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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be put off potential date because of this?

91 replies

Dieu · 07/09/2018 16:57

Hi. In an attempt to shake off the inertia that I am currently feeling around online dating, I have lined up a date for tomorrow night. I can't say I'm feeling it massively, but the guy does sound really nice. He's steady, you know, always phones and messages when he says he will. He seems keen. I can't say I find him hugely funny or attractive, but he's so nice, and I would feel bad about letting him down. I will be meeting him for the first time tomorrow, though we have been messaging for the past couple of weeks.
Right, here's the thing. He has a few tattoos. Okay, fine. They're not my cup of tea, but all good. He's ex navy, so at least isn't some hipster type Grin. BUT, one of the tattoos is of his grandad, presumably in portrait form.
I get that his grandfather was important to him, but am I alone in finding this rather tacky?
And then I mentioned it to a couple of friends, who pointed out that if we ever had sex, his grandad would be looking down (or up!) at me.
I am honestly not sure if we're going to have much in common, not helped by his choice of tattoo.
I hate to sound mean, but can't really help how I feel.
Is it a lost cause?!

OP posts:
biscuitaddict · 07/09/2018 17:23

I think you should go. You can't tell unless you meet someone. Best case scenario it doesn't bother you and you hit it off. Worst case you decline to go out again. Could be great friends if nothing else.

Alwayscommuting · 07/09/2018 17:27

It doesn't sound like you'll click but you could be wrong. I will say this though, my DH didn't like tattoos, or that's what he thought. I have several and have plans for several more which I told him back when we met. He actually really likes them and is now even considering one himself! So you could be surprised.

Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 17:27

Ok, I take on board everyone's comments.

I will go tomorrow night, but with a more positive and open-minded attitude. Sometimes a different perspective is needed.

This will never be everyone's cup of tea though, so it's pointless to make out otherwise. We all have our 'thing'. He said that the the reason he is being so upfront about his tattoos now, is because a woman previously walked out of their date on seeing them. He took his jacket off, she saw them, and said 'I'm sorry, I can't do this'.

I would never do that to someone, as he must have felt wretched at that point.

Thanks for your replies everyone Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 17:28

Alwayscommuting bet they're not of your nan though Wink

OP posts:
Shampaincharly · 07/09/2018 17:32

@Dieu , behave !
Positive attitude.

Snog · 07/09/2018 17:32

I would read into this that his grandfather was important to him.
Which I wouldn't think was a bad thing particularly.

Onedayy · 07/09/2018 17:35

Where on his body is the tattoo? Have you seen a picture of it?

Hopoindown31 · 07/09/2018 17:35

Good luck OP, he may surprise you (in a good way!).

brokenharbour · 07/09/2018 17:42

I don't like tattoos so it would put me off, I think it's fair to have a preference about something like that. But I'd still go and give it a go as you never know, glad you are going! Make sure you report back 😊

Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 18:11

Thanks brokenharbour and will do! I have no problem with tattoos, and find them sexy in some cases. Just not this kind, if I'm being honest. And my reaction to it was pretty mild, compared to the few people to whom I mentioned it in real life. So I don't buy the whole thing about them saying it just to humour me Hmm
Being accused of being judge and shallow is a first for me though. I've never been on a date, or indeed in a relationship, where a bloke didn't think I was a good person. I absolutely do know that I can have that side to me though. I'm human. Mumsnetters can sometimes come across as a little judgmental themselves though, when they don't know someone from Adam.
Anyway, who's to say he might not find my chunky legs or wobbly tum off-putting?! Horses for courses, and all that ...

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 07/09/2018 21:49

OP I find tattoos utterly grim and unsexy and they would honestly put me off a person. There's nothing wrong with having a preference and no tattoos is mine. I respect people like them but that doesn't mean the feeling has to be universal. I wouldn't go on the date. His choice to have his choice of tattoos, your innate reflex to probably not be attracted to his physique with the ones he has.

Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 21:55

Thank you Smile. I am going to go on the date, because I think we'll enjoy each other's company and have a perfectly lovely night, even if nothing comes of it in the end. We are both happy to do that, and after a prolonged period of messaging and calling, I would feel much too bad at this stage to let him down.
I find the portrait tattoo thing pretty naff. I can't lie. But I will keep a very open mind about the rest of him, and he is lovely.

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 07/09/2018 21:56

You're better than me. I'd be worrying I would get to like him but could never shag him 😁

Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 21:58

But how dare you even consider that at this early stage, even in lighthearted jest Wink Hmm

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 07/09/2018 22:00

Do him a favour and cancelHmm

Shampaincharly · 07/09/2018 22:01

@Dieu : do not bother to look at replies now . Just switch off from this . Chill .
Have a nice time tomorrow.

ILovePierceBrosnan · 07/09/2018 22:06

Enjoy your date. It might be horrible and you have your answer, he might be lovely and the tattoos you start to love.

I think anonymity of the forum enables people to be honest and blunt and that includes OPs who say stuff they otherwise only think and respondents who don’t waste time thinking about nuances, context etc and just say what they see

Original poster
Dieu · 07/09/2018 22:12

To the last two posters, thank you. And you're right. I think a few have actually come across worse than I did!
I'm off for now, but I do thank you ALL for the kick up the backside/sense of perspective (and to those who, ironically, didn't judge me too harshly!).

OP posts:
Musti · 07/09/2018 22:35

The problem with online dating is that you're gauging/judging them in a way you wouldn't in real life. If I had just seen pictures of any of my exes there's no way that I would have been attracted to them. But in real life it's their personality that attracts you first and then you find them attractive (and you won't care about a dodgy tattoo etc).

Please let us know how the date goes.

WeeMcBeastie · 07/09/2018 22:48

Some of the comments on here are very harsh. We’re all human with our individual preferences and we can’t help what features we find attractive/unattractive. I hate tattoos too and they would definitely put me off a man.

Sickandtiredofthisshit · 07/09/2018 23:25

I asked my ex to re-consider his plans for a giant tribute to his grandparents on his back as I didn’t want to snuggle into an angel at night.

Hope the date goes well. Maybe he’ll surprise you 😊

Haireverywhere · 07/09/2018 23:31

I agree you don't seem keen and I think are going to waste his time. If you go then please keep an open mind and let him down without insulting Grandad Wink

Onecutefox · 07/09/2018 23:53

Meet up with him and see how it goes. You don't have to have sex on the first night anyway. If you find that you don't fancy him after the date then that's it - you don't need to worry about the portrait anymore.

Returnofthesmileybar · 08/09/2018 00:02

I know someone who got his dog tattooed on him, the very much alive dog, so there's always someone worse out there Grin Go, have a nice time. I agree with the pp that said online dating makes everyone judge a little differently to real life. Go with an open mind, he may be lovely

LEMtheoriginal · 08/09/2018 07:35

Don't go. He's not your type. PLEASE dont tell him it's about the tattoo though.

You do need to stop prejudging based on online chats though. You commented earlier that you didnt get the same reaction irl to your nasty comment about the tattoo. Thats because people are different when "protected' by a screen. He'll be different irl too.

You may be letting the love of your life slip through your fingers. But you probably haven't