For women who do not find it easy to form relationships with men

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Don't really know where to put this so please let me know if it would be better off in a different topic.

Anyway, I'm just wondering how some women seem to find it so easy to go from one relationship to the other, always have a stream of interest from men, get chatted up, asked out etc. This literally never happens to me. Obviously it has happened to me in the past - have had a LTR and kids - but am single again now and I can't imagine being in a new relationship. Doesn't help that I don't meet many men to start with (line of work is female dominated) but even if I do, there just isn't any interest there from either party and I am questioning why.

What is it about people who attract others easily? Are we fundamentally different? Am I just boring? Frumpy? Unattractive? Or am I not giving off the ask me out vibes? I can't help it if I just don't find many people attractive, or can I? How do I widen my chances of finding someone I like and who likes me (please don't say OLD!).

For a long time I've thought I've been single because of the way my life is at the moment: I have young kids, don't meet many men anyway, and don't have much time for socialising. However I have met other women in a similar boat to me who have new partners since splitting with their ex, even with kids and even with a busy life. I don't understand how it happens for them and not me.

Anyway this isn't a thread about me wanting to find a significant other - I am just curious to know how some people find it so easy, and often seemingly effortless.

I know how you feel, it's the same for me. Been divorced over a year now, grown up children. I'm not a hermit but I never seem to meet anyone and I don't want to do OLD. Sorry that's not much help but wanted you to know you're not the only one!

I honestly think it's to do with mindset. Not necessarily being positive/negative (although that has a lot to do with it) but just that some people are more "relationshippy" than others and are more willing to enter into relationships. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on their reasons, but some people are just more receptive to it than others and therefore cast a wider net.

All those songs about being ready for love are on to something.

Same for me but the man version.

Single a while now, had a few OLD dates but nothing lasting, don't meet.women in a day to day way, those I do I don't want to ask out etc.

I kinda think it'll happen if it is supposed too.. maybe?
I could head to a pub or club and try to chat to someone, but thays all a bit cringey to me. Approaching women that robably don't want to be approached..

Hobbies I guess you could try and see if anyone there shares your interest. But then its awkward because it means if you don't get on I'd feel awkward carrying onngoin to the hobby..

So off to the Abbey and pick some fetching grey and brown robes.. lol.

If you can't imagine yourself in a relationship then you'll absolutely be giving out those vibes... other women may not be as discerning as you or just more open to flirtation etc for its own sake...which can lead to dates etc so yes I think if being in a relationship doesn't feel on your horizon, you're probably subconsciously projecting your 'off the marketness' and men are responding accordingly (ie not responding)

Phew, some replies, was beginning to think it was just me, haha.

The thing is even though I can't imagine a new relationship, it doesn't mean I don't want one, but I guess being ready or not is a different matter.

Klutzy: I'm the same, if anyone does try to chat to me in a pub etc (not that it happens)), I'm cringing inside, but I've always been that way, even before I met ex. It's just so forced and unnatural.

I have short flings, one night stands etc. I'm in it for the sex at the end of the day, and I do not want a long-term relationship. I am seeing someone at the moment but it won't last. I like having him around, and seeing him when I want. I did have ltr and I have come to the conclusion that these are not for me.

It's about how I present myself. I'm confident and I love to flirt. I do it without realising. This grabs attention. Then it's about body language. I also don't wait for them to contact me if I see a guy a like I will approach.

I'm very honest about what I want. Because I am relaxed and not desperate it comes across. I meet guys in various places, including supermarkets, public transport and old. The guy I am seeing at the moment I met on a hookup app.

Don't discount OLD. Yes there are a lot of assholes, time wasters and those looking for casual stuff. But believe it or not, there are also those that are wanting relationships.

I think some of the bad rep OLD has, is expectations differ. I've faced it myself that I have been called a time waster and more. They are in it for a relationship aren't happy because nothing develops. Of course, it doesn't because even if I was in it for a relationship, there are other parts to them that I am not attracted to.

