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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help please - noisy eating DH

51 replies

Barbayagar · 20/09/2018 21:56

There have been a few issues lately, which we are working on, but one thing I would very gladly never hear again is the sound of him eating. He is so noisy. He has a clicky jaw that clicks every time he chews, he eats with his mouth open which he says he can't help (he is a mouth breather rather than a nose breather) and obviously this makes it even louder and more disgusting sounding. And finally, he never pauses between mouthfuls, once one is in the next one goes in before he has swallowed.

If I am sitting next to him I either need to turn the tv on quite loudly, or put my finger in the ear that is closest to him. I have told him several times over the last few years to try and eat a bit more quietly but it doesn't really help and I feel awful saying it. I don't think I have misphonia as nothing else bothers me. What can be done?

OP posts:
wageslave · 21/09/2018 07:57

I too have misphonia. We've stopped inviting one person around for dinner because he snuffles, groans and slurps more loudly than our dog, and it's revolting to have a conversation with someone slopping food around in their open mouth like a cement mixer.

And breathe

MrsBobBlackadder · 21/09/2018 08:35

Another misophonia sufferer (self-diagnosed) here. Eating sounds are my main trigger. My DH scrapes his fork against his teeth EVERY FUCKING BITE and honestly it sometimes makes me want to pick the plate up and hurl it against the wall.

I also work in an office of yoghurt eaters and the sound of that (particularly the scraping of the pot for ten minutes at the end - why?!) gives me the rage.

I'm quite lovely in all other respects though Grin

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2018 08:40

Wasn't he like this before you were married? Why did you marry him if it annoys you so much?

Original poster
Barbayagar · 21/09/2018 08:44

Shox I didn't notice it at all before we married. It has also got much worse over the years.

OP posts:
MrsBobBlackadder · 21/09/2018 09:02

Likewise - I only noticed it a couple of years ago and we've been together for more than a decade.

We've been through other relationship issues and I'm wondering if it is partly related to those - I picked up on it about the same time, and now I can't unhear it, IYSWIM?

tccat · 21/09/2018 10:37

Kill him, it's the only way

NotOnTheBench · 22/09/2018 15:44

Tccat - apparently that's also a cure for snoring. Simply place a pillow over his face until the snoring stops.

MMor · 22/09/2018 18:29

Has he got allergies?

A bit ADD or ADHD? - they just can't seem to control some things. My son is like this. Eats with his mouth open all the time, no matter what, often talking at the same time! Knives and forks are always in random hands. etc etc. He really can't help it. Can your husband help it would be my question? though I don't know what the answer is.

MMor · 22/09/2018 18:30

I've told my son at every meal for 10 years to close his mouth whilst he was eating. He really can't. So, I just don't eat with him now if I can help it

BeUpStanding · 22/09/2018 21:03

I have found my people! Not sure what practical solutions I can offer OP, other than making a massive song and dance about it plus refusing to eat with him until he made more of an effort.

You have my utmost sympathy as this would drive me insane.

Doingreat · 22/09/2018 22:43

Do these men eat in this manner at work? When eating out with friends? When newly dating a woman?
If not they CAN help it but choose to eat in this off-putting way.

FlamingoLass · 22/09/2018 22:47

I can’t deal , my DH is the same. Recently he’s taken to ice lolly’s and I put headphones on before I go down for murder.

I have a colleague who sits other side of the room and she manages to crunch and eat so loudly with her mouth closed. I can’t even understand how it’s possible

Again, headphones.

Joysmum · 22/09/2018 23:09

Do these men eat in this manner at work? When eating out with friends?

Great question.

As I said upthread, my dd has issues she’s been referred on for them because she can’t help it. As annoying as it is for me, it’s awful and embarrassing for her and makes her self conscious Sad

BendyLikeBeckham · 22/09/2018 23:14

LTB

Oilyoilyoilgob · 22/09/2018 23:53

If he won’t go to the gp could you try a good dentist for his tmj problems? Often private ones specialise in it.
Also you can Botox for some jaw probs so maybe that’d be one less thing to annoy you!

