To tell his wife?

[flavouredtea]

Last weekend I went on a work night out my department which is a relatively small team compared to the whole company.

Quite a lot of drinks were had, and one of the men who I work quite closely with and get on well with was quite flirty, bordering inappropriate. Absolutely nothing happened though and I would not have let it. I am going to be honest (and expect to be told off by you lot), I probably was flirting back, but when he got a bit heavier I backed off. I do think potentially he would have kissed me if I had let it continue.

The difficulty is I do know his wife because she works in the same company (but a different department) so I don't know her particularly well but have met and chatted to her a few times.

I wasn't going to say anything at all but as the week has gone on I feel incredibly awkward about it. Do you think I should tell his wife about his inappropriateness? I can't help but think if my husband was behaving like that on a night out I would want to know!

Bloody hell Op, come on, really. You flirted, he flirted now he's in the wrong and you're going to tell his wife? Seriously?

Not sure what I would tell her, you're right. I guess that her husband was borderline inappropriate with me. I would have to admit we were both drunk and flirting slightly but he seemed like he wanted it to go further. You're right, even typing this I realise it would be ridiculous to tell her.

But he definitely was more inappropriate than I was. I was just engaging in light banter/flirtation whereas he was really suggestive. If I had been fully participating back I obviously wouldn't be questioning whether to tell his wife!

Oh then that's ok then if he was more inappropriate than you. You're quite right, go tell her, how you flirted with her husband but felt he was flirting more than you.

I'm sure his version will validate you.

Ugh, this sounds like someone at my place of work. His wife is v nice. He is not.

Good God . Leave them both alone. 🐰 boiler.

Have you tried on line dating op? Joining a club? Something to stop you obsessing and maybe get you out more?

This is so weird op. you have nothing to tell her. Don't embarrass yourself.

Just imagine the atmosphere in your place of work afterwards..... it will be vile.

God you sound like a potential bunny boiler

As bluntness said, what is it with these obsessive single women assuming every male colleague wants them?

Get a grip.

And no DON'T tell his fucking wife!

What's the real story here op?

No one wants to tell the wife for a good reason. It's generally revenge, jealousy, a desire to inflict pain. There is nothing altruistic in your post, you want to blame him, and I'm assuming you're not an idiot so understand the impact this would have in the office, you'd be a pariah, and he would have a very different version of events, but ultimately everyone would think as we do, nothing happened, so why are you getting all up in their marriage.

So what is the real story? Are you jealous of her? Want To tell her her husband fancies you? Or is what happened slightly different to what you've told us? He was the one who pulled back, you feel rejected and want to inflict some pain in revenge? You're clearly annoyed with him, and I doubt that's because you feel it's inappropriate to flirt with you, because by your own admission, you were flirting with him.

Do you think people are talking about you? So want to absolve yourself of blame? Get your story in first before the wife accuses you?

Something is driving you....

I think the op is taking an unfair bashing here .

Op you’ve advised the reasons why you were considering mentioning something to the wife , you wrote : as I can't help but think if my husband was behaving like that on a night out I would want to know!

Coming from someone who has been cheated on in the past I would want to know if my husband was behaving letchy/flirtatious with a single woman and would consider that as a decent heads up. I think that you’re trying to do the right thing .

As you can see from this thread though , a lot of women like to shove their head in the sand and turn the tables around to try and put your motives under the microscope, say you should start dating , trying to imply you’re some sad unhinged woman basically with a score to settle. I see it for what it is, a woman trying to figure out what the right thing is to do.

I think you should really think about what this would do for your career though as chances are it will have implications for you, also if he’s like this with someone he really doesn’t know too well (you) , chances are he has been like it with lots more and the truth will prevail eventually.

Don't speak to her. You were both drunk and flirty. It happens. Nothing happened between you so nothing to be gained from telling his wife. You will just come over as unhinged.