Hi,
First time posting, looking for some advice from people who have been in a similar unfortunate situation.
I recently found out my wife cheated on me last month on a night out. She met this guy in a bar and ended up going to his friend's flat where they had unprotected sex. I later found out that he is a married man with children. We have been married for 14 years and have children together.
I found out when I heard her talking to this man and during the conversation she talked about the sex they had that night, how it was very nice and other details I wish I had never heard. She then planned to travel with him to work on the train and meet him during the week when I was at work and she was free.
I confronted her about it and she admitted the whole thing, said sorry and promised to be with me and couldn't imagine her life without me. She said she deleted the number. I believed her at that time and thought I will not let a mistake ruin our otherwise perfect family. So decided to give it a go, arranged counseling and we went for a session.
I was absolutely devastated at this point, couldn't sleep or eat. Work suffered significantly and started smoking again. It was a movie of them having sex on repeat in my head and I couldn't get it out. Went to see the doctor who recommended personal counseling and gave me some sleeping pills.
We had a European trip planned for my birthday a week later so we went away for three days (just the two of us) thinking that it will help and it somewhat did. Had a great time and looked like we could rebuild trust and relationship.
I still had some suspicion when we returned, so checked her messages one night while she was asleep. In those messages, she was asking her friend for the number that she had called from her phone that day and she also asked her to keep the conversation on whatsapp and not regular texts. I checked the date of messages and she had called him a day before we went on our mini holiday. The thing that hurt the most is that she was trying to get his number from her friend while we were on holiday together trying to work on our relationship.
I confronted her a second time and she denied sending any messages to her friend but then admitted to trying to call him and that the call never really went though. She then said sorry and promised to never contact him again etc.
I was in a lot of pain by this time. I couldn't talk to any family or friends about this. It is difficult to explain the cocktail of emotions a betrayal introduces you to. A rollercoaster ride of everything will be ok to anger to sadness to helplessness and even questions about my own masculinity.
I tried to believe her a second time and ended up staying. Any trust had evaporated by this time. A week later, I checked her phone again and found the guy's number saved under one of her girlfriends' name and also some messages from Vodafone, saying your pay as you go top up was successful (she has a contract). My understanding was that she bought a separate sim to contact him.
This was the third time now and I felt as if someone had punched and knocked the wind right out of me. I got up packed my bags and left the house and confronted her on the phone. She completely denied buying the new sim card and Vodafone messages and said it must have been spam etc.
I have now been living away from home. I saw her briefly today and she admitted to everything. She says that this time she is ready to move on and she doesn't want to lose what she has and she only wants me and nobody else etc.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I can trust her but at the same time I feel I gave her plenty of chances to be honest with me but she betrayed my trust every time.