I read posts on here because after a couple of dates he backs off and she is already planning their future lol, that he was a user or whatever. When reality, he gave it a chance and not interested.

I think some people find socialising with both genders easier than others.

If you cringe when someone chats to you they will pick up on your vibes.

I hear you.
Single for 11 years now.

I think im good company, secure in myself, attractive, funny.

There is nothing wrong with me. But the only men who"ve been seriously interested in me have been unemployed(but not collecting benefits, which is worse) wi5h a tooth missing, or a sexist but funny man who tells me i think too much.
I have a job and kids and friends and hobbies. I go on a pof date occasionally but i havent time to date an endless string of men when it never goes anywhere.

It mystifies me how easy it is for some women.

Ps and OP, ive joined a few groups on fb or whatsapp of single (mums) and it great fun swapping stories to begin with but all the others meet somebody and the group dies a death! Twice now!

Jung, you've just reminded me of the only men who do show any interest - haha! Of the few I can think of, they've all been 70+ (not being ageist but no thanks) and not remotely attractive.
That is (sadly) funny about the singles groups not lasting long! I'd be the only single in the singles group, me.

Simply smile at people.

Gee thanks for that noego, I've been smiling at people all day and have lined up a week's worth of dates. Not.

I smile a lot. I'm not unhappy. I'm single. I'm probably happier than average so it's not my unhappiness that prevents connection.

Although in serious, noego's comment does highlight precisely how naturally relationships seem to fall in to the laps of some; to the point where they believe that it would happen if............ we smiled. It's interesting really, it comes so naturally to some people that they cannot really comprehend that there is no formula to attract a man you can be attracted to.

The great majority of men aren't going to go up to women they don't know and try flirting and asking them out. If she's very good looking and, lets face it, young she may attract a disproportionate number of those rare men who do, but such men are likely to be creepy or slimy PUA types.

If you want to find blokes that aren't workmates you have to socialize around single blokes, and then learn to be charming and a bit funny and a little bit flirty. Those women are have no trouble finding new blokes would be natural extroverts who manage this without even trying.

I am genuinely interested in other people. I want to know what makes them tick, I observe and ask questions that show this interest sincerely. I also feel love and affection for people quite easily, and I show it, without it being a clingy thing. I just really like people and have sympathy for them etc. Without wanting anything in return.

I am also quite bold in that I say no as well as yes fairly emphatically. I ask for sex to occur, I ask for what I like in bed - without even being particularly salacious about it. I am inquisitive about what folk look like naked, I get very curious about how they will kiss, etc. I think people find this appealing.

I think the summary version is, people feel like they are an interesting version of themselves when they are with me. Because I am genuinely and without expectations truly interested in people of all kinds. So they hang around me. Then they get attached I've tried to have ONS before and typically end up in a LRT no matter what.

Not sure that helps but that's my perception.

Some people are just constantly monogamous (my former housemate was one, he's a guy). The thing with that is that he would find himself in long term relationship after long term relationship and eventually just get out of it because he wasn't happy, and then into the other

Some people don't want to be alone. I think my ex is one, we broke up and he lined up a new girlfriend right away.

I need time to process, to heal, be by myself and work on me.

I don't think it's healthy to be in relationships without gaps and on and on. I want to be with someone I really see myself being with for a while.

Sex is easy to line up. A lot of men just want that.

I've had some fun and less good times through online dating, but I put myself out there at least. I think I really had a yen for a relationship which put some off but now that I finished that, I'm just keen to be alone.

