Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What’s wrong with me?!

38 replies

Unspoken · 17/09/2018 22:15

Hi,

I’m a 27 year old man. I have been with my current partner for 8 years coming on 9 years. She is beautiful and I would say out of my league looks wise.

We met young and we have a son aged 8. He’s my pride and joy. Wouldn’t change him for the world.

But... I still seem to crave attention from girls if I go out. I’ve never cheated on my partner but I feel I’ve been on the verge of it in some cases and don’t understand why I want to do this... I love my current partner and think she is great and I would never want to hurt her. I sometimes feel that we are on different pages in life as I see my friends loving life and I’m slaving away doing the same thing say in day out and she just wants to sit in the house and watch tv.

I feel that I missed out on experiencing life in my 20s as I had to work to provide and not do what I intended on doing such as travelling and meeting girls etc. People keep telling me life is far to short to be unhappy.

Am I wrong for wanting to flirt and chat? Does this mean I’m unhappy with my life or relationship? I’m scared that one day it’s going to go further and ruin our lives completely. I also feel that my life would be awful without my partner and my son.

Thanks

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 17/09/2018 22:18

Sounds like there's something missing in your life/relationship, dig deep to find it.

JacintaJones · 17/09/2018 22:21

Are you actually unhappy?
Or does your ego want to be stroked?

There's a difference you know.

Original poster
Unspoken · 17/09/2018 22:29

I don’t think I’m unhappy or anything to do with that! I have a good job, nice house and good income. But feel I’ve missed out a lot on life being young.

Bedroom time is good with my partner.

I think it’s more a thing of knowing I can still possibly go out and chat up chicks! So yeah more a ego booster? But is this a normal thing? Does all guys do this?

Thanks

OP posts:
lowtide · 17/09/2018 22:33

No they don’t. Second time today I’ve said someone is immature. And needs to get therapy and stop being so self obsessed
It’s not all about you

lowtide · 17/09/2018 22:33

Though this is clearly not real and a perfect mumsnet fodder to make people annoyed. 0/10

findingmywaytoday · 17/09/2018 22:35

Personally I'd divorce my husband, but then I wouldn't behave like that. Would you be happy with your partner behaving the way you are? Regardless, sounds like something is missing.

RadagastTheBrown · 17/09/2018 22:39

Mate, if I can use such a term on here then man up. All you're missing is the 'excitement of the chase' and you need to get over yourself. You made some choices earlier in life and now you need to deal with the consequences.
Yes, I'm a bloke and a fair bit older than you but you're not unhappy you just think there's an itch you haven't scratched yet. Wrong.
If you really think your life would be awful without your partner and your son, why are you even asking the question?

Original poster
Unspoken · 17/09/2018 22:39

I’m really not trying to annoy anyone.. this is 100% real...

And I’m not saying it’s all about me.. but I want to know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling... don’t understand how it’s all about me and I’m self obsessed?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2018 22:42

Sounds to me like you're a victim of your own ego and insecurities. Your behaviour is very immature and will most certainly backfire in spectacular fashion. If you want to lose everything you have, then by all means keep seeking the approval of strangers who don't even give a fuck about you. And by the way, you didn't "miss out" on anything. Seems to me you already have what most only dream of.

lowtide · 17/09/2018 22:42

You feel this way because it’s all about you.
It’s as simple as that

findingmywaytoday · 17/09/2018 22:46

Hate to sound harsh but I doubt your partner thinks she has it all and would t change anything in an ideal world... are you sharing things equally at home and re childcare? If not that maybe your partner is tired and wants to chill out watching tv?

Re you wanting to understand why you feel the way you do perhaps try counselling?Again, would you be happy if your partner flirted/chatted up other men when out and nearly had flings?

Branleuse · 17/09/2018 22:50

Does she get to go out flirting with boys much?

Unicornandbows · 17/09/2018 23:02

Hey I sort of get where you are coming from but I think chatting up girls isn't what's lacking. Like you said before you do the same thing day in day out and you are stuck in a rut. I think you need to either go on holidays and do experience days with your partner. Maybe change jobs or find a more fulfilling hobby.

Original poster
Unspoken · 17/09/2018 23:03

Thanks for reply’s! Appreciate them even if they are negative as I think I need a reality check.

Yeah I wouldn’t like if she was doing this 100%. And yeah it isn’t right I’m feeling this way. No she doesn’t do this to my knowledge anyway!

Defiantly don’t think “it’s all about me”. I go out and provide for my family 6 days a week and rarely get a night out and has been this way for 8 years.. I do a lot of the child care during the week and weekends so it’s not just a one way street...

