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Relationships

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Original poster

Pregnant and DH doesnt want a baby anymore

56 replies

upsideup · 22/09/2018 12:06

I'm 32 weeks and DH has told me that he doesnt feel like he wants another baby anymore and that we've maybe made a mistake.
He's given no reason for this, our kids are doing fine, works going fine, we have the money, time and space to be having another child and is tonight going away for 2 and half weeks for work saying we can talk about it when he gets back as he needs to think.

No idea what I'm supposed to do now or what I'm supposed to say to that

OP posts:

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:10

Oh no. There's a thread on here from someone with a planned baby who has just been told that the partner doesn't want the baby too. I'm so sorry. What a shock.

Ignore anything irrelevant - was the baby unplanned and could it be shock? How is your marriage generally as when you said the things that are fine you didn't mention your relationship being very happy and close etc? Could it be he was he thinking of leaving you before the pregnancy and now feels trapped?

inkydinky · 22/09/2018 12:12

How awful of him. Since the baby is a given. Presumably he’ll be using the 2 weeks away to consider whether he wants to be in the marriage. I expect the baby is an excuse rather than the reason and something else is afoot. Whatever the reasoning, consider whether YOU want to be with someone who a) thinks that way b) drops that bombshell and disappears. I know that pregnancy is a uniquely vulnerable time (as does he) and you’ll want your family together but I’d be tempted to tell him lbogbyk come back. I’m sorry he’s putting you through this x

fuzzywuzzy · 22/09/2018 12:13

How is you’re marriage generally?

A sudden change like this would to me point to a possible ow.

Do you have friends and family you can talk to about this? It’s really late in pregnancy for him ‘to change his mind’, what’s he expecting you to do about it?

inkydinky · 22/09/2018 12:13

Not to come back

Emma765 · 22/09/2018 12:13

He's done this at 32 weeks?! What exactly does he need to think about? Is he saying he's considering leaving?

What an arsehole. It's normal to get cold feet about the impact on your life and have your worries, but what on earth is he planning on thinking about and discussing?

So sorry this has happened to you. You must be really upset by it. To be honest I wouldn't accept that from him and would insist on more of a conversation sooner.

Original poster

upsideup · 22/09/2018 12:19

I thought our marriage was good, up untill now in 13 years I have never once doubted that he is the most amazing husband and father.
We had decided together to try for another child but got pregnant before we had originally planned to, he was excited.

OP posts:

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 12:22

So he fucks off for 2.5 weeks leaving you at home going out of your mind with worry about the future.

Charming.

I’d tell him not to bother coming back.

CrazyDogLady87 · 22/09/2018 12:23

he has left it a bit late to decide he doesn't want another baby! he could have told you this when you were trying (if you were) or if he didn't want an unplanned pregnancy he should have taken measures to not get you pregnant.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you I can't imagine what is going through your head and how you feeling.
i would spend this two weeks evaluating the situation, you know your husband best,

MrsMozart · 22/09/2018 12:23

What the f'ing heck does he expect you to do?! Wave a magic wand and Hocus Pocus no baby (or emotions or feelings).

I've read some things on here but he really does take the biscuit.

Sorry OP. No wise or useful words. Have a hug and a handhold.

QuimNiceButDim · 22/09/2018 12:23

I’d have his bags packed before he’s back.

You’re 32 weeks, you don’t have choices around this pregnancy, you do have choices around this marriage.

TulipsInBloom1 · 22/09/2018 12:24

Is there someone else?

Pebblesandfriends · 22/09/2018 12:24

Sorry op but this is a big red flag. I bet it's nothing at all to do with the baby. I would plan for the worst. Don't contact him, give him his space but start to get things in order so that you can continue without him. He needs to step up or get out, you can't be doing with indecision at this point.

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:24

So until recent bombshell you feel you two are very close, connected, emotionally intimate etc? Or has there been any distance recently?

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:26

I hate to think this but I do wonder if he's looking for a way out and he's going to blame the baby for being the reason, but the baby may be the catalyst. Either way it's a terrible way to treat you!

