Should he have come back?

[8flowers88]

Honest options please

Don't mind if you say I'm in the wrong?!

My boyf and I argued today
He was grumpy and moody but he does have a head cold as I do
He was grumpy with me so pulled him up on it (he said I spoke to him like shit) didn't feel I did but anyway that was how minor it was
My lo came back from her dads and he was still quiet with me so I said please let's sort this so we can have dinner and have an atmosphere
It turned into an argument and it was me who didn't let it go
Anyway I said sorry and let's just try have a nice eve
He said no he's going home ?
He was staying tonight and tomorrow and is close to my lo so said don't be silly please stay but he packed up and left !
Anyway an hour later I said my lo is just going to bed so come back and we can sort it out
I was upset but I wanted him to come back and not sulk
He wouldn't answer his phone and was only texting me and to this time he is not back and turned his phone off
I'm really upset
In a nut shell I was probably over sensitive and my fault but I'm upset that he hasn't come back at least for lo and I've been trying to make it work with him for 3 years but the last time I said we make it work this time and talk it through
It's normal to have disagreements but not normal to just leave ? He lives with his mum and it's easy to just go home
He probably won't talk to me tomorrow and I just feel it's immature
He's 40 though and we shouldn't be doing this ?!
I'm so upset and hate that he didn't come back
Or is this normal ?! Where do people go if they don't live together ?
Am I just flogging a dead horse here?

He's 40, lives with his mum and sulks? I'd end it.

I wouldn’t have come back either - I have some self respect

@itwasadarkandstormy

Huh? That's a bit uncalled for don't you think?

From the sounds of it, op was trying to sort it and apologise,

He went through a divorce and there was no equity so he's there whilst he saves for a deposit
Self respect? I was just sick of doing everything the whole weekend even though I'm Ill too
I've cooked, gone shopping for medicine and nice foods to make us feel better, looked after him and tidied up after him
Just wanted a bit of help not much to ask, not to bite my head off

Why does he live with his mum?

Anyway, it's hard to say if his response is overreacting or not without more context about the argument. It reads that it was petty but it's hard to say if other people (and he) see it that way. If he's been hurt by anything you've said then getting texts etc is probably not helping when he needs a bit of space (hence phone off)?

Either one of you could be the unreasonable one here (I know it's not AIBU)

Exactly and I've summarised on what an ass he has been with me all day! I'm really upset

Cross posted- if the above is what the argument was about

A silly argument
We were probably both grumpy on reflection
But not enough upset to leave ?

But this is your second post about the problem today, no? You took him back knowing he was grumpy and now you're surprised that he's grumpy?

If my partner was grumpy with me and spoke to me badly, why would I rush back to sort it out? I certainly would not make the effort to return to conflict if I didn't need to.

The fact that he's 40 and living with his mum is a separate issue

*is close to my lo

but I'm upset that he hasn't come back at least for lo*

I'd say it's actually best he doesn't come back to discuss it while she's there, and she shouldn't be used as reason for him to come back if he doesn't want to.

So yr ill too? He sounds like a child. Personally I find immaturity a turn off. Plus I cant stand a sulker. Wouldnt waste my energy.

Don’t saddle yourself with a grumpy sulker. It’ll kill your soul in the end. A man who’s got to 40 without learning how to resolve conflict like an adult is unlikely to learn now.

Stop apologising. Don’t contact him.

Yeah I have the same head cold it's horrible
I guess
It's just we said we would talk and not let it get out of control so that's why I'm upset as he's not here

Just leave him to calm down. Stop calling & let him come back at his own speed. Enjoy having the bed to yourself while you are poorly. And stop doing everything for him, you aren’t his mother.

Sounds like he’s another child, move on, look deeper into why he’s divorced and you may find some clues

Because I've actually texted saying sorry !!! He hasn't for his part

Well it doesn't bode well at all

I don't want a relationship where he runs back to his mums when he is supposed to be staying over

If I was ill, grumpy, had an argument and the other person wouldn't let it drop then yes, I'd go home.

Better that than feeling ill AND simmering from the row, in front of a child.

That's true
I just didn't want him to leave
Don't see him loads in the week
Yeah need to sleep so tired but so achey

He's making sure you Don't Do This Again.

Make sure you don't. LTW (leavethewanker)

If I was ill, grumpy, had an argument and the other person wouldn't let it drop then yes, I'd go home

Ditto

I've been trying to make it work with him for 3 years

This speaks volumes. It shouldn't be that hard.

You’re both ill, neither of you will be at your best and both of you are probably being unreasonable. Wait and see how you both feel in a few days when you’re better and take it from there.

Btw, asking him to come back over because your daughter is close to him is emotional manipulation on your part. You need to stop doing that.

Do you want this to be your life for coming years and decades? If this is what the relationship continues to be? Personally it sounds a bit unfulfilling and exhausting.

Why do you keep bothering? He’s 40, still living with his mother, sulks, won’t say sorry...sounds like a real catch 🙄

Sounds like a waste of your time to me
Let him sulk off to his mum and stay there