OP posts:
Oddcat · 17/09/2018 23:06

chat up chicks Hmm I take it you mean women ?

butterfly56 · 17/09/2018 23:08

Basically you cannot have it all.
You need to think what your priorities are.
Your family or yourself.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2018 23:12

Bedroom time ?

Chicks

Are we in a 1970's sitcom ? Get away with ya.

butterfly56 · 17/09/2018 23:21

In less than 10years time your DS will be off doing his own thing probably.
I had my DC's young so by my mid 30's I was having a great time socially and career wise.
I would say that my 30's and 40's were the best years and just got to do loads of things I never thought would happen. e.g travelling to the USA every year as family member moved out there.

Amazing nights out with friends to all nighters!!
So what I'm saying is you've got a few years then you and your DP can be off have a rare old time of it!!! Grin

Time40 · 17/09/2018 23:28

I think the pp is right. It sounds like something is lacking in your life. You think it's other girls, but it's most probably not. You sound as though you're in a rut, and I'm sure it would help a lot to add some excitement to your life in safe ways that don't threaten your relationship. Maybe you need to think about a change of career, or finding a new spare-time interest.

vikingwoman · 18/09/2018 00:39

I think it's a completely normal response. Not sure why you are getting some harsh replies tbh. Not that many 27 year olds in a long-term relationship committed to providing and caring for his family. I commend you for that. Agree with pp that maybe you need to plan a holiday or something to break the monotony. I'll bet you have mates envious of what you have. And children grow up so fast... it won't be long before you and your partner will have flexibility to do more of the things you want.

lindalee3 · 18/09/2018 00:59

This sounds sooooooooo familiar.

Have you posted it on other forums @Unspoken (Many times........) ?

SwordToFlamethrower · 18/09/2018 01:28

Go on holiday. Surprise your DP with a romantic weekend getaway. She can scratch your itch. Maybe she is bored too.

Also it's "women" not "girls". When you said that, I instantly thought of primary school children.

This is 2018. Female humans over the age of 18 are called women.

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/09/2018 02:06

Goodness me. When you say feel you 'missed out' on your twenties all you really mean is you didn't shag around as much as you feel you could have and regret it, and now seem to want to have your cake and eat it. I am not sure why we would commend a 27 year old for holding down a job and a relationship, when he's off debating cheating whenever he goes out. 27 is most certainly a very adult age, we are not talking 17 here.

So you should provide for your family, that you chose to have, just like everyone else does, so you should provide childcare for your child.
It seems as though you get out more than enough if you keep getting yourself into this situation and feel that one day it might escalate.

You are dissolving yourself of responsibility by saying you are 'scared it will go further' - if that happens it will be because you chose to do it, and made it happen. You are perfectly at liberty to stop yourself.

Nobody here knows why you are doing this or why you feel how you feel. Obviously you are not 100% committed or happy or you wouldn't be risking it by looking elsewhere, or by saying you wish you were off doing other things, or asking strangers on the internet.

I suggest you do the only sensible thing, discuss it with your partner, be honest, go to counselling if you want to stay together. Please don't call women chicks.

Kennycalmit · 18/09/2018 02:18

I actually think you’ve been given a hard time on here OP

Okay it’s not great you feel the need to chat up other women and flirt etc but I see it as a ‘positive’ thing that you recognise that the fact you do that must mean something. I’d much rather see you come on here wanting advice and asking why you behave like that, instead of you coming on here confessing that you’ve slept with lots of women simply because you can!

The fact your a man plays a huge part in the replies you receive aswell.

I agree that your partner probably wishes her life was more exciting aswell. Maybe there’s a reason why all she wants to do is watch tv and stay in? Does she suffer depression or anxiety? How’s her self esteem?

Do you both do things together? Time away just you and her even if it’s just for the evening?

If you’re bored you need to create excitement but you can still do that with your partner! Have days out together, try new things etc.

I honestly think a long chat and better communication with her would help. I don’t think confessing that you flirt with other women would help, but speak to her. Tell her you’re both still so young and feel like you’re missing some excitement but want to get it back with her.

Perhaps avoid nights out or situations where you’re tempted to flirt/chat up with other women. Put the energy and effort into making your relationship more fun. See her as your best friend and partner instead of just your mum

I can’t imagine she feels that excited either if all she wants to do is watch tv

Khaleesi78 · 18/09/2018 02:37

You sound like my ex... who's a lying cheating scummy bastard 😡

Think carefully before throwing your life away.