I have fallen out of love with DH- Can you fall back in love? How?

[oflow]

Just that really. I am sad to find myself in this position. I feel that my marriage is over, for me, not for him. Is there ever a way back?

Early 30s and married, one DC, under 1. We were so in love. Ive had doubts for a couple of years but it feels like it's over for me. I so want us to be a family unit but I don't love him romantically.

The thing is, the things which have contributed to me falling out of love have always been there I think. I was in my early 20's when we met and I had different expectations then of relationships.I worked long hours and I think I missed some things.

When I've tried raising the issues which I'm unhappy with, he either gets defensive or agrees and things improve then a few months later it's the same as before. Issues: doesnt pull weight with housework, lack of communication and emotional support (he is away lots with work so v important), with sex no focus on me.

I keep telling him I am unhappy with things but it just leada to rows.

He is a well-liked man and friends and family love him. He is not abusive. I just ferl like romance is dead and I dont want to be in a relationship where I have to remind the other person of my needs.

He is a brilliant dad and DC adores him.

Is part of the problem maintaining emotional connection when he's only there half the month? That's got to have been hard before but worse now with the baby.

I agree major life decisions aren't advisable during PTSD therapy.

Sorry posted too soon.

But only you low how much longer you can hold on. I would suggest taking action towards rekindling things and following advice here. Avoidance and hoping things will improve just by talking with no concrete actions doesn't seem to change anything.

I should add that he was great in my pregnancy and after DC's birth. We were in hospital for a long time. When we eventually came home he did everything, it made me love him more. He was indispensable in making the breastfeeding a success, it was very hard due to my physical injuries. He always comments that he thinks I'm a wonderful mother and he is so grateful and proud. I just feel like he has lost sight of our marriage

It sounds like it might be salvageable. Open up to him and have a clear, honest, no-holds-barred, heart-to-heart. You've nothing to lose.

I'm sorry to read about your traumatic birth and PTSD. I wonder if your husband has also been more affected by it all than he's letting on? He said he thinks he might be depressed, has he made any attempt to get help? Sounds like you have an awful lot going on. I second pp, maybe put off making any decisions about your relationship for now and try some counselling for you both. You say he was supportive during pregnancy and after birth so something has changed.

Oh and definitely get a cleaner or some kind of help, your house sounds huge! We live in a tiny bungalow with only 5 rooms in total and I still find the housework a huge chore with a baby, god knows how you manage!

If your partner thought he was going to lose you or the baby, regardless of whether it got close to that in reality, he may be experiencing some trauma issues too. There may be a disconnect from both of you.

It sounds like he was deeply shook up as we're you but was a good guy before. Don't give up without some relationship counselling.

It doesnt seem surprising that you wouldnt maintain feelings for him when he has been emotionally unavailable, domestically useless, away for long periods and shit in bed. How is any of that attractive or sexy? Your heart has woken up. Your brain will follow

My DH does all our bills and insurance etc but it's not the same as cleaning the loo, it's just direct debits for the most part.

Well, that and seemingly working a lot of hours to be the sole provider for an entire household. It sounds like you won't be happy unless he's unhappy when doing chores because cooking and DIY "don't count" if he actually dares to enjoy them He seems like the one who should be leaving you to be honest.

I agree with Branleuse tbh, he sounds awful.

DH and I have really struggled since our first child was born, and he pulls his weight with childcare and housework. For me it’s more an issue of emotional intimacy, i feel the support is all one way (I support him), and also the mental load stuff.

“I am convinced breasteeding has something to do with the hormones that make you hate your husband.”
This is fascinating. I am still breastfeeding and I wonder if that’s a factor.