got a spare ticket for something he might like to attend, or invite him to an event along with a group.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 00:19

I'd message. Him, say you saw he was interested and you were thinking of going, will you see him there? You could suggest a drink before / after.

It's the 21sr century, you do not need to wait with you dance card in the corner hoping he'll ask.

EllaEllaE · 26/09/2018 00:56

Ask him!! Go for it! Think about it this way: what's the worst that could happen? He says no, you feel sorry for yourself for a few days, then you get over it. Next time you run into him, you've got it all out your system and you can be get on with just being friends instead.

On the other hand, he might very well say yes!! Grin

Original poster
RubyN · 26/09/2018 01:16

Given that I suggested that we should ‘help’ each other with our mutual hobby while being v touchy feely with him (Blush I never usually do this when first meeting someone) & he immediately nodded and agreed...

I may be over thinking this!

OP posts:
Robin2323 · 26/09/2018 07:40

WAIT!!
Doesn't matter how shy a man is, if he's interested he'll ask you out

He cane over to once you gave him the smile.

He added you to fb.

So far so good.

He's into you. So he's not that
Shy. Just cautious. Which is good - no love bombing there which is not good.

He'll make a move I'm sure.

DianaT1969 · 26/09/2018 08:13

Enjoy this time of getting to know each other and allow him the opportunity of getting to know you naturally, without any contrived reasons. You are in the same group anyway, so there's no need to push it along.
Maybe he'd like to be the one to ask you out? It isn't about feminism or which year it is. It's about giving him the chance to catch up with what you've already decided should happen.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2018 08:17

Can you just start a chat with him on facebook messenger?
See how that progresses?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 26/09/2018 08:20

What's Hellsbells said. If he's added you he's probably waiting for you to start a conversation. I'd start chatting and see what happens!

Joysmum · 26/09/2018 08:42

Doesn't matter how shy a man is, if he's interested he'll ask you out

But the OP is interested and she hasn’t?

Men are being told that women want to treated as equals so the old rules of engagement are long gone but yet the new rules aren’t fully adopted yet so it’s a confiding time for men where dating is concerned. Snooze you lose, either we are equal to men and should play by the same rules or we aren’t?

cakecakecheese · 26/09/2018 08:47

I'd ask him. Or maybe go subtle and say ask him if he's going to that event he put about being interested in and see what he says and maybe it'll lead to seeing if you can go together.

JennyHolzersGhost · 26/09/2018 08:50

Could you maybe post on Facebook saying you’re interested in going to that event and asking if anyone else fancies it ? Then it’s a general invitation - and even if he doesn’t respond he will know you’re going so he could go there under his own steam and see you there ...

tierraJ · 26/09/2018 12:17

Start a chat on messenger, if he's friendly then just say oh let me know if you'd like to meet up for coffee...

He may not respond positively or he may say ok what about xy day..

Poulnabron · 26/09/2018 12:20

It's the 21st century, you do not need to wait with you dance card in the corner hoping he'll ask

This. See if he wants to have a drink before or after the event.

KlutzyDraconequus · 26/09/2018 12:21

Next time you're on messenger, chatting to a friend, if you see him as active, wave and say hi.
Get a chat going, mention event, ask him if he fancies going.

Or sit and wait for something that may never come and then be left wondering for the rest of your days..

Trinity66 · 26/09/2018 12:23

Ask him! I don't know why people are telling you not to

Trinity66 · 26/09/2018 12:24

WAIT!!
Doesn't matter how shy a man is, if he's interested he'll ask you out

1954 says hi

Poulnabron · 26/09/2018 12:44

1954 says hi Grin

Is it a variant of that reactionary kind of The Man Must Make All the Play thinking that fuels so many of the unhappy Relationships forum threads where the couple have lived together for years and have children together, and have discussed marriage, BUT the female partner, despite increasingly wanting marriage and being happy with the most casual of registry office ceremonies, still has to wait for the man to make a 'romantic' proposal, eight or nine years on?

Florenceblondie · 26/09/2018 15:47

I'm a bold, impatient type of person and have asked guys out in the past. Some think it's great. If he's not interested he will say No, but he obviously is interested.
Some people fear rejection.
Just start chatting to him on messenger about the event and then hint. See his response.
Just go for it, you obviously want to. Grab life by the balls!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/09/2018 16:00

I would wait a couple of weeks. There's no need to go rushing in.I recognise this view may sound outdated to some but the guys who really like you are the ones who put in a little more effort to make a move and get to know you.
I think all the signs are good and he likes you, so give him the chance first.

Adora10 · 26/09/2018 16:06

Depends on the type of person you are, I'd not and I in no way see myself as some 1950s woman!

How do you know he's shy, you barely know him; it's really your call but be prepared to be rejected if he turns you down (although it's looking unlikely).