Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nightmare situation-advice needed please!!

70 replies

vangiesmummy · 05/09/2018 23:21

I’d really appreciate some advice as I haven’t told anyone else what’s going on. In a nutshell, with my ex for about 3 yrs on and off. We loved each other but circumstances kept us apart. Split for good in October last year but he kept contacting me even though he finished it. Went on for a few months and we ended up sleeping together a few times. About a week after the last time I saw him with another woman in his car. Cut a long story short I find out he’d been with her all the time he was with me as well but I had no idea. I cut all contact with him but a few weeks later I discover I’m pregnant. I tell him and he says he’ll tell his gf what’s been going on. We decide a termination is the only option given situation. He hasn’t finished with her yet (4 weeks in) and told me the other day he’ll do it once he’s been away to celebrate her 40th at the end of the month. In the meantime I’m left at home knowing he’s with her whilst I’m struggling with the decision I’ve made. The date of the procedure will be a few days before he goes away so I’ll be on my own to deal whilst he’s away. Says he doesnt want to spoil her birthday!! Am I being unreasonable expecting him to finish with her sooner so he can support me? Sorry for long post but feel like I’m going mad with this going around my head...

OP posts:
sansouci · 06/09/2018 10:41

Run. Cut all contact with this dreadful man. How dare he threaten and manipulate you! Make your own decision about your pregnancy. Leave him out of it. It will be hard for you as you seem very invested in your relationship with him but honestly, he is abusive, selfish, crazy, etc and your life will be 100% better without him in it.

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 10:55

I thought I wanted him to be involved and that he should be morally, but I’ve realised now it’s not best for me. He was manipulative throughout the relationship and used a lot of emotional blackmail to get his own way. I know I shouldnt have carried on seeing him after we split but I fell for his crap all over again. Never in a million years did I think he was with someone else as I’m furious that he’s done this to me

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 06/09/2018 10:58

Don’t beat yourself up about what you should or shouldn’t have done. What’s done is done. It can’t be changed. Focus now on what can be changed. And you don’t need him to help you decide any of it. Cut all contact now.

1travellight · 06/09/2018 11:15

He's not going to leave her. He is committed to her now.
If you abort to make him happy, he can then deny anything you say later.
You will be "the crazy ex" telling lies and fairy stories to try to win him back.

expect abuse off people he knows in the street, at my door, kids school etc when people know what we’ve done. It scared me. He’s also said his life will be over if it comes out and he may as well be dead. He is a master manipulator. What he really means is, do this and you can expect HIM to abuse you. His life WON'T be over, he will deny, deny, deny. He will call you a liar. He is only worried about his own skin.

Decide what YOU want. Can you live with terminating? Can you cope with another child? What would this mean to your other children? Do you have help?

Pretend he had already gone, out of your life.
What decision would you make then?
Imagine yourself after the procedure. How would you feel?

You still have time to reach a decision that is best for you all.
Until you are clearer about this - do NOTHING.

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 12:01

He says he’ll finish with her by saying he doesn’t think the relationship is going anywhere, but not mention the cheating/pregnancy to protect “us”. I’m being taken for a mug aren’t I

OP posts:
vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 12:03

As for the termination it’s in the best interests of me and my two children. I don’t want another baby and hope I’ll find the strength to deal with upset afterwards. Everyone that’s said I need to get away from him is right. He’s clearly not a decent person and will continue to drag me down. I think I’ve seen the light finally!!

OP posts:
BlueEyedBengal · 06/09/2018 12:16

I wish you well, you are been very brave about this, please don't let him mess you around any more. ThanksThanksThanks

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 12:32

Thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 06/09/2018 13:05

I don’t want another baby and hope I’ll find the strength to deal with upset afterwards.

Honestly, I think you’ll feel relieved.

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 13:27

Honestly, I think you’ll feel relieved

I think so too tbh

OP posts:
expatmigrant · 06/09/2018 14:15

Sorry this is happening to you.
if you have the abortion, make sure it is what you want for yourself and your DC not because he wants you to do it. It will hopefully make you cope with the decision much better. And if you need it, arrange some counselling for yourself too. Don't let him back into your life.
Be good to yourself Flowers

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 14:44

Thanks expat, really kind of you

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 06/09/2018 14:50

With regards to him, he’s a shit bag, go no contact, you’ll be better off! He’s only stringing you along, so he can manipulate you into having a termination.

With regards to the termination, do what’s best for you and keep any thought of him, or what he’s said out of the decision

subspace · 06/09/2018 15:01

You sound in a better place today. Good for you, keep going! Big love xxx

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 15:17

Subspace-I am thanks. Been at work thinking about what a tosser he really is and how I’m better off without him. He never takes responsibility for his actions and twists everything so I feel sorry for him. It’s his own fault he’s about to go bankrupt and probably lose his flat, he’s been taking drugs to block that all out and now he’s caused this issue as well. Karma comes to mind 🤔 Rant over!!

OP posts:
subspace · 06/09/2018 15:20

Oh heck.

Best make sure his bankruptcy doesn't take you down too my love. Get your money into accounts that only you are the signature for (ie not joint accounts), make sure he can't get hold of your cards, change pin and passwords that he knows etc xxx

subspace · 06/09/2018 15:21

Urgh sorry, i posted on a number of threads and got confused about your situation. Ignore me. X

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 15:34

No worries! X

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 06/09/2018 17:06

He sounds like a dirty seedy rancid prick... Carrying on his 'Romance' in full view of everyone whilst shagging you behind closed doors... he is not leaving her... he is Desperately trying to get you to end the pregnancy so he's free........ you Lady deserve better and better is out there for you...

Do not let anyone manipulate you in the decision making process of this pregnancy .. the decision is yours... Flowers

vangiesmummy · 06/09/2018 17:43

That such a funny description 😂😂 Thanks for making me laugh. Deep down I know he’s a coward and will be crapping himself that I’ll spill the beans about him at some point. I’ll let him know that is hanging over his head and that’s enough for me!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page