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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable to be put off potential date because of this?

91 replies

Dieu · 07/09/2018 16:57

Hi. In an attempt to shake off the inertia that I am currently feeling around online dating, I have lined up a date for tomorrow night. I can't say I'm feeling it massively, but the guy does sound really nice. He's steady, you know, always phones and messages when he says he will. He seems keen. I can't say I find him hugely funny or attractive, but he's so nice, and I would feel bad about letting him down. I will be meeting him for the first time tomorrow, though we have been messaging for the past couple of weeks.
Right, here's the thing. He has a few tattoos. Okay, fine. They're not my cup of tea, but all good. He's ex navy, so at least isn't some hipster type Grin. BUT, one of the tattoos is of his grandad, presumably in portrait form.
I get that his grandfather was important to him, but am I alone in finding this rather tacky?
And then I mentioned it to a couple of friends, who pointed out that if we ever had sex, his grandad would be looking down (or up!) at me.
I am honestly not sure if we're going to have much in common, not helped by his choice of tattoo.
I hate to sound mean, but can't really help how I feel.
Is it a lost cause?!

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:16

FFS, did you even read the last couple of comments?
Unbelievable!

OP posts:
SunnyInGrimsby · 09/09/2018 10:17

I think you should go! Sounds like he is a nice guy and who knows, there might be chemistry.

Onedayy · 09/09/2018 10:18

Op if you are feeling sensitive I wouldn’t come back to the thread as some posters will just comment on your op!

Musti · 09/09/2018 10:18

That's my issue with OLD. It takes me a while to feel attracted to someone but you're under some pressure to feel some way or another in a way that you're not when you just meet people in real life.

Glad you had a nice evening ok.

Musti · 09/09/2018 10:19

My phone keeps changing op to ok!!

Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:20

Onedayy yup, rather than read the whole thing.
Good advice!

OP posts:
SunnyInGrimsby · 09/09/2018 10:21

Oops, sorry - didn't read the full thread. Glad you went though but sorry there wasn't chemistry.

Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:21

Thanks Musti Smile

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:22

No problem Sunny and yes, me too Smile

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 09/09/2018 10:23

I think you should have cancelled. Fair enough you had a nice night out but you went into it knowing how you felt and weren't likely to change, it's not fair to have wasted his time like that. I don't think you're shallow for not finding him attractive. I believe there has to be an attraction, but you do sound a bit judgemental over the tattoo.

Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:27

Totally take on board your comment. I have wondered about whether I should have gone too. I think it's just that having done the online dating for a while now, I kinda get a feel for how a date is going to go. But there's always that 'what if' thought in the back of your head ...

OP posts:
ThunderInMyHeart · 09/09/2018 10:34

I know you've already been on the date but, for what it's worth, I don't think you were being shallow or pretentious or any other negative adjective. I've done online dating for years and it GRATES. It's a headlock and more draining than I ever could have imagined. I often got to points where 'small' things would put me off and leave me desperate to cancel/find a reason to.

Well done for going. At least you know for certain now!

crrrzy · 09/09/2018 10:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:37

Thank you both!

OP posts:
Shampaincharly · 09/09/2018 10:38

Ah , well @Dieu !
Thanks for the update.
Better luck next time .

Dieu · 09/09/2018 10:41
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