Amelia499 · 22/09/2018 12:27

I would say to him that you come with the baby, so if he's decided he doesn't want this baby anymore, he obviously does want the marriage either. You can't make a HUGE, joint decision like that and then decide that you're out when you start feeling unsure. I think it's even more crowardly that he's done this when he's away for 2 weeks now, leaving you feeling even more vulnerable and confused instead of being able to talk about it there and then. It's normal to have cold feet and be scared but to actually say he think yous have made a mistake when you're already quite far on pregnant is cruel. You have no choice but to let him "think" for 2 weeks, but I would make it clear that you're excited for the planned baby and if he can't get on board all of a sudden for whatever reason, then you'll be fine on your own without him.

JennyHolzersGhost · 22/09/2018 12:29

Bit late for that now, he should have thought about it before he made the baby. Does he think you can just return it from whence it came or something ?!

Tattletale · 22/09/2018 12:30

He's a dick op. You are 32 weeks and he is going away so there could feasibly be a baby at home by the time he comes back. Obviously worst case scenario is he is cheating. Aside from that. Is his job secure? How has he been throughout the pregnancy? Does he has personal money worries? I'm not saying it's an excuse, absolutely not, but could there be an underlying reason why he has said this? He's a grade A dick for saying this now and especially as he is going away. Have you got anyone you can confide in whilst he is away?

Sethis · 22/09/2018 12:30

He's hugely inconsiderate to drop this on you just before leaving for any length of time. This is the kind of thing you bring up when you have at least a couple of days uninterrupted available to you.

That aside, yes, it might be a red flag about another woman.

It might also just be that he has doubts and fears that he needs to work through. He needs to talk to you more, not less, in order to be open and honest about his feelings and what is making him think like this. It might simply be that on that particular day he was stressed out about work, and he blurted something at the wrong time in the wrong way, and now regrets it but doesn't know what to say to make it better, so he's taken refuge in being away for a bit.

He's picked the worst possible time to say something like that, and he's an idiot for doing so, but that doesn't mean that there is another woman, or your marriage is on the rocks, or that some catastrophe is about to happen. He could just have worries and doubts and not been able to say them properly. He could just be worried about money, or whatever. More talking is needed before any conclusions are reached.

Original poster

upsideup · 22/09/2018 12:31

Of course there could be someone else but I don't think its that likely, he is not secretive at all and I've had no suspicions. We're still really close no problems in our relationship that I'm aware of, he spends most of his time with me and the kids.
I'm not going to contact him now, I'm going to wait for him to do that.

OP posts:

PositivelyPERF · 22/09/2018 12:34

I’m so sorry OP. What a horribly selfish git.

I think you need to spend the two weeks that he is away, going through all the finances, with a fine tooth comb, to see if anything seems out of place, such as odd amounts of money being taken or transferred to a savings account. Photocopy every document you can get your hands on.

Hopefully he’s just having a wobble and is thinking about the financial, time and freedom constraints, having another child will have. If that’s the case, he will have no choice but to pull himself together. However, if he’s using this as an excuse to leave the marriage, then it’s best to get the practical stuff sorted. Do you have your own funds and savings? Can you put some cash away, just in case? As I say, I hope it’s just a blip, in an otherwise happy marriage.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 22/09/2018 12:36

Well you can tell him that he can go off and have his think but it doesn’t change the fact your new baby will be here in time for Xmas.....so a little change of heart is a little too late.

Thatstheendofmytether · 22/09/2018 12:41

*So he fucks off for 2.5 weeks leaving you at home going out of your mind with worry about the future.

Charming.

I’d tell him not to bother coming back.*

^ this

ohfourfoxache · 22/09/2018 12:44

He’s not a good husband OR father OR man

A good ANYONE wouldn’t do this

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:45

If you feel your relationship is close and there are no known external factors etc it case it could just be a very selfishly-handled wobble and he'll come back sincerely apologetic and be able to reassure you. I really feel for you.

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:45

*in that case

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