Affairs, are they ever ok?

[Sungem74]

Just wondering the general opinion on if an affair between work colleagues that is purely sexual is ok. 1 is married 1 is single.

No affair is ever okay

No

No.

Absolutely not.

Finish one relationship before you embark on another.

How the fuck will the answer to this EVER be yes?!

Yeah - totally ok if you are the one doing the exciting "extra marital" shagging .

• couldn't recommend highly enough.

Meanwhile back in the real world...... NO

Hell no.

Why are you asking? Are you one of these people?

Of course not

No. Never ok.

Just sex? That's ok then

Iv said this before and il keep saying it .

I'm Not sure monogamy works for some people . But it is a choice ! Can't have your cake and eat it by pretending to someone you will be faithful if you can't . Grow some balls, be single and go against the grain. Or be faithful . The end

When you lie to someone, either directly,by omission, or by implication , you are in effect taking their reality away. They think they are living in a world where someone they trust and has made a commitment to is exclusively with them, and actually that not the reality.
It’s unkind.
If you want no strings sex, donit with someone single.
If you want fewer limits on your relationship talk to your partner about it.they may agree, or they may leave to find someone who is more compatible.

I most certainly am not!
I've discovered the affair and confronted them - both insistent that it's just sex and works for them

It might work for them but does it work for the married persons husband/wife?!

Are you on drugs?

I’m assuming you are the ‘ single’ person in this equation.
Do you think his wife would think it’s ok because it’s ‘ purely sexual’??

It’s purely fucking wrong , selfish, immoral, slaggy, and more wrong. Someone - at least one innocent person - always ends up getting (as a minimum) horrendously hurt. It can destroy lives.

Whichever person you are DONT DO IT.
Have a bit of self respect - he’s wanting to use you for sex . Get over this sad excuse for a man.

I. Want to weep at your OP. I didn’t think there really could be anybody that stupid who could ever think an affair is ‘ ok’.

I’m still struggling emotionally because of the fallout from my dads affairs thirty five years ago. Never mind the fiancé who had a ‘purely sexual ‘ affair just before we were due to marry.

In effect their argument is the wife dosnt know and gets to carry on her 'happy' marriage while he gets everything he needs. There are children so I'm unsure about this all.

Well I think the real issue is not whether or not it’s hard to remain faithful, or whether temptation can get the better of people. The act of infidelity isn’t even the crucial part of cheating. It’s the lies, deception and double standards. Why is it ok for one person in a partnership to break vows and not the other? Just tell the truth, because otherwise your defrauding another person because they trust you.

Just seen your update that it’s not you. Excuse my outrage which needs to be redirected at the people you know. ( fell into the MN trap of people speaking 8n the third party- it’s usually always about themselves!)
If it’s just sex then tell them that you have an urge to tell their partner - see how that works for them.

There really are some cruel people about arntnthey. Why do people do this??

I completely disagree with what they're doing, but I'm torn as to wether telling his wife- and ultimately the rest of the office- is going to be worth her & the children's upset if it is only sex. I wish I didn't know tbh!

It’s not just sex, it’s not just sticking your cock in some cheap woman/ bouncing on some liars cock is it? It’s lying to the partner, that partner trusts them and they are abusing that!

I remember seeing some meme a while back that said “Getting away with cheating doesn’t mean you were cleaver, it means your partner trusted you enough to never doubt you”

Ive only ever heard of one affair that I could forgive. The woman's husband was disabled in an accident, physically and mentally. She would never leave him, but said he wasn't her husband any more. She was his carer. She met a man who became a friend, and who she gradually leant on. It developed into an affair. She said she hadn't realised how lonely she was. I'd always been venemously against affairs (having been cheated on), but I could almost forgive that one.

The wife needs to know but there will be hundreds of laid back/dozy posters that will say “are you sure? Do you know 1000% , like did you see the sausage enter the sandwich? Could they not be doing something else , aren’t they just good friends?” 🙄

Or another time old favourite : “not your circus , not your monkeys”

My advice is , a woman should always be told this , for the bare minimum of protecting her own sexual health. What she does with that info is up to her.

The only time I supported my friend through an affair was when she told me she had fallen in love with 'another man' and her then husband was abusive (he went to prison for breaking her arm and she took him back through fear). I never judged her for her affair. I don't even think I would call it that. She deserved love.

I just posted on another thread about how I also ended a friendship with a friend who was having multiple affairs with numerous men. I lost all respect for her.

My friend had an emotional affair behind her abusive, controlling, coercive, manipulative husband’s back and I can totally understand why to be totally and brutally honest.

The Wife being in a happy marriage is at best illusory, a lie the affair partners tell themselves to legitimise the affair in their own opinion.