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Original poster

What could go wrong?

91 replies

whoopsnamechange · 25/09/2018 21:09

I've been seeing a guy for a few months. We get on really well, lots of chemistry, he seems lovely and genuine.

He lives in a shared rental house where the contract ends in December.

I'm a single mum, with equity from my divorce. I am buying a house that needs work doing to it.

He has offered/asked to stay in my new house while work is being done, in return for doing some of the work himself (he's very practical and has lots of building and plumbing skills etc)

He hasn't met my kids yet.

One of my friends is advising me to be cautious as I'm a single mum with equity and therefore possibly vulnerable to predatory men or scammers etc.

What could go wrong with this arrangement and what do I need to do to protect myself?

OP posts:
SummerStrong · 26/09/2018 07:43

What type of a person is prepared to live on a building site / bare house with no heating etc?

Honestly, at his stage in life and not a penny to his name, OP I think you and your DC deserve someone more secure and stable in their life.

It will always appear he has done you a massive favour...at the end of the build he'll have nowhere to go and you'll be obliged to let him stay.

LEELULUMPKIN · 26/09/2018 07:47

I can’t believe you are even considering this in a relationship so new he has never met your kids.

Tell him no and a decent, honest guy will be fine with it.

If he starts being arsey, you will see his true colours.

Do it before you introduce him to your kids too. If he is on the make they will never have to know he existed.

SilverHairedCat · 26/09/2018 07:49

All of the above concerns, plus I'd be worried he'd do next to nothing and be there for months with you stuck in your rental with no building work going on in your one while he's too busy, too tired, doing you a favour for free, what do you want from him, you need to pay for the materials up front, someone let him down for labour, it's not his fault, it's a bigger job than he thought... Filled with risk.

Pay for it to be done properly my lovely, and keep the relationship where it should be.

Notacluewhatthisis · 26/09/2018 07:53

What type of a person is prepared to live on a building site / bare house with no heating etc?

One that thinks he maybe potentially homeless in the near future and sees the ops house as the easy option. He is probably hoping he will move, do a bit of work and then the op will let him live there with her and the kids.

Cohabiting by stealth.

Missingstreetlife · 26/09/2018 07:55

If he is a lodger he should pay rent. Something dodgy, why is he subletting, what is stopping him getting his own tenancy? If it's money that's a warning sign. Protect yourself and your children, property is secondary. If he is there while workmen are, they will regard him as project manager, not good. Think this is a no.

Paddley · 26/09/2018 07:56

I remember a poster who entered a similar arrangement a few years back, it went badly. He was useless and she couldn't get him out, luckily there were no children involved.

Get the work done by a professional, don't muddy the waters.

Artofpretending · 26/09/2018 07:58

How long would the work take approximately? What happens when you are ready to move in with the kids?

HereIgoagainxx · 26/09/2018 07:59

Re not being able to get him out, is this not the same with anyone that moves in with someone? Not sure why people are so hellbent on this point.

Blameanamechange · 26/09/2018 08:09

He might not leave. He might do a shit job and then you wont be able to say anything cos its free. Whens he going to do the work anyway? Evenings and weekends? Its getting dark early plus how good a job will he do if hes been at work all day? If hes not working thats another issue. It all sounds dodgy. Nothing in life is free. Dont be naive. If you like this guy this is a sure way of ruining yr new relationship. Dont go there.

category12 · 26/09/2018 08:12

Re not being able to get him out, is this not the same with anyone that moves in with someone?

It's different because he'd be the one in situ, and they're the ones not in their own home, needing to get him out before they move in. They're not moving in together - but the chances are it would fastforward their relationship into it cos she won't get him out when the house is ready. Cohabiting by stealth as per pp.

0rlaith · 26/09/2018 08:20

How is a property with no heating suitable for a child with SEN to stay EOW and one night a week? How has that been working out in his sub let room ?

And if hes not caring for his child, why not ?

0rlaith · 26/09/2018 08:26

Can I just clarify, if he lives in the property alone or with his child, he WONT be a lodger. He will be a tenant with the rights of a tenant.

