Why would DH’s newish friend blush at meeting me?

[lonelyplanetmum]

Not a major one ( hopefully it’s very minor) but was it odd this school Mum blushed at me in the Tesco queue!?

DH now 53 has a bit of a track record. To cut a very long story short in the past he had repeated clandestine meetings with an ex whilst on business trips to Sydney and lied about it. That seems to have been behind us for quite a while but he has shown me he is capable of deceit.

He is very into cycling. He recently joined a group of about 20 Dads and 5 Mums at our DCs school on a big sponsored cycle ride. Since then he has continued cycling on Saturdays and Sundays with a Mum from the group. He has said things like a ‘person’ from the cycle group is coming out today. Because he used a gender neutral term I was on notice and observed it was nearly always one of the Mums (‘K’). Sometimes it’s just her and DH -sometimes one of his other cycling mates from his work joins them.

K’s children are younger and we’d never met. Today she was behind me in the Tesco queue. I said “ Hello you’re K aren’t you ?We’ve never met, I’m DHs wife.”

She blushed crimson -absolutely scarlet and confirmed that she was K.It was fine, she said I must have wondered who this strange woman he was going cycling was . I said I was used to his slightly obsessive hobbies, and we then chatted in the queue about their cycle trips, our DCs the school etc.
However why did she blush so much? Is that normal? She's got a senior Job and seems quite confident otherwise. I'm being hyper vigilant aren't I?

Some people just do blush, especially if something unexpected happens. It’s worse if it’s someone you don’t know as then the embarrassment about a slight blush turns it into a big blush.

I can be a terrible one for blushing sometimes, even when things seem fairly innocuous. Oddly enough not in a work setting as it's a "role" I can play and come across as pretty self assured and calm - but socially I can be cripplingly self conscious.

You just caught her by surprise, some people including myself would get flustered by that.

Ok that's interesting. Perhaps she does it when meeting anyone. I'll try and chill!

I'm a blusher Op. It's awful but I can't control it. I'm fairly confident myself but still (even with people I know well) can suddenly flare!
The problem is for us blushers is that the more you think about it the worse it gets.

Did she have a packet of thrush cream or hemorrhoid ointment or some sanpro in her trolley? I've been greeted in this situation before and have sincerely wished the floor would swallow me up!

I'm a blusher too. I'm a bit socially awkward and if i'm caught off guard I can blush bright red.

I sometimes blush when caught unawares, especially socially

I wouldn't trust your husband with a barge pole, though, OP.

My DH used to play badminton at a club and he used to pick up a female workmate as he passed her house on the way. I know the woman from work events. She was single, plain and overweight and never suspected anything untoward at all.

I hadn't seen her for a few years (I kind of dropped out of social circles when I had a family) but went to a works dinner. She wasn't expecting me to be there - obviously. She blushed and looked very uncomfortable.

Now I know that they played badminton through other club members but her reaction definitely upset me and planted an unsettling seed. I don't believe that DH was interested in her that way as he usually glazes over at young scrawny blondes.

He offered up no reasons why she behaved like that and I have no idea why she looked so uncomfortable. Guess some situations just make folk react that way?

I’m a terrible blusher but usually only when there’s reason... unless she was doing/buying something embarrassing I would also be suspicious.

It doesn’t necessarily mean they are having an affair, it could be she fancies him.

I disagree. Did she seem uncomfortable at all apart from the blushing. I remember once meeting the ow before I knew she was, exact same reaction, you need to dig further OP. Especially considering your dh's track record

I am a blusher, and it can happen from nowhere! I wouldn't take that as a sign really.

Thank you for all the experienced replies. I didn't notice what she was buying I assumed ( like me) she'd dived in for after school snacks.

I'd say she seemed slightly uncomfortable.As luck would have it we then bumped into each other again 10 mins later outside the school entrance but only very briefly and had a very brief conversation about which teachers her DC had. I'd say she was slightly uncomfortable but no blushing that time.

Now we've met I guess we will have more chats at school although I think she only picks up on Fridays. I can see if the cycling trips reduce at all now I've introduced myself.

I don't think there's an affair but pondered about an attraction, especially as there were 20 potential school Dads to continue the cycling with...

I blush at random. Mostly when I am flustered (as I would be of a stranger picked me out of a shopping que).

Could she have recognised you also? If so, she may have just felt a little awkward that she hadn't said hello first, and possibly conscious that not everyone would be comfortable with their DH going spending one to one time with another women (not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with their cycling together). That said, I'm a big believer in gut instinct... so if it seemed a little odd, maybe there is more to it. It will be interesting to see how she reacts if you see her again

I doubt she would have recognised me, as I knew which one she was from the school newsletter sponsorship etc pictures.

Hmm yes I think she was possibly conscious that not everyone would be comfortable with their DH spending one to one time with another women.

My gut instinct is that he generally has a little sort of frisson around female friendships. In a way he almost thinks it naughtier than it is. I'll see how they both react now. I should see her again at school if she does pick up.

The speed and wisdom of MN is fab.

Being married to this man sounds shit. How do you do it ? More importantly, why. You obviously do not trust him one inch. Instead of giving his behaviour the examination it deserves, you are reading all sorts into some random woman's reaction to you.

You have it arse ways about.

Honestly OP, blusher or not, with his track record I’d be very suspicious. He sounds like a terrible flirt even if doesn’t act on it. I really wouldn’t trust him, sorry OP.

I blush horrendously when someone unexpectedly speaks to me.... it's a curse 😔

I'm going to be the lone voice saying ...........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I think your gut is telling you to keep your wits about you.

Rosacea here, can turn scarlet very quickly when stressed or surprised.

However...I would probably be seen as controlling as I police/protect my lovely DH with a passion. If I was worried, I'd be proactive.

Actually Op I would say ignore the blushing (blusher here) because it's not a reliable account that something is going on with your husband. BUT you know your husband look for signs from him.

I’d say she possibly knew exactly who you were (maybe looked up your H on Facebook and saw your photo) so recognized you, but might not have expected to be spoken to. If your H is the common link between you, she might have felt awkward introducing herself first.