Annulment

[thereareflowersinmygarden]

Is there an easy way to get one? I've been married a week and have changed my mind, basically.

None of the grounds on the government website fit. Basically the wedding itself highlighted some things I don't like about our relationship.

Slightly annoyed that I appear to be locked into this marriage for a year at least.

Been together eight years and have a child together. It's very sad, but there you have it.

@yellowspottedwellies

How did you do that? I know it's 'just' a case of saying & doing it but I feel trapped (one year after getting married).

How did everyone (family, friends, relatives, colleagues) react?

This is getting me so down that I've had some pretty dark thoughts (despite being a stable person).

Penny for them

Isitovernow, you don't need the validation of other people to make the decision.

If you yourself feel miserable, trapped, and have been having dark thoughts, then nobody else's experience matters one tiny little bit.

Nor does the possible reaction of friends or relatives or the postman or your next door neighbour's great uncle Rodney.

If the answer to the question: 'Is this situation I am in causing me great unhappiness?' is 'Yes', then you owe it to yourself to free yourself from it and to move on.

You don't owe anyone else anything.

@Isitovernow

I was truly blessed by supportive family - who unbeknownst to me, didn't like him either.

There is no sugar coating it though, it felt awful. His family hated me.

I moved back to my parents - they were so amazingly kind. I left with nothing, not a penny. They supported me 100% - My dad even paid for the divorce.

Honestly, I know how lucky I am - they are like super heroes in my eyes.

@mathanxiety exactly this !

You have to put yourself first @Isitovernow

YOU deserve happiness

Thanks

Isitovernow, you are a whole unique person with a journey all your own to forge through this life, for yourself.

You can leave situations and people who are dragging you down. You can march onwards, heal, and choose new emotional and physical surroundings. You can choose to see yourself in a different light and to honour what you yourself want to develop in yourself. Nobody has the right to limit you. Don't let them do that - monitor your self talk and ask yourself how you are holding yourself back. Try to look at the horizon more, and not at what you are surrounded by right now.

You are not a blank screen onto which other people can project whatever they want to about you, and you don't have to meekly accept their projections.

@mathanxiety

Thank you very much for that. Some of what you wrote really resonated with me, especially:

. You can march onwards, heal, and choose new emotional and physical surroundings.

and

Try to look at the horizon more, and not at what you are surrounded by right now.
I've been so focused on my bubble of experience that I haven't seen the possibilities that leaving or even just hoping could bring.

You are not a blank screen onto which other people can project whatever they want to about you

This is so very true. My husband got angry at me once for not socialising more with the women at a wedding who were sitting down in a corner. I had nothing in common with the women there while I knew some of the guys who were by the bar, so I had some great fun and conversations with the guys I knew. I also spent the vast majority of the night dancing with my husband. I remember feeling so yuck, as though I wasn't the kind of woman he wanted me to be. I had had a good night and he ruined it with his expectations of who I should be or how I should behave.

• Try not to worry about the reactions of others to any news that you are separating from your H - people have very short attention spans and your news will be old fast. You can tell people that you and your H were not compatible and you decided to split rather than stay together and make each other miserable (or some other undramatic story). People may tut for a while but they will get used to the new state of affairs quickly.

Thanks ... hopefully once I do it, we can keep it quiet for as long as possible.

I would advise against that.

You will have to do it some time, and it will become more difficult to do the more time elapses. It will hang over you and cause you stress just as your marriage is causing you stress. Then you will also find yourself trying to explain why you hid it.

Grasp the nettle.

If you find the prospect of being 'out' (so to speak) frightening or if it causes you anxiety, I would advise you to seek counseling to get to the bottom of that, and to enlist the support of the counselor as you get stuck into the process of divorce and try being your authentic self to family and friends.

Thanks ... that's a good point. I've been seeing a counsellor & even though it's expensive, I suppose I should stick to a fortnightly session for as long as needed.