Did he cheat on me and going to again?

[sunshine789]

So 5am I’m fully awake and feel sick from shock...
I’ll try make it as short as possible, but preamble is needed.
We (my husband and I) had a big unpleasant fight in the evening because next weekend he wants to go to his hometown for some birthday party of his close friends from childhood, I said I don’t want much as it’s a long drive and only one night and I’m the one who will be taking care of baby (we’ll be staying at his moms house, but DS doesn’t know her, so I don’t want to leave him before he’ll go to bed), so I’ll come late for the party and will leave early. And also I don’t want him to drive after he will be getting drunk (and he will 100%). He said that then I can stay home, but he will take the baby anyway. And here started the fight, it’s not the first time that if I don’t want to go he telling me how he will take the baby regardless what I’m saying. DS is 1yo.
*I might start separate thread about our fight as it’s just brief.
Anyway, I went to bed, slept terribly because of stress, woke up for baby feed and got to his Whatsapp. Found there chat with the guy who will have a birthday.

Conversation is next:
blahblah about some other guy who is coming too
BG(birthday guy): good job he missus is coming.
DH: it’s still debated. I’d rather leave her at home
BG: if he gets chance should totally come by himself, I know you want to;) karen and michelle [laughing smiles]
DH: haha too easy!
BG:lol

So wtf is that? 2 local party whores? or he was with 1 (or 2 of them) at last party? I’m totally confused and it’s just disgusting. I need to mention that year ago my DH went on wedding to his hometown during which he wasn’t too much talkative, I couldn’t attend, and it’s all the same people (I mean birthday guy and all other guys).
Also our relations are terrible last 6 months if not more, we are fighting all the time and I don’t remember when last time we had sex. My DH is an arse, but I wouldn’t ever think that he actually would cheat just like that:(

Yes I sensed that was the case. The trip should be an easy thing for you both to sort but has become a trigger point for the general problems in the relationship. I think these centre on the impact of a child and his decision to go to the wedding 6 months ago.

Counselling does work but not always to keep people together. It can be a step to realising that you need to live apart. Otherwise it can help you work though issues.

It can be done individually and or together. The latter requires honesty and confidence in that honesty. If you can’t afford it, you can look into reading therapies to help you assess what you want to do about the situation.

We can’t tell whether the messages are banter or a clue to confirming that he had a ONS. It isn’t nice banter. I think work out what you want from the relationship, including assurance and honesty about the message from him. But if he don’t want to be with him anymore I wouldn’t waste energy on the latter. You don’t have to prove cheating to decide the relationship isn’t working.

Have you thought about what it would be like on your own, even for a bit?

I know, these relations are not what relations should be at all. I was thinking about leaving a lot, as my husband is not just talk to me like that all the time, he is abusive (yesterday in the same conversation he said that he is commander in this family and that I'm cuckoo being concerned about his safe driving) and the worst is that we had earlier few big scandals and I was going to leave on what he said that he will not give me the baby... I dont know how that might look like. Will be pulling him out of my arms or will lock us at home or whatever.

So this chat is like a cherry on the top of the cake = apart of all crap its just affair is missing

He can’t take your child from you.

He is deluded in his thinking. Get in touch with women’s aid. You are entitled to decide how you want to live and to make decisions for you. You don’t need him to agree to them if you decide to move on. If you stay together it must be on your agreed terms as partners.

He’s not living in Gilead

I think men often say they'll take the child because they know this will stop the women leaving and it does., and what would he do with a 1 year old. Thing is you have equal rights to the child, as you both have parental responsibility. If you separate you really need to make arrangements between you about the care of the child. If you can't do this, then the matter goes to the family court and believe me that drags on and on and there is no legal aid available so you have to present your own case. You have to have mediation to see if there's a way out of going before a judge in the family court.

Look I might have this completely wrong but I couldn't help thinking the BG was actually talking about the guy they were talking about before. BG says "if HE gets chance he should totally come by himself" OK then there was "I know you want to " but that could be blokes banter.

I think the important thing is you say H is an arse and you are fighting all the time. I wonder if you have post natal depression that can come on several months after the birth of a baby. Sounds like it might be time to think of seperating if that's at all possible. I think that thing about going to the party and sitting in a dark corner to see what's going on is a bit daft to be honest.

@Catrina1234 well, it wont happen - sitting in the dark corner, sneaking to the party)) Its impossible and too melodramatic.

Yes, they were talking about the guy. H said that he wrote him, asking if he is coming, after something about his wife and if that conversation would finish on "I know you want to", I would think that H wants to his friend to come alone or something like that. But after goes about some girls and this "too easy"... dont get it.

Why there is no legal aid available? They dont provide it for divorces? Do you have experience with divorce?:/