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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think he's cheating

42 replies

namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 00:47

I feel sick. Told me he was going to visit his mum after work - 40 mins away. It's nearly 1am and he's not answered either one of texts.

Usually he's all over me but for the last few weeks he hasn't been and out of the blue our sex life has nose dived and he has ED. I've been feeling ugly and fat (I am fat btw). Been together over 20 years.

You guys always say "trust your gut"...

OP posts:
Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 00:48

Oh dear Flowers
I’m sorry. What will do you ?

Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 00:50

As in will you try and speak to him tomorrow?
Personally I would ring his mums and ask to speak to him because you are ‘worried he’d crashed on the way home’. You’ll soon see if he’s been there or not

Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 00:51

Ps I do believe in trust your gut - but - is there any chance there’s another explanation like he’s depressed or something?

SongBirdsKeepSinging · 05/09/2018 00:54

I'd ring his mums too to make sure everything is ok. Is this the first time you've thought he could be cheating? I hope you're ok

Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 00:56

Thanks. It will just look so bad if I call her at 1am. I really think he's fine and he's just ignoring me

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 05/09/2018 00:57

I would also ring his mum's
Hope your ok.

Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 00:57

It is telling that you’d jump straight to cheating rather than he’s been in an accident or something’s happened which would be my first thought. And if he hadn’t have responded by bed time I would have phoned his mums to see what was happening. So yes, perhaps u know in your gut already.

Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 00:58

You have to ring her - what if there had been an accident!

HollowTalk · 05/09/2018 00:58

Try to sleep. I know how hard it is. Flowers

Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 00:59

He text me from work this afternoon trying to start an argument and as I was out shopping with our son I just wasn't engaging.

I just feel as though something has been off for weeks. I can't put my finger on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 01:00

@Redteapot67 he just has form for doing this albeit when we were very very much younger. I used to call his mum and it just made me look like an idiot when he was just out with friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 01:01

I'm so grateful that you're responding at this time of night 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 01:04

He's just walked in through the door.

OP posts:
SongBirdsKeepSinging · 05/09/2018 01:04

It's such a horrible feeling to have. Is there anyone you can ring to see if they've heard from him if you don't feel like you can call his mum?

SongBirdsKeepSinging · 05/09/2018 01:04

Oh good I'm glad he's ok. Try and have a talk with him and how he's worried you. Hope you get to the bottom of things.

Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 01:06

I asked him outright before if he was cheating on me and he swore he wasn't. It's not like he'd volunteer that info is it?

OP posts:
Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 01:06

Oh ok yeah I wouldn’t call then - just because you clearly know what the answer is you’ll get - he’s not been there or he left hours ago.

I would text saying you are worried about him and should you call the police - see if that prompts a response.

But yep you need to step back a bit and think what your options are.

Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 01:06

Thank you @SongBirdsKeepSinging

OP posts:
Redteapot67 · 05/09/2018 01:07

Gld he’s home.
Yes he wouldn’t ever admit it but the fact you are asking the question at all means something is wrong.

BackInTheRoom · 05/09/2018 01:27

Go covert, watch for signs.

Princess1066 · 05/09/2018 01:43

So sorry you are going through this OP - you must feel sick to your stomach - hope everything is OK

Original poster
namechanged0983 · 05/09/2018 02:01

@Princess1066 thank you. I want to cry but I physically can't for some reason.

OP posts:
SongBirdsKeepSinging · 05/09/2018 02:23

I know how you feel op it's a horrid feeling. I found it helpful to write things down, feelings, emotions, suspicions etc just to get it straight in my own head before I did any talking. It helped especially when I couldn't get to sleep because my brain was racing.

Princess1066 · 05/09/2018 08:55

@namechanged0983 sorry I crashed just after that post - hope you got done sleep and are feeling a bit better this morning?

Princess1066 · 05/09/2018 08:56

Some sleep

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