To be pissed off with DP’s lack of parenting today

[iwearshortshorts]

All day he’s been working on his Arcade machine as it’s broken. DS1 (2.10 yrs) is to blame for this and I am too as I let him bang it etc. Which I bloody don’t.

So me being sick to death of him shouting at the machine and DS1 to leave it alone, I took him out to buy shoes and a soft play leaving DS2 (13 months) with him.

I come home to find that he hasn’t given DS2 his lunch and instead given him a chocolate biscuit

Now he’s pissed off to buy more bits (or he’ll have to buy a new one) and it’s not cheap. We’ve got bills to pay and we’re behind on the council tax

He’s arguing that he’s fixing HIS thing that bring him enjoyment, and I’m taking it away from him saying we can’t afford it.

Meanwhile no help with kids or housework

AIBU to be pissed off?

We’ve got a council tax debt, thanks to him.

I know. We’d all love to put our thing first for once, but when you’re a parent you can’t. I don’t know what makes him think he’s so different.

I’m just going to feed them and if he starts again, I’ll somewhere with them. I won’t subject them to anymore of his crap. Otherwise I’ll wait till they’re in bed and just go watch tv upstairs

I don’t want to sound like I’m purposely staying indoors, I just can’t think of any place to go. Only food places open aren’t child friendly. Maccys is a 15 min bus ride away, and they’re both getting tired.

Thats fair enough love, try and keep them occupied,plus if the weather is like it is here i can understand not wanting to go out.

In terms of ct debt. Can you speak to them an arrange a payment plan, most are very good as long as you keep them informed of difficulties.

But his response to being able to buy another is completely irresponsible. Personally i wouldnt be able to respect my husband if he fed me a line like that.
I think once youve both calmed down you need an open and frank discussion

Come on OP, you sleptwalked into this and it’s time to wake up. This is who he is and probably all he’s always been but you made excuses or turned a blind eye.

Call your Dad in the morning and start making plans before his fecklessness pushes you further into debt.

You know his behaviour is unreasonable, selfish and not putting children first. You CAN get out of this situation, talk to your Dad, choose to leave yourself or tell him to go, talk to council tax dept and agree a minimum as your circumstances have changed and you'll get the discount from now on too. Have enough self-dignity to not stand for this! Children, bills to keep a roof over their head, come before anything for the adults. I have walked around with holes in my shoes for months before waiting to have enough money for new ones, let alone treats! Life costs!!! And you don't "train" toddlers!!! Gah. You can do this, for you and the kids.

I know, I really am seriously considering leaving for the first time ever. I tried to talk to him last night when we had calmed down (he got his machine fixed so was in a good mood ) and he just shrugged it off saying "you're making it all about you"

The only thing stopping me is that I don't have money, nowhere to go, we're in a city so everything is here including DS1's nursery that I won't be able to afford if I leave. There's nothing but downsides to leaving.

He's in a good mood today and wondering why I'm still being arsey