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Original poster

Help please - noisy eating DH

51 replies

Barbayagar · 20/09/2018 21:56

There have been a few issues lately, which we are working on, but one thing I would very gladly never hear again is the sound of him eating. He is so noisy. He has a clicky jaw that clicks every time he chews, he eats with his mouth open which he says he can't help (he is a mouth breather rather than a nose breather) and obviously this makes it even louder and more disgusting sounding. And finally, he never pauses between mouthfuls, once one is in the next one goes in before he has swallowed.

If I am sitting next to him I either need to turn the tv on quite loudly, or put my finger in the ear that is closest to him. I have told him several times over the last few years to try and eat a bit more quietly but it doesn't really help and I feel awful saying it. I don't think I have misphonia as nothing else bothers me. What can be done?

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 20/09/2018 21:58

Eat at different times it in different rooms?

I would struggle to cope with this op Flowers

SunflowerJo08 · 20/09/2018 22:00

We have this issue to a smaller extent - though the clicky jaw only happens when he yawns. We eat breakfast and lunch separately and I eat my dinner really slowly so that I can enjoy mine more once he has finished. I think it's a combination of having tonsil and adoniod issues as a child, and never developing the habit or manners of eating properly. I'm not shy when telling him to close his mouth or slow down, even if it means i'm saying the same thing near on every meal time.

The only thing to do really is just to keep on telling him. Or eat totally separately.

Sharkwithknees · 20/09/2018 22:08

Urghh, I feel you OP. I couldn't cope with this. I'd let him read an article on misophonia to help him understand just how bad it is - some people really don't understand how awful it is to listen to.

Alabasterangel6 · 20/09/2018 22:08

You’re absolutely not alone it’s a thing for me too and also meets with shrugs. I feel I can tell the children that it’s not okay to chew and chomp and snuffle through a meal, but not him as he’s an adult and shouldn’t need me to tell him manners. But the DC just say ‘Daddy does it’.

It’s revolting. Shovelling food into a cavernous gob is deeply un attractive.

My other hate is soup. He sits opposite me at the table and blows on each spoonful and blows so fucking hard my fringe moves and I can feel his breath all over my face. Followed by gobble gobble gobble of dunked bread.

I’ve stopped serving soup and relish the days we don’t all eat together. Envy

Stillme1 · 20/09/2018 22:10

That must be so awful for you. I could not stand it myself. Can you stagger meals or maybe one adult takes charge of the DC at the table while the other is in the kitchen eating. I don't think you said if you had DC but if you do or will have in the future I would be concerned that DC might pick up on this method of eating

Oneweekleft · 20/09/2018 22:13

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one with this problem. DH chews with his mouth open which is really noisy. He makes loads of noise generally and when he uses a fork for example to pick up salad he will stab the plate making scratching noises. I hate eating with him but what can you do. I've told him but he seems offended and acts like I'm being overly critical.

Cleanermaidcook · 20/09/2018 22:13

I have this with my dh too
It drives me mad, proper puts me off my food.
I tell him repeatedly to eat more slowly/wait till it cools down/stop bloody slurping.

It's just bad manners as he can eat normally when were eating out or with friends so he gets told every single time.
If he's really pissed me off he gets a hard stare! 😂

NotOnTheBench · 20/09/2018 22:16

Me too. Even my 3 nearly adult DSs comment on how he bolts his food + chomps. Always telling him he doesn't need to 'rush for the bus'. No effect.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/09/2018 22:18

Ah, you must move to another room, forthwith.

How is that he breathes through his mouth not nose? That is not normal or reasonable. Does he have a medical problem with his nose?

'Eat with your mouth closed' is a phrase used when training toddlers. It should neither need to be said nor implied, to an adult. FFS.

How on earth did you get together with such a person. Did you never go out to dinner?

sexnotgender · 20/09/2018 22:18

I couldn’t live with this. I’d have to eat separately and never see him eat.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 20/09/2018 22:22

This is why I don't visit my parents to eat if I can avoid it. My dad... It's just awful. A poster upthread said snuffling and that's exactly it. I can't eat with that going on so if I'm with them, I pick at my food until he is done and has left the table. He's also really disrespectful of everyone else as when he is done he just l3aves his stuff and goes to sit infront of the tv. I've never seen him even take his plate to the sink. Do want do a thing and then gets pissed off if his dessert isn't brought through to him as my mum has to clear the table! Pig.

