Should he have come back?

[8flowers88]

Honest options please

Don't mind if you say I'm in the wrong?!

My boyf and I argued today
He was grumpy and moody but he does have a head cold as I do
He was grumpy with me so pulled him up on it (he said I spoke to him like shit) didn't feel I did but anyway that was how minor it was
My lo came back from her dads and he was still quiet with me so I said please let's sort this so we can have dinner and have an atmosphere
It turned into an argument and it was me who didn't let it go
Anyway I said sorry and let's just try have a nice eve
He said no he's going home ?
He was staying tonight and tomorrow and is close to my lo so said don't be silly please stay but he packed up and left !
Anyway an hour later I said my lo is just going to bed so come back and we can sort it out
I was upset but I wanted him to come back and not sulk
He wouldn't answer his phone and was only texting me and to this time he is not back and turned his phone off
I'm really upset
In a nut shell I was probably over sensitive and my fault but I'm upset that he hasn't come back at least for lo and I've been trying to make it work with him for 3 years but the last time I said we make it work this time and talk it through
It's normal to have disagreements but not normal to just leave ? He lives with his mum and it's easy to just go home
He probably won't talk to me tomorrow and I just feel it's immature
He's 40 though and we shouldn't be doing this ?!
I'm so upset and hate that he didn't come back
Or is this normal ?! Where do people go if they don't live together ?
Am I just flogging a dead horse here?

I'm surprised you have the energy for this!

No I don't have the energy that's the thing
I feel emotionally drained
I'm not perfect in any way don't claim to be but I'm constantly batting with his moods and yesterday I just had enough
I am Ill so that really was so excuse
I know I shouldn't have said that about my lo - it's just she was asking and I thought he would do it for her but yeah I see that and I didn't mean to do that
It's me that's constantly trying to change, to watch what I say, to make things better
But the end result is always the same
I know the advise and I feel completely stupid and silly it's just last night I was so upset and just wanted not to argue
I've never argued this much with an ex and I suppose we bring the bad out in each other
He will ignore me for a few days and contact me if he wants to
Usually by this time I've blocked him because I feel it's not the way to deal with things
This time I just will leave him be and not text or call asking him to come over
It's best for both of us
I see that
It just hurts as I thought it would work this time
There's a lot of hurt and pain he has caused me and he promised he would be making it to me
( for anger he was going to anger management ) however he wasn't angry yesterday
Probably a coping mechanism walking away I know, sadly I know the patterns I just feel I wish he didn't need to when I'm left to pick up the pieces
I can't go to my mums to be mothered and looked after as it what's she does
I have a job and a daughter and I have to be happy and strong
X

To be honest, if I wasn't living together - and was ill - I'd leave rather than argue. It really does sound like there are underlying issues but this particular instance he behaved like many would do. Go home to own bed. I think you are feeling more hurt because you tried to emotionally blackmail him with your daughter and it didn't work. (Though to be honest if you've been together for 3 years you'd think he would have stayed for her). Aargh it's a hard one. Only you know what feels the right thing to do, I wish you luck. Get better soon.

Yeah I suppose you are right
I just feel he has let me down so much before maybe I'm too hurt and can't keep putting him through it let alone me
Long story short I ended it with him for things he did
Money and lies and tempers to sum it up
I tried to move on and he begged and begged for me to give it another go
He promised he would go to counselling and we would talk about what happened
But that never happened
Think he went to a couple of sessions
He's in a lot of debt and one of the reasons we can't live together
He can't afford a mortgage due to his bad credit and has a bad credit score and can't even get a tenancy
We are talking over 50k but I never cared about that I just wanted to be with him but it makes me feel resentful when we can't move forward

Well if none of the reasons you ended it before have changed then you should probably reconsider asking him to come back anyway

He disappears , you block him...you are bringing out the worst immature behaviour in each other. It's a no go this. Three years is time enough. Let him.go.

I was expecting you to say he was 18!!
Please just leave him at his dm's.
You have 1 dc already.

I've been trying to make it work with him for 3 years
YES - you are flogging a dead horse.
Stop it!
Have some standards.
This guy is a twat.
Ignore him now.
He's 40 FFS.
How old are you?

Three years is far too long to try to make a relationship work; it isn’t working for either of you. Time to move on maybe?

I'm 36
I know I just feel sad and I hate that it was me who went OTT
I never meant to use my lo
Just that when we do see each other she looks forward to it too
She was just asking where he was and it upset me that I indirectly upset her
Felt so shit today

I've cooked, gone shopping for medicine and nice foods to make us feel better, looked after him and tidied up after him
Just wanted a bit of help not much to ask, not to bite my head off

It's utterly simple. The above, you want that, that sounds like a loving relationship? There's no point moaning about it if you're going to settle for that.

How the hell am I settling for that when I'm explaining why I felt like I got upset in the first place?!

It isn't AlWAYS like that? Obviously if it was I wouldn't be trying ?
Surely that's the whole point of me coming on here to explain that every now and then these things happen
We can be fine for a while then his moods come out

We can be fine for a while then his moods come out

Well then it's not fine. Grown men don't do this.

You kept asking for him to come back. He won't change. Either accept you're in a crappy relationship with a big baby or rid yourself of this millstone.

People are taking you that you are flogging a dead horse (which was what you had asked) and that you deserve better. You are arguing back ... so you don't want better. Don't post here asking then! Stay with him if you want to!

I get that, I did ask.
And I agree with the answers but I think when you have to ask maybe I already know the answers
Didn't mean to come across as arguing just getting my point over why I got upset in the first place
I'm just upset. I know from reading it I know it's a rubbish relationship
Feel so sad and I'm lonely, and I've taken him back when he comes running and says sorry
He's very persuasive
Thanks everyone for the advice x

Feeling sad and lonely on your own is not a reason to stay in a rubbish relationship. Find a life for yourself without him in it. Three years? Flogging a dead horse. End it for good this time. Stop giving him all the power here.

I know it's just how I feel now
I was doing ok and he got back on contact after blocking him and he still found a way and I know it's because he thinks I'll always take him back so I've delayed the healing process

You’re the one with the power here. He can think and behave whatever he wants, you need to choose with your head what you’re going to do and work out how to stick to it until you fully feel it too.

You look after him, he sulks, he lives with his mom, he has no money and is in debt, he doesn’t make you very happy, he needs counseling but won’t go...

Oh my goodness, just dump him and stop wasting your time on this loser.