Aibu to end a relationship because of an ex?

[MumtoFour89]

I just don’t know what to do
I’m at my wits end with my partner’s ex.
This week it really feels like the straw that broke the camel’s back and I just want to leave so I don’t have to deal with her anymore.
Just to be clear I love my stepchild and this nothing to do with her.

Would I be unreasonable to put my happiness first and leave my partner of 8 years and therefore I don’t have to have any contact with this woman ever again? It sounds like an extreme move but I just can’t cope with another 8 years of this.

This week the kids went back to school and my son who has Autism was being very difficult on the morning that my stepdd was going back to school. She goes to high school so started back a different day. I was dealing with my son and it got to the point where I had missed the opportunity to get a back to school photo of stepdd. I felt absolutely awful as it only takes a minute or two to take a photo, so I phoned her, telling her I will get a lovely photo of her when she gets home from school. She understood and I said I was so sorry. It looked bad though as I had taken a photo of my children the day before when they went back to school. Anyway I got the kids to school and then received a message from her mum asking if I’d got a picture. I apologised and said no I didn’t and that I’m really sorry, and explained why.
Anyway, she went crazy at me and accused me of treating her differently just because she’s not mine. It absolutely isn’t the case at all She said I spared no thought for stepdd when in actual fact I did and had every intention of getting a photo just like I have done in previous years. If the same occurred when my children went back to school I would not have got a photo of them either. She of course doesn’t believe that for one minute.
I was in tears when I got home from the school run. I was exhausted from the morning I had just had with ds and then felt like a really shitty person about the photo which was not intentional. Her mum wanted a morning photo and any other photo isn’t the same.

I’ve felt really down ever since Wednesday. Questioning everything about my life and whether I want to put up with this for another 8 years. My partner loves me and I love him, but I really can’t do this anymore. I’m nearly 30 and the clock only goes one way.

It happens every so often, but it shouldn’t be happening at all.
I think what hurt the most is that my difficult time with ds was totally disregarded, and that she didn’t believe me when I said if it was my children going to school that morning I guarantee I would not have got a photo. I felt like telling her to walk in my shoes for one morning and she would understand that sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. It was either pause for a few moments to take a picture or let my ds hurt himself. Even my dsd understood because she was there before she left.
My partner is majorly at fault too and I am very angry at him to the point where I feel equally as resentful towards him as I do his ex. He’s allowed her to make me feel like this while he got what I felt was a little telling off compared. Someone said “whipping boy” upthread- well, it certainly feels that way for me!
Feel like telling them both to fuck off to be honest.

*It was either pause for a moment to take a picture and let my ds hurt himself, or carry on seeing to him to make sure he’s safe.

That bit didn’t make sense, so just corrected it.

She blamed you because she has expectations of you she doesn't have of your partner and you put up with her shit because you have greater expectations of yourself than you do of your partner.

Let this moment be the catalyst from disengaging from her completely.

PSA: Nobody gets to make anybody else feel anything, our reactions are our responsibilities. Easier said then done but if a holocaust survivor can say that I think we can all at least try.

Who does she think she is, using you as her official photographer? Send her a photo of your bare arse and don't bother yourself about it any more.

It was me that called you their whipping boy.

Tbh though she has got away with it this far and your partner seems to not give enough of a shit to stop it and you have seemingly tolerated being treated like shit.
To stand by and allow this crap is not the act of a loving partner, that is the act of a partner that cannot be arsed to look out for you and expects you to put up and shut up. His life must be a lot cushier with you around I bet.

You could tell him in no uncertain terms you are not dealing with his ex again under any circumstances and make it crystal clear you are close to leaving unless he takes care of his own shit, give it maybe another 6 months, and if in that time there is any reoccurance of you being totally disrespected by either of these twats, then leave.

Me, personally, would let them both have both barrels and go now. Just think how much quieter, uncomplicated and less stressful your life would be without all their bullshit dramas!! Who fucking needs this shite in their life!!!

Well. My dd started nursery today. She looked adorable in her little uniform. Guess what? I didn’t get a picture until afterwards whereas the when the others went to nursery I’m pretty sure I did the morning they went to nursery.
Really fucks me off how I feel like if that was dsd she would have gone apeshit at me because it wasn’t a morning photo. I got a cute photo when dd finished. No harm done!
I feel like telling her just to prove a point, but of course she will probably just say I did it on purpose. So I will sit on my hands.

It has NOTHING to do with the event - ie the am or pm photo. It is ONLY ever about having a pop at you and your OH. See it for what it is - pity her - she obvs is bitter and hasn’t moved on.

You have the choice whether to take on board her nonsense or not - don’t let her negativity into your head. Today should be about 100% positivity for your DD - why is this seeping in? Bat it away as an “intrusive thought”