To be pissed off with DP’s lack of parenting today

[iwearshortshorts]

All day he’s been working on his Arcade machine as it’s broken. DS1 (2.10 yrs) is to blame for this and I am too as I let him bang it etc. Which I bloody don’t.

So me being sick to death of him shouting at the machine and DS1 to leave it alone, I took him out to buy shoes and a soft play leaving DS2 (13 months) with him.

I come home to find that he hasn’t given DS2 his lunch and instead given him a chocolate biscuit

Now he’s pissed off to buy more bits (or he’ll have to buy a new one) and it’s not cheap. We’ve got bills to pay and we’re behind on the council tax

He’s arguing that he’s fixing HIS thing that bring him enjoyment, and I’m taking it away from him saying we can’t afford it.

Meanwhile no help with kids or housework

AIBU to be pissed off?

No

I'd be pissed off too

You are not BU. Newflash for him: young children sometimes break things. This is a fact of life.

My DP has a whole room of computer games and whatnot, but he's fully aware that when the baby comes, he'll either have to completely childproof it or accept that at some point, stuff will get broken, because that's just what happens.

If you're struggling to afford bills then he shouldn't be spending money on repairs that he can't afford. Yes it's annoying when something you enjoy breaks, but adults have to make sacrifices sometimes and he'll just have to do without until you're back on a more even keel. It's also rotten that your little boy missed out on lunch - it's not as if his machine is urgent, is it?!

I'd be fuming. He needs to grow up.

Of course not. You don't have treats until bills are paid! Or prioritise your toys over feeding your child! Tell him to grow up!

He sounds feckless.

If I came home to find DH had not fed the baby anything but a biscuit he’d be getting a right earful.
Buying new bits for your toy comes considerably further down the priorities list than paying bills. Poor diddums’ enjoyment doesn’t really come into it.
He doesn’t sound like a fully functioning adult I’m afraid.

On the plus side you could get a council tax reduction as a single parent

Why are there so many men like this in the world? Always seem to think they/their wants & needs are entitled to come before their children & bills etc WTF

I really hope my sons do not end up like this cos I can assure you I have a man very similar at times

blackteasplease

Best response!

If I'd come home to that scenario, I'd have probably broken it even more than it was!

You've married a man-child.

I'd consider that suggest council tax reduction, too.

blackteasplease

Brilliant The thought has crossed my mind

I have to agree with you all on the man child/ he needs to grow up front. I was govsmacked when he walked out the door. I have given him an earful, that’s when he turned around and said “so I’m not allowed to have things that I enjoy?”

When he left and said bye, I turned around and said “don’t come back “ he didn’t even help me when u was coming in with the buggy, with heavy shopping, and DS2 stopping me getting in.

I guess I also hate that he also hasn’t been very affectionate to me lately too

Fuck he’s back lol

@BewareOfDragons
We’re not married. Engaged. I wish I could have broke it more

I'm sure the magistrates will be super understanding when he tells them the council tax hasn't been paid because he needed bits for his toy arcade machine and his enjoyment is more important.

He should take up his assertion that his hobby is more important than the council tax with the court, I'm sure they'd be impressed and agree.

Are you sure you want to commit to a lifetime of this?

"so I’m not allowed to have things that I enjoy?”

Looks like your fiance has quite a bit of growing up to do. Unless you are both very young or you want to parent him too tell him to come back when he has.

Also with the council tax, it’s in both our names so my name will be dragged through the dirt too and as I have no money being a SAHM I can’t even begin to pay it off myself

bigchris

Not sure. He’s great at other times.

So close to tears right now I don’t know what to do

Just come across your post.
My husband can bejust as thoughtless hes meant to be helping me today as ive got somethibg wrong with my back, all hes done is sit and eat and read. Whilst ive continued to clean, wrap presents, mop, run around after 15 month old, convince9 yr old to clean her bombsite sorry bedroom. Oh and discuss changing courses for asd ds. Yeah thanks for all your help.
However if i left the house hewould makesure they ate and stayed alive. Can you call a freind for a rant. My friend and ihave a daily check in with what are husbands have done to piss us off today.

I don’t have any friends

I just cried my heart out and he didn’t give a shit. Apparently I’m a crap mum, I can’t discipline the kids, they should be “trained” to not misbehave.

There aren’t even any available hotels for me and kids tonight.

Talk to us then xx
Can you go to family?
I would advise him that if he only wants things he enjoys then he can leave. I wouldnt cook for him tonight leave him to it, take the kids out for food. Take them away from daddys tantrum.
Once hes calmed down maybe then you can explain how belittling he has been. How by being more intrested in his toy he has not been a parent today. When was the last thing you did that you enjoy. My camera has been broken for months but i put mykids needs before my own, the same as any invovled and caring parent.
He canhavehis toy, he can have time to enjoyit but there is a time and a place.

My partner is like this too, I should have already taught Ds about whatever it is he is doing. I regularly point out that parenting is parenting because it's constant and kids aren't dogs to be trained

Oh and the trained to not misbehave comment. Tell him to fuck off amd finish with "if theres no male role model to follow what do you expect"
Im angry on your behalf

mamabear

Thank you
I’ve been trying to get hold of my dad, I thought about taking the kids and staying the night, but he doesn’t have the room and it’s a 50 minute bus ride
I did think about taking them out, but can’t really think of anywhere local to eat.
There’s nothing of my own I really enjoy. I don’t even have much here that is mine. He’s got his PS4 and all that shit

That’s the point, he won’t put them first not on this anyway. He even said he’ll happily go to court if it means he can pay for another machine.

He just shouts in front of the kids, then I cried in front of them. He doesn’t even care. I feel trapped right now, there’s nowhere else to go

Court for another machine ? Im confused.

Honestly he really does not sound like he wants to be a dad. I get he is upset about his hobby getting interuppted but it sounds like a terrible over reaction.

In terms of food for kids, mcdolnalds, kfc, wetherspoons, go furthur afield if needbe let them have a late night and let him stress about food for himself. This is the time to get kids/you out of thehouse.