Not sure how to feel

[Confused1969]

A few weeks ago, on the way back from holiday, there was a stressful moment at the airport, and rather than help me, dh took a photo of me to show me how awful I look when I'm stressed. He did this in front of our ds and my mother. Prior to this, whenever we had a row or I was stressed about something, he would often say things like "you should see yourself" or "if only you could see how awful you look".

Then today, we had another stressful thing happen - so not a row, but something involving one of his friends borrowing something from us and losing it and he told me but couldn't explain how or where the item had gone - he did it again and went to get the mirror to show me how awful I look.

I'm not sure how I feel. I feel horrible. Don't know what to think. Am I being silly? I admit I am a very anxious and probably over-sensitive person so please do feel free to tell me to calm down and get over it!

No you don't need to calm down this is really really strange thing to do.
Is he all about looks? I really don't know what else could be going on!

You don't need to calm down or get over it. What he is doing is really really weird. He went and fetched a mirror? Utterly bizarre. Why would he want to make you feel like shit about yourself at a time when you're already stressed? Even if your stress reaction were totally OTT it's really weird and mean

Not really all about looks, no. I think it's a way of putting me down and stopping me from continuing.

I'd probably have been tempted to punch him in the face and then tell him how awful he looks not condoning violence. What a dick. Surely he should be supporting you, not commenting on how you look?!!

When was the last time you tried to show ANYONE else how awful they looked? Apart from "you look tired" when someone says they didn't sleep well, (or maybe even awful if I knew someone was ill and was trying to persuade them to take it easy) I would never dream of saying that to someone! Not normal

Oh gosh he’s a bully surely?

The photo at the airport was worse actually. It felt so cruel although afterwards he couldn't understand why I thought so.

Is he a shallow and superficial man generally? And this is such an off the wall bonkers thing to do! I can't imagine this man is a kind and supportive partner if this is how he behaves when you are stressed. Everyone gets stressed at times, why is he so hung up on your appearance? And the mean things he says? I know only too well how they sting. It's like a double betrayal really.
What did your mum think of the airport incident?
I bet you my extensive collection of souvenir tea towels that he only ever does this to you. I can't imagine he would do this at work.
What does he say when you tell him how unhappy you are at his behaviour?
Poor you.

Do you think it could be he's embarrassed by your reaction and maybe you get a crazy look or something! Only saying this cos if DH does freak out sometimes his voice goes high pitched and his reaction is just over the top or childish really!

Sorry x post. So is he a controlling bully in other ways? This is just the sort of thing that mean girls and boys do at school to bully others. What an arsehole.

I wonder if he's trying to "discuss" with you how overwrought you become when stressed, and has chosen a very stupid, bullying way to approach it. He has really fucked up. You say you are very tightly wound, so do you think he has reached the end of his tether with your histrionics and just can't communicate this to you like a sensible adult? I am NOT excusing how he's handling this but it's shit, but I do wonder if there's something he needs to express to you.

*because it's shit

Yes helloworld, that's what he says - that I look mad and awful. So I suppose I must do. But now I feel I can't ever get stressed or even have an argument with him because of how I look.

This is horrendous in my opinion. He is basically trying to make you look and feel stupid. Its a way of putting you down and a form of bullying.
He is trying to ridicule you by taking a photograph of you and then showing you it back.
Obviously I don't see how stressed you get, or how you behave but I really don't see how his behaviour could ever be acceptable.
What did you DM say about him taking the photo at the airport?
Personally I would tell him that if he takes one more photo, he will have the phone inserted somewhere painful.

What a fucking bullying knobjockey. When I get like that, my husband helps me calm down. He doesn't fucking bully me.

I don't think I have 'histrionics'. It's not that at all. I have all the responsibility for all the travel arrangements, and all the financial arrangements etc etc and when things go wrong, he just looks to me to sort it all out and when I get a bit stressed (like when he's gone through to the departure lounge with no luggage and I'm carrying it all and the lady won't let me through because she thinks I've got too much for one person) he took a photo of me rather than help me explain to the lady.

I would show him a photo of himself and comment on what a vindictive, argumentative twat he looks like.
His behaviour is downright cruel and nasty ( and jaw-droppingly bizarre), doesn't sound as though he even LIKES you. Wtf did your mum say when he did this at the airport??

He was nasty not to be helping with the luggage in the first place.... let alone taking a photograph

My dm pretended not to notice.

Oh god that’s awful. Just.... so cruel. Think it’s time for a major discussion that ends in ‘don’t ever do that again or you’ll be moving out’

That’s awful.

Why did yii have all the luggage and he had none? What a pig

You sorry

The only possible, slightly reasonable explanation for this is that it was said to him as a child and he has never thought about it and he assumes that it somehow acceptable.

If this isn't the case, then he is a very nasty, emotionally abusive bully

His behaviour is fucking vile

Please get your own back by capturing him on the toilet/sleeping with his mouth open fly catching. He's an arse.