To tell his wife?

[flavouredtea]

Last weekend I went on a work night out my department which is a relatively small team compared to the whole company.

Quite a lot of drinks were had, and one of the men who I work quite closely with and get on well with was quite flirty, bordering inappropriate. Absolutely nothing happened though and I would not have let it. I am going to be honest (and expect to be told off by you lot), I probably was flirting back, but when he got a bit heavier I backed off. I do think potentially he would have kissed me if I had let it continue.

The difficulty is I do know his wife because she works in the same company (but a different department) so I don't know her particularly well but have met and chatted to her a few times.

I wasn't going to say anything at all but as the week has gone on I feel incredibly awkward about it. Do you think I should tell his wife about his inappropriateness? I can't help but think if my husband was behaving like that on a night out I would want to know!

Nope. Keep your nose out and next time don't flirt back.

I wouldn’t because nothing really happened and it would just sound weirder and weirder as you said it out loud. Stay away from him at future parties and forget it.

No definitely not

It doesn’t sound like any lines were crossed. I wouldn’t cause the upset for that. I’d just give him a wide berth in future.

No. Tbh you were behaved as poorly as him as you yourself admit you flirted back initially. I would leave well alone and if you find yourself in a social situation with him or any other male again where this scenario plays out, shut it down straightaway. Then if they persist you can tell relevant parties with a clear conscience.

No, would look like you're after a bit of drama if nothing happened. So you'd be making mountains out of molehills

Are you planning to tell her you flirted too? You only THINK it might have gone further if you hadn't back off. You only THINK he'd have kissed you. You don't actually know. He might have backed off if you hadn't. Big barrel of monkeys you could open! Not just for him, but yourself.

Lesson here is not to flirt with colleagues for a bit of fun.

What are you going to tell her? Hey I got drunk and flirted with your husband, I feel bad, but he was reciprocating. See ya.

Yeah, that will work.

So you and he had too much to drink and flirted.
You want to go to his wife and tell her what? Oh by the way after a few drinks I think your husband might have missed me and it didn't happen becausr I was virtuous and stopped it?

Keep out of it. Don't drink to much around him and keep your interactions professionally friendly. Otherwise you're looking to create drama

Or were you just thinking of blaming him? Sticking the boot in a bit?

Are you married or in a relationship op?

Perhaps he should tell your husband....

I'm wondering if the op is single or unmarried and thinking of driving a wedge in here,,,,

Hey, cut the OP some slack - she says she "was probably" flirting back when she thought it was light hearted and then pulled back when she realised he was taking it too far. Don't over look the strong socialisation woman have to a) be nice and b) blame themselves for "encouraging it" if men get inappropriate.

OP, I don't think you have grounds to tell his wife - and I think however you framed it, she would here it as "I just need to tell you how much your husband fancies me". Steer clear of him from now on is probably all you can do.

Meh, I would be more generalist and say don't under estimate folks desire to paint themselves in the best possible light.

So I'd assume she was flirting just as much as he was.

But then I hang about mumsnet too much and am very cynical,,🤣

Fuck, no.
Leave
Well
Alone

And not just his wife

Lets hope one of OP's colleagues doesn't meet the wife at the photocopier and says her H was getting on really well with OP the other night!!

Office gossip being what it is.

He flirted with you
You flirted with him

You think he was inappropriate and want to tell his wife. Who is going to tell your husband about your behaviour?

Pot calling kettle?

Honestly I have no idea what’s wrong with people. Why would you be rushing to tell his wife this? Do you think it’s a noble act? Just forget it.... you were both drinking and flirting on a night out. It’s a massive non event.

Hello,
totally expected this to be honest. I did originally think I would obviously not tell her but over the week I have convinced myself I should. God knows why.

No I am not married for those asking, however I also have absolutely no interest in pursuing this man.
Thank you to sendin for the message of support - that is how i see it!

So you flirted back and now you are saying that his behavior was inapropriate!!
Pots and kettles spring to mind.

What exactly would you want to tell her though? Why are you feeling worse about it as the week has gone on? I feel like I’ve missed something.

Yes, I suspected you were single. You've convinced yourself he's into you, wanted to kiss you, and want to tell his wife.

What is it with folks on here thinking there colleagues are fancying them something rotten at the moment. It's like some sort of illness. 🤣🤣🤣

flavouredtea
I think you just need to chalk it up to work drinks and move on. That said, if you've been flirting (however innocent) then there's a chance of a spark being there and in my opinion you should be mindful of that in future interactions with this man. Don't put yourself in situations where the two of you find yourself able to push the boundaries etc.

Do you think I should tell his wife about his inappropriateness?

Sure... providing you tell her about your own inappropriateness too.

Fairs fair.

Or maybe just don't flirt with men you have no interest in. He was an arse, but so we're you.

Put it down to experience and learn from it