My friends keep ditching me - what could be wrong with me?

[AlpineButterfly]

I'm pretty good at making friends, I think. But just wondering if the collective wisdom of MN might be able to work out why the hell I can't seem to maintain friendships.

How do you maintain friendships?

I message, check in on people, genuinely care about their lives...

I think I might need to find 'my people'. But where could they be?

I don't know what to say about myself to help you guys analyse my question but am opening myself up anyway.

Please help

OP. Mums are incredibly fickle and I’m pretty sure it’s bourne of insecurity as most of us are winging it!

I used to think the NCT mums were really like a bunch of primary kids for the bitching!

Kids are a good leveller but really, some people it’s how we meet ‘em and all we have in common.

Throw in the hormones of a collective, then the % hiding PND, the % who are anxious, no proper sleep for anyone - it makes for some weird coffee mornings. Don’t start me on the sahm or wm differences!

When it comes to the simplest of things - other parents like to criticise and think you should be doing just what they are. Or we think we should be doing what everyone else is!

I bet you’re bloody great. When the kids are older, you’ll find your true crew. For now, accept it’s a bit of a revolving door...

It depends what you want from a friend yourself ? Personally I'm not demanding which also means I'm not very good at keeping in touch. Some people like this and some don't because they are never off fb, twitter etc. I don't have social media:)

Perhaps you could downgrade your desire to making acquaintances instead, which takes pressure off you and slowly build friendships? I couldn't see someone once a week, that would be too much for me.

I'm very friendly and chatty though. Just no time for organised chatting iyswim. Plus my life is a fucking epic horror film of disasters which I have no intention of sharing because it would feel as if I was the entertainment.

Some really interesting points, thankyou. I think I like company too much!!

I'm not naturally a very anxious person and don't like to complain about my toddler in front of him so think I come across as if I've got my shit together. I mostly get pity from acquaintances about my life which is a little. But obviously having a 12m age gap, no family support, no childcare, DH working ft and studying PT and me working evenings, it's not exactly a walk in the park

Could you ask your close friend and DH for an honest appraisal? It's hard to say as we don't know you. I do empathise though, I find it hard to, but I think it's more that people are so knackered that friendships at this stage of life get left neglected.