What’s wrong with me?!

[Unspoken]

Hi,

I’m a 27 year old man. I have been with my current partner for 8 years coming on 9 years. She is beautiful and I would say out of my league looks wise.

We met young and we have a son aged 8. He’s my pride and joy. Wouldn’t change him for the world.

But... I still seem to crave attention from girls if I go out. I’ve never cheated on my partner but I feel I’ve been on the verge of it in some cases and don’t understand why I want to do this... I love my current partner and think she is great and I would never want to hurt her. I sometimes feel that we are on different pages in life as I see my friends loving life and I’m slaving away doing the same thing say in day out and she just wants to sit in the house and watch tv.

I feel that I missed out on experiencing life in my 20s as I had to work to provide and not do what I intended on doing such as travelling and meeting girls etc. People keep telling me life is far to short to be unhappy.

Am I wrong for wanting to flirt and chat? Does this mean I’m unhappy with my life or relationship? I’m scared that one day it’s going to go further and ruin our lives completely. I also feel that my life would be awful without my partner and my son.

Thanks

It's normal to wonder if the grass is greener, you saw your friends go out, travel and have fun in their 20s and you missed doing that because you started a family. You really need to think about whether you want to give up what you have now, to attempt to relive that time. It won't be what you assume it will be. Do you want to be the older guy hitting on the younger girls at the pub? Do you want to put your child through a split? Do you know any divorced dad's you can talk to about what it's like? People often feel like life becomes groundhog day, I suggest you travel on your own. Not a drinking fun in the sun holiday, something you have to train for, something that's a challenge like the Kokoda trail. Challenge yourself, give yourself something to focus on, don't get bored by life. Too many men in your situation decide to give up family life to sleep around, and end up being miserable, but by the time they realise it's too late to go back. Their partner has moved on, and another man gets to live with your family. Good luck.

Well this is what happens when you settle down and have kids. Life is pretty much the same, day in day out.

Maybe you need more fun in the relationship or maybe you need to recognise what you have is pretty amazing and learn to recognise the happiness and fun there.

Your friends are having fun. But there isn't one type of fun. I can promise theirs lives aren't always fun. 100%

In 10 years time your DC will be 18 and look after himself then you and your partner can get the rucksacks on and go where ever you like. Whilst your single friends will be doing what your doing now.
Being young parents does have it's advantages as well.

Way too harsh with all these responses.

Have you told your partner how you feel? Communicated this is how you have been feeling? I think that’s your first go to point. I’ve occasionally felt like this in past my relationships at times, but it was always just a phase. Tell her, try and resolve it between you what you are missing, and if not, get some counselling and figure it out with a professional. You can’t possibly plough through life feeling as though something is missing you will eventually end up unhappy and resentful.

And of course, in the meantime, don’t cheat and ruin her and your kids life.

You're 27 - still fairly young. Took me til well into my 30s to sort my head out. Sounds like you are seeking validation and ego boost but it's unhealthy to look to other people to get this. I would recommend therapy - it's not only for people with mental illness (I have anxiety but had therapy mainly to address difficulties in interpersonal relationships). Obvs therapy can be expensive and you may not be able to afford that...anyone on here recommend any self help resources? Sounds like you care about your relationship and want to address this issue. Hope it works out.

Bedroom time.. c'mon people.

Also, re the travelling, when your son is 18 you will be 37, still so young! You and your partner can go off travelling then. Becoming a parent is not the end of having a fun life.

And you need to speak to your partner about how you'd like the two of you to enjoy your time together, if you're not happy with staying in and watching tv. Maybe she would actually prefer to do something else but you won't find out unless you discuss it.

Way too harsh ?

Nah, way too naive

You hit the nail on the head when you said

She just wants to watch TV.

If you love like you say you do then find out why she's stuck in TV mode. Is she working, raising a child and keeping house and just tired. Does she need to feel excited about life again. Find out what the reason is...lift her spirits. Find common ground.

Your there to help each other out of ruts. So coax her, help her, love her, support her, find common ground, talk to her. This needs to be you that does this as she's not aware how much of an issue it is

If all your wanting to do is go out and get pissed with your mates and feel desired by the opposite sex then I'd say what your craving is for that attention from your partner.

If you walk away....she'll be kicked out of her rut and move on, living life to the full without a look back. You may realise you've stuffed up and that actually to have that connection with her again.

Think carefully.....this is a common issue I've seen over and over again from both men and women. I could write the script

i think you need to decide what you want and stick to it.

If you want to be in a relationship with your partner and child, then fucking well man up and give it your all. Work on your relationship with her. I bet shes not exactly finding life a laugh a minute either.

If actually she isnt interesting you anymore, then set her free. You said shes out of your league a bit anyway, so im sure she wouldnt find much problem having some fun or even finding someone else to settle down with. You could then go and have your freedom. Im sure it would be super fulfilling for you
Maybe shes not as interested because she is so attractive, she doesnt feel the need to prove her fuckability to randomers in clubs like less attractive people do? I mean fucking hell, its hardly difficult to pull people in a nightclub where everyones drunk.

Decide what you want, but its really dickish to act like a single guy in a club when youve got a woman at home taking care of your child while you do it. Its such a cliché too

But is this a normal thing? Does all guys do this?

Eh, why would you possibly ask a bunch of predominantly women on MUMSNET.

The clue there is in thr title,

Any numpty can pick someone up for a no-strings ONS. It takes hard work and commitment to sustain a healthy long-term relationship and raise a family in a loving home. If your ego is twitching, ask yourself what you want to be proud of yourself for in later life.

You sound like my partner, had kids early27? I sat at home perfectly happy looking after the babies, because I had a family and I HAD too,whilst he went out with his mates. I thought he was happy because he never talked or told me he wasn't. FF 10 years and he has the predictable affair. After the shitsorm and me leaving he decides to talk about everything you have just posted about. Guess what? It's too late and life was happening to me too. My advice if you love her is to see her as an individual, it's her life too, man up and TALK to her.