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Original poster

Was I right to point this out?

53 replies

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 20:23

So my dear friend is a single mum and has had a few turbulent relationships with emotionally abusive / controlling men. She has been single for a while and is looking to find her mr right.

Anyway in the past week she has worked away and got talking to a male colleague who she felt very attracted to but upon checking his Facebook found out he has a long term girlfriend.
Fast forward to today and she tells me that this guy has told her how different him and his partner are (apparently he is “really spiritual” but his girlfriend is close minded) and that he is probably going to finish things with his partner over the course of the next few days.

I couldn’t help but say that the guy sounds like a shit bag. How distasteful is it to start slagging his girlfriend off to my friend who he barley knows ? My friend knows that the poor girl is getting dumped even before the girlfriend herself. Sad I told her I thought it was a massive red flag but given the fact that I’m 3 months post breakup I’m probably a bit “anti-man” 😂. What do you lot think? X

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 22/09/2018 20:25

Yep, he's a shitbag.

booboo24 · 22/09/2018 20:27

You're right he is a shit bag. Also your friend is getting the classic line, I doubt very much he has any intention of finishing with his 'close minded' girlfriend

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 20:29

I think more people need to point out shitbags to their friends when they see them. Far too many women don’t see it.

itswinetime · 22/09/2018 20:29

He is a shit bag if he dislikes his girlfriend so much why not just leave? He is trying to manoeuvre your friend into having a quick bit of fun and then he will be off

Angelf1sh · 22/09/2018 20:33

You were 100% right and I’m 100% certain that it was just a line he was feeding your mate.

Original poster
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 20:34

I feel really sorry for the girlfriend and actually quite annoyed with my friend tbh. She was like “oh he is so the man of my dreams” . I had to cut in and say “what someone who tells virtual strangers how closed minded his girlfriend is?” I said I found it disrespectful and if he was so spiritual (as he claims) then he would know that. God some men make me sick 🤮

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/09/2018 20:39

God that's such a classic line as said above its insulting or should be insulating.

The guys a fanny rat, knows all the right words that he's tried and tested to get in a woman's knickers. I met one of those and had the STD treated... Been there and done that.

Tell her to give herself a good hard slap in the face and to recognise a predator when she sees one.

Santaclarita · 22/09/2018 20:40

He isn't going to leave his girlfriend. He wants a bit on the side and thinks your friend will be up for it. If she starts sleeping with him, no doubt even if he says he is single he probably isn't.

RyderWhiteSwan · 22/09/2018 20:43

"My girlfriend doesn't understand me but YOU get me" will be next.

If your friend has had abusive relationship experiences she'll lap up this type of attention unfortunately.

Original poster
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 20:43

@gamerchic fanny rat fucksake I just nearly spat out my wine laughing 😂 thanks for that x

OP posts:
itswinetime · 22/09/2018 20:44

Strange the guy of my dreams has always been single Hmm also wouldn't be the type to slag me off to get his end away with people he works with Wink I think your friend has been worn down by all her previous relationships to think that he is a nice guy!

RyderWhiteSwan · 22/09/2018 20:44

fanny rat Grin

SpoonBlender · 22/09/2018 20:44

"Fanny rat" is my favourite new phrase!

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/09/2018 20:48

Next chapter: “he tried to break it off with her but she’s ill/“unstable”/it’s not the right time yet, I feel so sorry for him, he has it so hard at home but I’m supporting him and we’re getting so close, he says I’m his soul mate and as soon as he can escape her evil clutches we’ll be together”

Lyinglow50 · 22/09/2018 20:51

She's not going to listen to you. You sound like a good friend but she's not going to see sense. She's programmed to self destruct.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/09/2018 20:51

Oh ffs of all the pussay-patrol alter egos, I cannot stand the spiritual guys. Even if he was single, he'd be a shitbag. But he's not, so he's a double shitbag. A double spiritual shitbag.

Lyinglow50 · 22/09/2018 20:56

Fanny rat!!! It does exactly what it says on the tin. Thank you for adding that expression to my vocabulary!

Original poster
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 20:56

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett
Oh ffs of all the pussay-patrol alter egos, I cannot stand the spiritual guys absolutely, they’re so fucking cringe with all their zen shit .

OP posts:
Lyinglow50 · 22/09/2018 21:00

OMG spiritual pass the bucket!

Original poster
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 21:19

@AnneLovesGilbert love the future prediction 😂 although if it gets to that stage I’ll defo be fading her out as a friend . I prefer my social circle to not be morally bankrupt. Judgy I know .

OP posts:
lolaflores · 22/09/2018 21:21

Your friend will pay precisely, fuck all attention to you. I have one like this and it is and endless frigging cycle of asehokes who are on a repeat loop in different jackets.
Personally I have retired from advise giving. My friend can't help herself even with arsehole stamped on their foreheads she kust can't see.
Tell her but don't e surprised.
Cynical I know but she won't help herself you will waste energy and worry and bit will all turn out the same Dogs dinner as before

subspace · 22/09/2018 21:31

Fanny rat 😂

YANBU but I think it pays to be cautious when doling out advice on a potential boyfriend. I've happily slagged off friends' exes who were abusive or just arses, only for them to get together with them again and it be awkward 😳

Original poster
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/09/2018 21:36

It’ll be interesting to see what she does but tbh I’m already pretty disappointed in her and think I cba with someone who clearly has given no thought for the girlfriend he is busy slating. Like what the fuck is up with humanity ? Everyone just seems to be out for themselves these days. 🤦🏻‍♀️ X

OP posts:
subspace · 22/09/2018 21:43

I hear you. I've distanced myself from several friends over the years who would/did happy be the OW with no sense of responsibility or solidarity with the poor partner who had no idea their relationship was being wrecked.

HarmlessChap · 22/09/2018 22:18

How distasteful is it to start slagging his girlfriend off to my friend who he barley knows ?

Sorry, that made me LOL. The number of threads on here where people are slagging off their partners to people we barely know?

I know that its different due to the anonymity but in a work environment I have witnessed countless times when people have slagged off their partner, DW's office is all female and its rife there. One time I apparently received a round of applause for not fucking something up, I told her it was patronising and disrespectful, but apparently I took it out of context........

I think people often vent, in this case however I suspect that he is laying the ground work for a try out before he dumps his GF. To see where the grass is greener.