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Relationships

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Original poster

When during you relationship/marriage did you decide to start a family?

41 replies

Cosmogirl · 10/06/2007 19:38

I have recently started to get broody. Been with husband for seven years married for just over two.
I was wondering, how long were you together/married before you had your first child? And was your partner as keen on the idea of having children as you?

OP posts:

warthog · 10/06/2007 19:40

when we started going out. we both felt we didn't want to commit to someone who didn't have the same view of the future, fundamental to which is whether or not you want children.

boomie · 10/06/2007 19:42

DH and I had been together for 11 years and we then got married. We had never spoken about starting a family at all until one evening (3 months after our wedding). We decided there and then that we would start trying - 3 weeks later I was pregnant!!

I still can't believe that such little thought went into our planning but can honestly say that it was the best decision we've made - DD1 is now 5.

AbRoller · 10/06/2007 19:42

I'm so glad you posted this - hoping from your thread I might get half an idea myself. Been with dp almost three years now and he's not ready and I'm broody as hell. don't know what to do

Flame · 10/06/2007 19:43

When I got pregnant

No, in all seriousness, we both knew we wanted children from day one, and I was always very very broody.

I came off the pill as it was messing up my body, we decided to chance it one night... DD is now 4 .

Gobbledigook · 10/06/2007 19:44

Same as warthog.

We got married and I was pg 9 months later so first ds born 18months after we got married (now got 3 boys).

lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:44

from before we got married, had he not wanted a family, it would have been a deal breaker

we had been together almost 18 months when we got married, and had already discussed starting a family,on honeymoon..but DH wanted to wait until i had passed my driving test..so that took 6 months. discussed children from the outset really...and he was as keen, if not keener than me

LucyJones · 10/06/2007 19:44

My dh wasn't convinced about having kids but knew I wanted them so when he proposed I said yes, but later asked if he wanted kids. Best to sort this things out right at the start.
Got married in 2002 and had first child in 2004.

harrisey · 10/06/2007 19:46

We got together in 1990, married in 1994, dd1 born in 2000. We got pg first go (we were late for a church concert because we were busy ) and that was it. We were both ready at about the same time - we were both 29 when dd1 was born.

Went on to have ds 24 months later and dd2 22 months after that.

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 10/06/2007 19:47

AbRoller - I think it might be a man thing - they don't have the hormones kicking in and telling them that the time is right. Have discussed kids with DH and he says he wants then at some point soon but he seems pretty ambivalent about it. I guess I want him to seem really keen and excited and right now I don't get that impression. But maybe I am expecting too much.

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MrsTulkinghorn · 10/06/2007 19:48

We both knew we wanted marriage and kids from the first weeks we were together. Fast forward 3.5 years and I got bored waiting for the proposal and said I was feeling broody. A few weeks later he planned a very romantic meal and he said he wanted to try for a baby too. DD was born 4.5 years into our relationship. Oh, and he finally proposed when I was 8 months pregnant!

PavlovtheCat · 10/06/2007 19:48

when I found out I was pregnant! 7 years into our relationship!

PavlovtheCat · 10/06/2007 19:49

AbRoller - come off the pill or whatever contraception you are on, tell him that you are no longer taking contraception, and tell him that it is up to him whether he wants sex or not, he knows the consequences!

GooseyLoosey · 10/06/2007 19:51

Been together 10 years when ds was born. Not sure either of us were too keen on the idea just decided that if we didn't go ahead and have them soon we would run out of time. Maybe not the best motivation but now we have them, we wouldn't go back to not having them.

AbRoller · 10/06/2007 19:53

cosmogirl you're not expecting too much IMO. Maybe with all factors taken into consideration it may not be the right time in the relationship but that doesn't take away the broodiness at least not for me. Seems EVERYWHERE we go now we see pg ladies or babies and it really makes me sad.

I know what you mean about wanting him to be as excited as you. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice as I'm in the same boat but just wanted to let you know your not alone

Roobie · 10/06/2007 19:53

We met in 1994, married in 1997 and had dd in 2002. We always knew we wanted kids but just had to get a few big holidays out of the way first and then dh had to get a new job and then we had to move house and and and ..... Fortunately I got pregnant on the first attempt which was lucky as it was beginning to feel as though we'd never get round to it.

admylin · 10/06/2007 19:55

I was with dh for just over a year when we talked about having children. He said wait because he was a student then and wanted to wait until he'd finished. I said no because I didn't want to be too old as I was 29 at the time (he was a mature student!) If I'd listened to him I wouldn't have any kids now 9 years on because he did his Master, then PhD then postdoc on a grant he'd have always found an excuse.
Had ds straight after our talk and dd a year and 2 months later (on natural contraception method!)

PavlovtheCat · 10/06/2007 19:55

Dp was ready before me, although he always said I really want children 'at some point', never definitive about when!

ohsmellyjelly · 10/06/2007 19:58

Been with then bf 3 yrs when I got pg with ds 1, hadn't really discussed kids before then. Had dd2 then got married, all upside down!!

mumfor1standfinaltime · 10/06/2007 19:59

Dh and I have been together for 12 years, and married for 5 this year.
Ds is now 2.5

It never entered my mind to have children until after I married, but I still didn't think it would happen! Dh's Mum died just before we married and I guess it made us both think 'life is short' and lets do it.

I must admit though, that when I got broody - I got really broody! Dh was probably more broody than me.

Scanner · 10/06/2007 19:59

Decide? do people do that?

ElenyaTuesday · 10/06/2007 20:01

Slightly different scenario for me as Dh was the one who was desperate to have children but I didn't want to know! After seven years I gave in as I felt that I hadn't made it completely plain that I didn't want children before I married him................

tutu100 · 10/06/2007 20:02

dp and I both wanted children very much but had no money. We'd both just graduated from uni when I was told by a consultant I was seeing for pelvic problems not to put off having children. That kind of spurred us into action as we decided we'd rather have a child and live on the little money we had than wait, save and then find out it wasn't possible. We'd been together 6 years when I got pregnant with ds. I was 25 when he was born and dp was 26. I'm trying to persuade him to try for no. 2 now!

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 10/06/2007 20:04

Really interesting responses so far. Just shows that there is no right time, everyone takes this step at different times and stages of their relationships.
AbRoller - know what you mean about seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere - never noticed them before the broodiness kicked in! Few friends/relatives have had babies recently too and I think that makes you think about it more.

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NikkiBFG · 10/06/2007 20:08

Cosmo - DH wanted children but wasn't sure when he wanted them...so I said well I'm nearly 30 and I don't want to wait anymore so he agreed but during the TTC period he was very laid back and chilled out about it...much eye rolling at me buying early response preg tests etc...

It was only when I got pregs and the bump started to show and he could see/feel movements that he really started to get into it and now you couldn't find a more doting dad!

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 10/06/2007 20:12

Aww that is really nice Nikki - I have a feeling DH might be similar. Can't see him getting too excited until it is really happening. I plan for the future a lot whereas he is more of a take each day as it comes kinda guy. They say opposites attract!

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