How big was the stigma of being the child of unmarried parents in 1949?

[Iltropicana]

Was it still frowned upon then? What would have been the general view at that time?

I still haven't told my parents that I married a 'bastard'. Vile word.

My 'D'F was horrified enough by him not being baptised that the idea of telling him that DH's parents weren't married at the time he was born was unthinkable. They got married afterwards and divorced a few years later. The divorce aspect caused my father further trauma.

DH was born in the 1970s, my father late 1930s. The latter is a dinosaur. Also we are very different socio-economic backgrounds. No one in DH family bats an eyelid about children outside of marriage. My family would still be scandalised, even in 2018.

It was a massive stigma, but if you had a supportive family and were prepared to brazen it out, you could get away with it. I know someone who was born "out of wedlock" in 1927, and his mum kept him, because she lived with her sisters and they were prepared to support her. She got herself a wedding ring and an engagement ring and called herself Mrs, even though all the neighbours knew she was a Miss. I don't know how much hostility she got, but she did go on to have a good career in nursing. This man had no problem getting married. The family he married into didn't think any the less of him.

My husband was born in the late 60s. His parents were students when they got pregnant and got married. Mil was not allowed to wear a wedding dress and had to wear a suit . Mil gave up her education while fil carried on studying.
The shame would have been huge if they hadn't got married.

I am the product of a "Relationship" between a wealthy, handsome young man and my mother who thought she could be the one. 😢

My father's family shipped him back home as soon as word got out that I was on the way. I was born into a very strict Irish Catholic family and the plan was that I would be sent to a Catholic orphanage following my birth. My much loved GF stepped in at the 11th hour and decided I wouldn't be sent away.

Unfortunately my GF died when I was a few years old and from then on my childhood was a misery. (The rest of the family, including my mother, had no time for me at all.) I wasn't allowed to play with any of the local children - mid 50's Eire - and I was constantly referred to as the "Devil's child"!

I am now mid 60's with extremely low self esteem. I have been NC with my mother or any of her family for 30 years and have never met my father. I am blessed to have been extremely happily married for almost 40 years with a much loved DH and DD but have lived with a feeling of shame all my life despite being very bright and having a very successful career.

It is interesting that had my GF not stepped in I would have been Australian as all the youngsters from the home I was due to be sent to following my birth were shipped out to Oz. 🤭

To see how times have changed is amazing to me. However, my background has left me with what is considered very old fashioned views around marriage and children being born within same.

Yes the stigma was massive and in mid 50's Ireland especially. 😥👾

That's an awful story, Rafflesway. I'm so sorry.

I cared for an Irish Lady with bipolar disease in the 80s who had been raped at 14 in the 50s. She didn’t even know what sex was. She became pregnant and was beaten severely by her parents then sent in total disgrace to a Magdelaine Laundry where she had a girl. She refused to sign documents agreeing to having her child adopted. She stayed for 2 years - 2 years of unpaid slave Labour - the child remained too in their nursery where she saw her mother for a few minutes a day - until eventually her by now-married sister reluctantly signed her out following a smuggled out desperate plea sent by mail. Without that,she would have had to stay there indefinitely.

She got a job as a live in housekeeper to a single middle aged man, but was expected to sleep with him if he accepted her child there too. So she did. He never married her, so when he died many years later, his family threw her out to start again.

The child was treated horrifically at school for being illegitimate plus having a mum living in sin, and ended up hating her mother for giving her that life rather than the one she had idealised, an adoption to hypothetical rush Americans. Their relationship was bad and broke down completely by the time I knew her. It was so sad - all from the rape of a child.

This was only in the 50s.

My Father almost disowned me when I was about to become a single mother, he had a last minute change of heart

To be honest I have never forgiven him and it has clouded even more my opinion of him. The same as my Mother for putting up with his nonsence rather than telling him to stop being a twat

The year was 2006 and I was nearly 41

Thank you for your kind words Time40 but I honestly am very, very happy nowadays and have been since the day I went NC with my very toxic relatives.

You don't have to look very far to hear of people experiencing so,much worse than yourself. Just look at the poor lady Urbanbeetler has spoken of.
That is truly horrific although sad to say it doesn't surprise me at all from 50's Ireland. Even though I am extremely proud of my nationality, the country -certainly at that time - was pretty much governed by the Catholic Church which has a great deal to answer for. I am now a VERY lapsed Catholic unsurprisingly.