Even if he’s living there “ rent free” , he might argue that he paid rent in cash or that there was a de facto tenancy - he did X hours work in return for Y hours rent.

He would only be a lodger if he shared the house with the resident owner. Usually lodgers have their own room and share part of the house.

Joysmum · 26/09/2018 08:28

HereIgoagain

Because he’d be investing himself in the property which gives a duffferent set of rights and because mixing business with pleasure makes the situation more complicated on an emotional level.

When I’ve had issues with tenants I’ve not been emotionally involved so it’s easier to deal with.

Original poster
whoopsnamechange · 26/09/2018 08:29

His child with SEN/disability is living with his ex wife, that's why he signed his share of the family home to her because she can't work

OP posts:
Original poster
whoopsnamechange · 26/09/2018 08:31

He visits them in the former family home

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 26/09/2018 08:42

Re not being able to get him out, is this not the same with anyone that moves in with someone? Not sure why people are so hellbent on this point.

Because if you choose to live with someone and split up, that person will need time to find somewhere else. The op has no intention, I hope, of him actually living with her and her kids.

If he refuses to leave she won't be moving in until she gets him out.

OP, he never has his child over night?

TheFaerieQueene · 26/09/2018 08:54

You still going to do this I think OP. 🙄

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 26/09/2018 08:56

Its glaringly obvious, op.

He has to be out of his current digs very soon and your property would work out very well for him.

I am sure he comes across as lovely and genuine because he stands to gain free digs at your expense.

When you meet up does he take you out for dinner and spoil you or is he strapped for cash?

A grown man that cannot rent somewhere on his own is cause for concern.
Claiming he gave up everything to the ex leaving him with nothing sounds like bollocks.
He doesn't even have his own kid to stay with him ffs.
Be interested if you have any mutual friends with his ex that can tell you more of his background but to most pp here sounds like a user, op, wake up.

RhymesWithOrange · 26/09/2018 08:58

You really don't want to be his girlfriend and his landlady. What happens if you break up while he's living in your house?

category12 · 26/09/2018 09:04

You've been with this guy "a few months" and you're prepared to give him the keys to your house and the possibility of screwing up your house, messing with your financial security and dc's future home. The risk is all on you, OP, not on him - he literally has nothing to lose and everything to gain from this arrangement - and it's a massive risk for you.

And you don't really know him.

Moltenpink · 26/09/2018 09:13

I also think you will feel too guilty to ask him to move out.

Poulnabron · 26/09/2018 09:18

OP, if all the things everyone else have said hadn't already occurred to you when your boyfriend first put this proposal to you, I worry about your boundaries, and to be honest your common sense. Even if the legal issues of having a sitting tenant who refuses to leave a house you want to move into hadn't occurred to you (or whether he's certified and able to do serious renovation work safely and to a professional standard), surely it's obvious that this is a hugely inappropriate request from a very new boyfriend, so new he hasn't even met your children?

It's perfectly possible the relationship will end in the near future, as many relationships do, and suddenly you've got a potentially hostile ex living in your property. Even if the relationship continues, combining the roles of employer and landlady with girlfriend is a really bad idea. Do you really want to spend your dates asking him why he still hasn't fitted the new loo or grouted the kitchen tiles, all the time wondering whether he's figured out that the slower he is, the longer he gets to live in your house rent-free? Or looks so comfortable there, and has done so much to renovate it, that it's suddenly very awkward to say 'Right, out you go, the kids and I are moving in on July 1st?' And when he has difficulty finding another house share, and suddenly you and the children have moved in, and he's asked for a few more days or weeks, because the place he thought he was moving into has fallen through...?

0rlaith · 26/09/2018 09:18

So he doesn’t care for this own child, just visits them at his exs home. And she has 100 % care of their child .

And you dont think this is a Big Red Flag? Seriously ?

subspace · 26/09/2018 09:18

Nooooo.

I have a friend whose newish partner wanted to be the tradesman who did work in her house. It did not end well.

Keep love life and business separate.

SparklyMagpie · 26/09/2018 09:20

Fuck that! But I'm pretty sure you'll go ahead with this arrangement

You'd be an absolute fool though

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