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Original poster

DP and I had a long talk last night, and what he said devestated me ...

27 replies

kittylette · 10/06/2007 18:23

It started off as a bit of an argument, but then we started to talk,

Dp has been 'fedup' for a long time and he told me something that just hurt so much.

Long story but about 4 years ago (when i was only 18 - had been with DP for 2 years at that point) I kind of 'broke up' with him and went off with this boy. I had never drank, never been to a party ect and wanted to see what that life was like,

so i travelled to Bedfordshire and stayed there at new years eve.

I didnt fancy this boy at all, he was my frien (the only one I had apart from DP) but we did kiss (the thought of it now makes me feel sick as i didnt fancy him at all and i was just being disgusting)

anyways DP was ringing and ringing and as i was pissed off i wasnt answring.

basically i was pissed for the first time EVER and fell asleep in a bed with this lad (nothing happened)

I came home the next day.

so last night DP told me that both THE LAD i was friends with and THE PEOPLE I WERE 'SOCALLED FRIENDS WITH' at that time had told DP that i has had sex with this lad.

And for the past 4 YEARS DP has thought that!!

I asked him why he never asked me ... and he said he just thought it was true and it hurt sooo much that he just put it to the back of his mind and couldn't bear to even say it out loud!!

We have been together 7 years and we have never been apart - exept those 2 nights.

I know i was only young, ect

its just the thougth that for the last 4 years DP has had these demons in his head, this barrier between us - and its never happened.

I dont know why im posting this it has just floored me that hes thought this for so long and never said

maybe this has been an underlying probelm i never knew about.

fuck.

its just crazy

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 18:33

well, it is good you have had this talk before the wedding

the first thing that strikes me is what would you have thought if your DP had gone off with another girl even if you had broken up....? you would have maybe thought something had gone on

but the fact is, even though he thought that and had been told that, he wanted to be with you and have children with you and now wants to marry you

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 18:35

i know, but i would have asked him what happened,

well he did and I told him when it happened, and he said he seemed to believe me.

im just shocked thats hes lived all these years believing a lie instead of just asking me about it!

OP posts:
Peachy · 10/06/2007 18:36

Honestly?

Blardy shame you didnt have sex with this other ald, better we all see a bit of life before we settle down in my opinion. You weren't together, we all have to make a few mistakes on the path to adulthood, and really its all over and done with.

If its been bothering him 4 years without him mentioning it, its mroe his problem, tbh.

Sorry uncharacteristically unsympathetic of me, but I genuinely believe that we have to see a bit of life to know what we really want and need.

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 18:38

i never would have

i didnt fancy him, i was pissed and felt sorry for him, the thought of kissing him makes my skin crawl1 never mind sleeping with him.

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 18:40

well, i still think the fact you and DP are together and have a family speaks volumes...

why has it taken 4 years though to bring this to the fore..

what else is simmering under the surface?

now might be a really good time for you both to offload

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 18:45

thats it,

thers no other worries

i knew he was upset about what happened and now i understand why, he has thought that i really cheated on him

weve only ever slept with each other and ive always thought that was so special, but hes doubted that for so long now,

it makes me so sad

OP posts:
Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 18:47

I dont know why its taken so long, he just said it hurt too much to say, and he didnt want to a#talk about it all - so he just 'blocked it out'

OP posts:
Peachy · 10/06/2007 19:02

I'd still question how you could have cheated on him if you had dumped him at the time, and why it came out now- was it a genuine cathrtic outpouring or an attempt to punish you for something that happened in the row? That would be worth some consideration.

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:05

no, we had an argument and got talking about why he was fed up,

and although we had 'broke up' we knew we would be together again, so its not like he was going to forget about me when i was off in some strange part of the country,

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:06

if this goes to the core of your relationship, it is good that it has come out now, but it is where you go from here that is important

you cannot change what happened, or how he has felt for the last 4 years

but what is making you so sad? that he doubted you? that he thought you would sleep with someone else?

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:06

ok it wouldnt have been offocail cheating, but i did cheat on him, becaus ei still loved him with all my heart at the time and jnew we would be together after, forever - i was just being selfish

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:07

well, i don't get this

we broke up, but we were going to be together again

then why break up?

but what spurred that little break up?

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:07

yes, that he thought i would sleep with someone else

that he didnt open up to me

im still mad at myself for what i did, i feel physically sik when i think about this boy and kissing him

OP posts:
Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:08

the fact i was 18.

he was my first boyfiend, my only ever kiss.

i felt
(at that time) it was too much too fast

and i wanted to go out and go to parties - he didnt

OP posts:
Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:09

so i went without him (for 2 nights) and have regreted it ver since and never looked at another lad since

OP posts:
compo · 10/06/2007 19:09

Why did he decide to tell you now though?
God, the lad and the other friends are really odd to have told such a lie to your dp. Don't they like him? Or did the lad want you to be his girlfriend?

lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:09

look, it is a rarity in this day and age to have only slept with teh person you marry

and the fact is, that is still the case for you and DP

ok, you kissed someone else...but you were on a break, as it were

DP must still have loved you dearly to get back with you, have children with you and now wants to get married

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:11

they hated each other.

they werent nice people

they were the 'wrong crowd' iykwim

OP posts:
compo · 10/06/2007 19:11

"on a break" reminds me of Friends

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:11

i dont see it as we wereon a break - i seeit as i cheated on him, with those kisses

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:12

me too compo!!

kitty......a kiss is not something to beat yourself up about for years, ok?

and also, how did you leave things with DP? how are you going to move forward from this?

lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:13

but you said you had broken up with him

don;t try to make it seem worse

it was a kiss

nothing more

not a grand passionate affair

you were enjoying a taste of freedom,you were young and enjoying yourself, trying a new side of life

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:13

we're just talking as normal,

things seem better today then they have for a while,

maybe we needed a bit of a row and maybe he feels better as hes confronted the issue and now knows the truth?

OP posts:
lulumama · 10/06/2007 19:15

that is positive then

wedding still on?

if so, shake yourself down and move on, this has no reason to destroy your relationship

Original poster
kittylette · 10/06/2007 19:15

i know i must sound ridiculous,

but our relationship has never been like others our age,

from 15 weve been so, so close. and he is truely the only one for me.

I know it was just a kiss, but it makes me feel awful, because i hurt him so muc, and he would never do that to me, never

and i dont know why i did it to him,

i cant imagine what was going through my mind! its like i was a different person

OP posts: