Please help me?! I've been with my partner for 8 years. We have 2 kids. It's always been a fairly turbulent relationship and he has the hottest temper. An argument quickly ascends into absolute chaos, name calling and put downs. For whatever reason he has such a hold over me. My councellor.. yes I have one and pay £40 an hour off simply offload to him. Anyways, he says it's like gambling... U give and give and give and get nothing in return and then that one time u get the slightest thing from him you are on cloud 9 and think you're in the happiest relationship of all. My family absolutely hate him and all the too"ING and fro'ing is wearing thin at this point. I wait till we have a bust up where he'll call me a cunt, a slag, a this, that and the other and then I'll say I can't do it anymore and that he has to leave. I tell my parents its for good this time but it doesn't take long for him to reel me back in. The 'i miss u' texts start... And texts about how I'm his sole mate bla bla bla and before I know I'm asking him to come back, so so in love with him. I desperately want a happy family but I know deep down I'll never have it with him. I've lost all my friends, simply because he has none so I stopped the life I had where I went out with friends etc because I couldn't bear the thought of him sitting on his own. Understandably, people get tired of asking and for as long as I can remember it's just him and me every night, every weekend, just living in a bubble. He used to to self harm when he was younger and had a previous suicide attempt when he was younger and his own family situation is terrible. He's an only child of an alcoholic mother and a father who take her back time and time and time again. She's one of life's takers tho and she'll go back and live with his father when she is running short in some other department. My bf hasn't had an easy upbringing but me and the girls offer him the most stability he could wish for but I feel like I'm his emotional punch bag. I've caught him on a gay chatroom and sending pictures of himself when I was 5 months pregnant. Ive caught him searching for hookers in our area when I found his phone lying on the kitchen floor. He turns all this around on me and tells me it's because i offer him no reassurance or affection and he feels lonely in his own relationship... I actually end up apologising. He smoke grass morning, noon and night and can't go to work in the morning before he's had some. Me and the girls are sitting waiting for him in the car. For years people have been telling me I need to leave and that having the girls grow up in a situation where daddy is screaming and mammy isn't healthy for them...but pity bringse back time and time and time again. I can't bear the thought.of him sitting in his dad's house at the weekend, with a box of beer and no friends and I'm worried he'll kill himself so I take him back and we have a good couple of days and then it's I still back to the same old shit. Recently I've started to go to my friends mum's house on a Saturday night. I've been like 4 times in total and it takes me about a week to even mention it because.of the reaction. I'll get the silent treatment followed by an argument and recently I've actually had a taxi pre booked for coming back home before I've even left the house to go... This is all just to try and make him not angry at me. I'm so so lost. I have a great support network and I own my house myself. I have epilepsy and I'm getting brain surgery in London later this year. I'm just a mess. He's gone since Monday but I'm already struggling to stick to my guns. I feel terrible about sending him packing and at the risk of my family and the little friends I have being annoyed at me, I'm contemplating taking him back. I have the personality to make a good life and restore a social life, even with 2 kids. My mammy and daddy are amazing and help with them and would encourage me to go out and meet new people. He lacks any sort of social awareness or the communication skills to make new friends so I suffer the consequences and were entangled once again in this repeatative cycle. Please give me some advice?