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Original poster

Did he cheat on me and going to again?

30 replies

sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 06:32

So 5am I’m fully awake and feel sick from shock...
I’ll try make it as short as possible, but preamble is needed.
We (my husband and I) had a big unpleasant fight in the evening because next weekend he wants to go to his hometown for some birthday party of his close friends from childhood, I said I don’t want much as it’s a long drive and only one night and I’m the one who will be taking care of baby (we’ll be staying at his moms house, but DS doesn’t know her, so I don’t want to leave him before he’ll go to bed), so I’ll come late for the party and will leave early. And also I don’t want him to drive after he will be getting drunk (and he will 100%). He said that then I can stay home, but he will take the baby anyway. And here started the fight, it’s not the first time that if I don’t want to go he telling me how he will take the baby regardless what I’m saying. DS is 1yo.
*I might start separate thread about our fight as it’s just brief.
Anyway, I went to bed, slept terribly because of stress, woke up for baby feed and got to his Whatsapp. Found there chat with the guy who will have a birthday.

Conversation is next:
blahblah about some other guy who is coming too
BG(birthday guy): good job he missus is coming.
DH: it’s still debated. I’d rather leave her at home
BG: if he gets chance should totally come by himself, I know you want to;) karen and michelle [laughing smiles]
DH: haha too easy!
BG:lol

So wtf is that? 2 local party whores? or he was with 1 (or 2 of them) at last party? I’m totally confused and it’s just disgusting. I need to mention that year ago my DH went on wedding to his hometown during which he wasn’t too much talkative, I couldn’t attend, and it’s all the same people (I mean birthday guy and all other guys).
Also our relations are terrible last 6 months if not more, we are fighting all the time and I don’t remember when last time we had sex. My DH is an arse, but I wouldn’t ever think that he actually would cheat just like that:(

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 06:49

Also, should I go to this party and see these girls and how they communicating?

OP posts:
BumbleeBeeMe · 20/09/2018 06:52

Honestly just sounds like disgusting male 'banter' to me. It's the way he's dismissed your feelings that would upset me.

Charlie97 · 20/09/2018 06:55

Lots more wrong with your relationship than that message.

But why call two women they mentioned whores? That's just nasty! Why are they whores?

Charm23 · 20/09/2018 06:56

Well I wouldn't mention anything to him because you have no solid proof right now and he will only lie and cause further argument at this stage. I'd probably start collecting evidence, let him go to the party and continue to monitor his phone.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 20/09/2018 06:57

I also thought it sounded like banter too.

Sadli · 20/09/2018 07:10

I think it was banter. I would still be suspicious though, but it's your husband at fault, not 'whores' they don't owe you anything Confused

TheClitterati · 20/09/2018 07:33

Whores? Oh dear.

Livinglavidal0ca · 20/09/2018 07:38

He's drink and drive? Sums him up really, even without the other stuff.

AdoreTheBeach · 20/09/2018 07:47

You should go to the party. This way you’ll see things for yourself (and hear any gossip about the wedding you didn’t go to).

On another topic, leaving a 1 year old with grandparent is not an odd thing. Unless there’s a reason (neglect, over riding your wzparental decisions etc) leaving your child with grandparents could lead to a lovely relationship between them. Go early in the day, allow some time for DC to get used to GP before going out.

How is it your DC is one year old and doesn’t know GP? Never been to their home yet is close enough for an overnight trip? Is this the first time you’re asked? If so, why so long? Sounds as though there’s a back story here.

My own IL lived a distance from us. FIL not comfortable driving the distance so we used to take DC to see them. It’s a fairly common thing to do.

Are you putting restrictions on DP to see family/friends back home? Might be why he’s saying he’d take DC anyway if you don’t come. Being a couple, you need to be accommodating to socialise with DP family/friends unless there’s a good reason. It’s part of being a couple.

Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 07:59

@Livinglavidal0ca he won’t be driving drunk, but knowing his drinking habits, he will have a major hangover next day. I just don’t think it’s responsible to drive long distance in such condition.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:03

to those concerned about word “whores” - I didn’t find better substitute to “one night stand option who don’t mind to be shagged by married men and who are so easy that men don’t even want much and laugh” and it’s too long to type.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:05

@Snitzelvoncrumb @Sadli can you please explain how banter works? my inflamed after fight brain doesn’t see it as joke.
Man suggest married man to come alone as there will be some particular girls:(

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 20/09/2018 08:10

to those concerned about word “whores” - I didn’t find better substitute to “one night stand option who don’t mind to be shagged by married men and who are so easy that men don’t even want much and laugh” and it’s too long to type.

You sound utterly vile about women, direct your anger at your husband!

HereIgoagainxx · 20/09/2018 08:10

The too easy reply is worrying, but you will never get the truth from your husband. Not a hope

LoveAGoodChat · 20/09/2018 08:12

Op do you know where the party is,?...I would let him take the baby, let him think you are staying home , and then I would secretly go incognito to the party venue and sit hidden in a corner (somewhere he couldn't see) and see if he actually was with women...if he was, and he was kissing and touching etc I'd film them on my mobile phone (because you would want evidence because he will deny it happened even of you said you saw it with your own eyes)....then I would calmly walk over, introduce myself to the woman as dh wife, and then say to him, "now I see why you wanted to.come on your own" then I'd announce I was going to get our baby and that I was going home and that he would find his bags packed and waiting for him when he returned home...

Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:14

@AdoreTheBeach oh nothing like that. i love his parents and we visit them on holidays and just visit. But not too often. It’s a 4h drive which is a bit stressful with baby in the car. I’m saying that DC doesn’t know them because babies don’t remember people if don’t see them often, so I’m a bit concerned that DC will be upset when we will leave, at least it’s how it was each time before.

Thank you for advice, I probably will do that - will go to party and will see these girls

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Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:17

@HereIgoagainxx exactly! what this too easy about? I have only one explanation:(
Won’t talk to him, you are right, it will be pointless

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howdyholdthedoody · 20/09/2018 08:19

to those concerned about word “whores” - I didn’t find better substitute to “one night stand option who don’t mind to be shagged by married men and who are so easy that men don’t even want much and laugh” and it’s too long to type.

What a horrible way to talk about women you don't even know, you don't even know whether this happened or not. You sound horrible.

Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:23

@LoveAGoodChat that’s a great “evil plan”, but I don’t know the address, it will be private party, so I won’t be able to sneak and stay invisible and if I won’t “catch” him it will be too awkward that I drove 4h to attend party which I didn’t want to. Would be good if it would be in our city))

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NowImFound · 20/09/2018 08:33

I am also concerned about the way you describe women you don't actually know. As others have stated, redirect your anger where it is deserved.

You don't even know what this is about. I don't agree that this is acceptable "male banter" at all, but there isn't enough proof to call him out for cheating.

I would be more concerned that he doesn't care at all about how you are feeling in this situation and that he would take the child without your consent! Because quite frankly, he would be taking the child and leaving him in the care of someone else. He sounds selfish and lacks care or respect for you completely. I would be more bothered about this right now.

user1492863869 · 20/09/2018 08:41

Aside from the other issues. Take a train. Should be affordable enough at the weekend. You were unreasonable for being difficult about the trip and not respecting his reasons for going. He was unreasonable by demanding to the child without you. However the worse outcome for you is a weekend to yourself.

But you are not working together In your marriage. You need to work on that. Counselling may help. You have a child. Put his or her needs first and sort out your relationship and how you will parent together. Sexist banter, concocting evil plans and unreasonableness (both of you) is not a partnership.

Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 08:45

@NowImFound that’s all correct what you wrote. I’m not mad at women and so on, but as per his chat they are “always available”, so I didn’t find any other wordBlush.

We have lots of more other issues and relations are disaster. I’m even close to divorce him. But these messages just blown my mind. I couldn’t imagine that on top of all issues he is also a cheater. BehEnvy

OP posts:
Irinn · 20/09/2018 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sunshine789 · 20/09/2018 11:11

@user1492863869 as I said our relations are terrible now, so there is no peace there.

Did you ever try counseling or some of your friends? How does it look like?

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/09/2018 11:34

You know, relationships aren't meant to be this hard and they aren't meant to make you feel so angry and miserable.