I don't think it's about not being friendly or whatever. People who rush headlong into relationships aren't usually thinking too much. If you are a thinker, then obviously it won't be happening for you

I’m like you. Have had LTRs - four of them over the last twenty years but now single.

my sis who’s been married for ever) says I give off a too busy vibe.
But I go to work (normal) and I do one martial arts class (good for meeting people?)
I put it down to having a primary age child but, as you say, others manage.
Someone else said it’s because I’m too happy , that I imply I don’t need more than I have.
So on their advice, I should hang around the town looking lonely, sad and bored

I think some people have the knack of making another person feel like a new glittery version of their old self. One of my friends can do this. But men get “addicted” to her and then follow her around like kicked puppies after the relationship ends. She’s single because she can’t find a man who doesn’t change as soon as they are dating.

I smile and laugh a lot and probably am good at flirting. I used to be massively self conscious but I’ve let go of some of that.... try the whole self love thing, tell yourself how lovely you look, try to feel good and then it will show to the other person. I am not from one relationship to another but I don’t feel that I wouldn’t be able to find one/sex if I really tried, not that no one wants me

I think it can be a vibe. If I was dating/met a guy who didn’t think much of himself I think I would be able to tell.

I think that as you become more confident, learn to be alone, start living consciously and responsibly - there are even fewer men left who'd make a good partner. Obviously loving yourself is a better place to be in than being mired in self doubt. I have been on many dates where I noticed quickly ''this man does not have a healthy self-esteem'' or ''I cannot fix this man'' or ''this man is either extremely charismatic or very depressed and I see that that is nothing to do with me''.

@seniorschoolmum, maybe you do but I think women who have been married forever need to believe that it is something you're doing wrong. People need to believe that if they had to start all over again, they could. They don't like to think that a grounded, secure, fulfilled, content woman could end up single for decades. People cannot cope with that idea so they say you're too fussy you're too desperate you're looking too hard you're not looking hard enough

yes, agree, anybody could line up casual sex. There's no magic formula needed there. Even at my advanced age I could get that.

yes, agree, anybody could line up casual sex.

Disagree.. kinda..
I'd say, any woman can line up casual sex easily. It's much harder for most men.

Oh yeh guess so but coming at this from perspective of a single woman. Somebody posted that she could easily get ONS 🙄
It is not a measure of any skill required to form and keep a relationship that is worth having.

It depends on a lot of things I suppose but the one thing I have noticed about the two friends of mine who are never short of male attention (even when married) are major flirts. They hold men's gaze they flutter their eyes, they giggle when a door is help iron, they call security guards sweetie, they ask men to do thing they are capable of doing themselves. They use phrases like 'big strong man'. They touch men on the arm. They smile constantly. It often gets them attention they have to back out of.

I wouldn't want to be that in any way but occasionally I have tried to use some of their tactics and i have noticed that it make people take more interest in me. But I hate it. I'm married so have no interest in other men and even if I weren't I wouldn't want to have to pretend to be a useless sap for men to be interested.

I could easily get a ONS I believe. But I don’t want to and don’t. I don’t think it’s worthy of rolly eyes it can feel judgemental. Like you said it doesn’t actually mean anything in the grand scheme of things but I’m being honest, not big headed. It purely depends on what someone wants. If they want a ONS then that’s their choice. Some people equate sex with love and need it to feel wanted and whole. Some people do it because it’s fun. If someone has the self confidence to go and find a sex partner (and be able to enjoy it without getting over invested and hurt) then I don’t judge them on it

I am an independent successful woman and I am worthy and deserve to be treated nicely. When I didn’t think that about myself I got treated badly by men. Now I am more selective about who I let into my life and no one is treating me badly.

It is in part a confidence thing. Sometimes I have wobbles of confidence as I am sure we all do but overall I believe in myself and my worth isn’t tied to someone else. I don’t need another person to value me to feel good.

Some people have a much easier time of dating and relationships than others for a multitude of reasons. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea - I’ve got children and a size 16, some men wouldn’t fancy me. I don’t find it difficult to talk to people (my job has evolved this skill), I’m friendly and smiley. Some people might not like these and see them as flaws!

All I am trying to say is like yourself no matter what your relationship status says, as this goes a long way in connecting with other people