Meandyoumake2 · 20/09/2018 22:27

My DP scrapes the fork on her teeth every mouthful and also slurps tea and soup. Always tell her but she's not too impressed Says I'm over sensitive to the noise

Reflection1 · 20/09/2018 22:31

I could have written this word for word.
It's actually really killing the feelings I have for DH.
We've been together 9 years and honestly I don't know how I didn't realise how bad his manners were in the beginning.
I feel like leaving the room every time we eat together, it's so so unattractive.
There are other issues in our marriage but this issue drives me up the wall and quite honestly makes me feel sick.
Don't know what the answer is and don't know how much longer I can cope staying with mine. if there were no DC involved I'd have left years ago 😭

myidentitymycrisis · 20/09/2018 22:33

My ex used to sort of hum when eating, not a tune but monotone noise.
Drove me nuts

Original poster
Barbayagar · 20/09/2018 22:35

Oh thank you so much for sympathizing and letting me know I'm not the only one. I forgot to add he does the scraping fork on his teeth thing too to add to the cacophony of noise. He drinks noisily as well, a slurp and a gulp and usually an aaah! when drinking tea/coffee.

His nose is often blocked due to permanent sinusitis which I think explains the mouth breathing. I have tried to say how much it bothers me and to get him to the doctors to see if they can refer him for the clicking at least but he won't go.

Fortunately eating out is not so bad as he is usually not sitting next to me but opposite which means I can't hear him as much.

Seriously, I think this is going to kill us :(

OP posts:
Alabasterangel6 · 20/09/2018 22:39

We went to see peter rabbit and DH found the greedy gobbling piglet quite funny. Which I found quite ironic as the noises were quite similar....

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 20/09/2018 22:40

@Barbayagar

If that helps a little then do it at home too. Sit across the table from each other instead of beside or at a corner.

Original poster
Barbayagar · 20/09/2018 22:41

Oh god and he stabs at his food!!! A poor innocent roast potato in a serving dish gets stabbed viciously.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 20/09/2018 22:45

My daughter had thus. It makes it difficult for her to eat and it aches so affects the speed she eats at. The dentist referred her to the orthodontist who in turn have referred her to our hospital.

I don’t know what they’ll be able to do but as annoying as it is to me, I they to keep in mind she’d prefer not to be like it.

BoiledFrog · 20/09/2018 22:49

My ex was a noisy eater, some times worse than others and I couldn't stand it, he was also very gluttonous, noisy and loud in every way it's possible to be. He was also seemingly immune to hints and even obvious seething it didn't last too long

RyderWhiteSwan · 20/09/2018 22:53

Ugh. People who shovel in food without pause, their eyes never leaving their plate. So offputting.

NFiftyTwo · 20/09/2018 23:10

If it's not just the sound of one person that drives you mad, could be this

time.com/4659308/misophonia-noisy-eating-science

Doingreat · 21/09/2018 00:08

Op can you buy and wear noise cancelling headphones when you eat with him? If he thinks that's rude point out that not getting help with his noisy breathing and bad table manners is inconsiderate to you.

Togaandsandals · 21/09/2018 00:33

Wax ear plugs may be one possibility.

SunflowerJo08 · 21/09/2018 07:46

I really feel for everyone who also suffers with this because although it sounds trivial and perhaps even unkind to "complain" about the way people eat, you don't realise until there is an issue with it just how much eating and food is a part of your life together. DH even chews yoghurt and ice cream - why would anyone need to do that? He seems to open his jaw way too excessively.

It is repulsive and it does drive a wedge between you because you feel like they should make the effort to change a habit that is frankly vile. But they don't and that seems to open up other issues; when you already have issues on top of this it can be the straw that broke the camels back.

Simply put though it is just revolting table manners - DH's siblings also eat the same so as with most things wrong with him, it can be traced back to his mother!

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