I know that is a big question, and only I can answer that...but I want to share my story here in the hope for insight..
I have been with DH for 16 years next month, and next month will be our 10 year wedding anniversary.
our relationship has been fine, and strong for years. Earlier this year, DH has a midlife crisis and fell for another woman at work. OW is a lot younger and just got married herself.
Apparently she doesn't feel the same, and they haven't slept together. So he felt so stupid and horrible etc about the crush, he is in his mid 40's and she her mid 20's. I was prepared to support and forget etc. He then developed an anxiety order and depression. He is on antidepressants awaiting counselling.
At first I asked that DH and OW not chat outside work, as they used to snapchat all the time.
then he has changed so much over the last couple months, he has emotionally shut off from everyone and everything as he says. Which I can understand is the depression. so I was really patient and tried to support him the best way i can. He has had sleep deprivation and now put on sleeping tablets.
I got counselling for myself to learn to be more emotionally independent, as he has always looked after me in the past with my own depression. so he knew he can just focus on getting himself well and not worry whats it doing to me.
He started to talk to OW again outside work, saying he needs a friend to talk to besides me. This doesn't help when he last went to the doctors, they said to speak to her as its healthy to have a friend to talk to, as they always maintained that's who they are to each other now.
He said the last weekend he can’t wear his wedding ring anymore, as he doesn't feel like a husband anymore and not treated me properly, like a guilt mindset. it really stung, but I let him do what he needs to do, as I know first-hand how much mental health can change your way of thinking.
Today I found out he took the day off work yesterday, and told me he went to work. by accident, we both use the same pc, and I went on Facebook not realising it was his. then I realised and admit got curious. after all that happened i can understand why. Also this week he has been extremely down, so I wanted to make sure he was ok.
after finding this out on his pc, I then went proper searching. Then I found he ordered a babydoll and a sex toy and lube. Babydoll was not in my size.
When I asked him where he was yesterday, he said he went for a drive first and met up with OW and kept her company while she got a tattoo.
I then confronted about the Ann Summers order - he said he ordered it for OW as a birthday present. I asked how is that appropriate, and how would her husband feel. he shrugged and said that's what she wanted.
So I have been pretty devastated and hurt to say the least. He says he doesn't want to end things and wants to go through counselling to get himself right.
The only one thing I have asked of him is honesty... if something happens, if you have loved me at all then tell me.
now I have lost all trust. I can’t bring myself to wear my own ring. I know I still love him, but I don't know what to do at the moment. I'm too heartbroken..
Who buys sexy underwear and toys for a freaking friend? he says people are different.