You have my sympathies, I cannot abide noisy eating. Or noisy breathing or chewing gum mouth smackers 😤
Or noisy yawners, my husband does them so loud I have to rewind the telly and I tell him one day, mid yawn, I will put my hand in his mouth to quiten the noise
Think I just hate most noises 😂

Itsnotme123 · 23/09/2018 08:15

My ex used to eat noisily. Don’t think they can help it. His mother ate noisily too, so maybe it’s inherited. It drove me mad, and it was easier to eat in front of the telly, or with music in in the background. One of the very many reasons why I left him.

Dremelza · 23/09/2018 18:48

I didn't even know this was a thing!! So glad I'm not alone and found this thread although hearing all your stories has wound my stomach into a knot imagining those godforsaken noises!! AngryGrin

My DH sucks his teeth after he's brushed them every night.. Drives me freaking crazy!!!

Original poster
Barbayagar · 24/09/2018 14:57

He has a phobia of the dentist so very unlikely I'll be able to get him to go. He does have allergies too (don't ask about the sniffing). He does go on a lot of work dinners, all I can imagine is he tones it down a bit for his colleagues and obviously there is all the restaurant background noise too so it's not as evident.

He also clicks when he breathes with his mouth open when he sleeps, must be something in the back of his throat. This one doesn't bother me quite so much, it's rather soothing! I make him sound wonderful don't I?!

OP posts:
ravenmum · 24/09/2018 15:07

My ex used to bend right over so his mouth was above his plate and shovel the food in. Really annoying if you are trying to teach the children to eat nicely. The most annoying thing was probably just the feeling that he obviously could not give a shit, so I could either watch this (and his other habits) or become a nag. Like I was a very ineffective stand-in teacher.

I think this is basically just laziness, as they manage not to do it for the first few years while they feel they need to put the effort in.

He needs to get his nose checked out. I would bet he does not have sinusitis at all, and it's just that his nasal cavity is too narrow. As you get older, the tissue can collapse a bit and it becomes narrower. I had surgery on mine and was amazed at how much easier it is to eat without getting out of breath (which happened because I ate with my mouth shut!). Does his nose look quite narrow at the top?

Doingreat · 24/09/2018 17:44

Some of the men mentioned on this thread sound like right catches sorry to say. You ladies are saints for putting up with it day in day out.

lrh3891 · 24/09/2018 21:18

OP and others, you have my sympathies. My ex was exactly the same, as is my dad. I have to discreetly put earplugs in at dinner time when I go to see my parents, or I get utter rage and risk damaging my relationship with my dad, which is otherwise very good.

It's absolutely fucking awful living with this, so easy to minimise but really all consuming.

PookieDo · 24/09/2018 21:23

I have a clicking jaw. When I had my wisdom teeth removed they couldn’t get one of them out, then it shattered and they had to cut open the gum and pick it all out, my jaw was open for a long time (ie hours) and dislocated and damaged all re ligaments. My kids constantly complain about the noise and I am pretty self concious about it and end up eating alone quite a lot so I don’t upset anyone. Which is crap. Sounds like your DH does not care though!

Doingreat · 25/09/2018 10:07

@pookiedoo, that sounds so difficult and painful. I didn't know tooth removal could go so wrong. You seem so considerate of other's comfort. I'm sorry you eat alone. Can the clicking jaw be corrected?

Oilyoilyoilgob · 25/09/2018 10:33

The jaw ones make me feel for everyone, I have tmj and didn’t visit the dentist for 8 years as the last time it kicked whilst having the hygienist app done.

I’ve joined a private one this year (or husband booked it for me!) and they were amazing so OP maybe look into tmj/nervous patient private dentists? Both the dentist and hygienist were wonderful with me crying and shaking and I actually enjoyed me appointments 😎 the right staff can make such a difference.
If he got his nose and mouth checked it would hopefully help all of you x

PookieDo · 25/09/2018 10:58

It’s much recovered now re pain, just irritating noise! If I yawn too wide it will cramp up and hurt but I just got sent away with a pat on the head 😂 and a hugely swollen gob.

I don’t like the idea I might make other people gag so would rather leave the room