My brother told me he’d sexually assaulted a woman (sensitive content)

[chocolateswirls]

I am a fairly regular MN poster but have name changed for this thread.

My brother and I were taught nothing about sex growing up - not even the most basic talk about periods for me. I gleaned some information from magazines and books and I know my brother was looking at pornography as a teen.

I think my brother is having a bit of a mini breakdown. He was living and working abroad but is now back in the uk and is regularly talking about our childhood.

He has told me that he “didn’t take no for an answer” as a teen and he feels awful about it now. I don’t even know why I’m posting. I just feel a bit shocked myself I suppose.

How’s he been since? I guess nobody can answer because nobody would think somebody they love and cherish would be capable of anything like that in the first place.

Typical MN over reaction, it was 25 years ago when he was 14, he feels bad about it. Why dont all just leave it eh?
Do you think that all crimes over 25 years should be ignored and pardoned, or just one involving rape?

People are going to be awful on here OP (and already are being) but I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope your brothers crisis comes to an end soon

Just read through the thread and the OP hasn’t said it’s rape, so why is everyone assuming?

Has he actually admitted to some kind of penetrative sex? You are not clear about that. There could have been an incident or two when he was a child, experimenting with another child, which got out of hand but that's not the same as penetrative sex. He could be looking back at his childhood self and seeing the incident as worse than it was. So don't be too hard on him.

He's obviously hung up with guilt about it. I've known so many people who are racked with guilt over stuff that happened when they were quite innocent and didn't understand, it spoils their lives.

Most of us, if we look back, did things which on reflection were wrong but we have to forgive ourselves. Children need knowledge and gentle guidance gained from good role models in order to have boundaries, not all have that. and it sounds as though you didn't.

What your adult brother is like now is the important thing. If he has grown into a man who respects himself and others he must look forward, not backwards. You can maybe help him to do that, it is very good that he has you to confide in but professional counselling would, I think, be very useful to him to help him get things in proportion and move on from his childhood.

Of one thing I am certain, if you or your brother have children, you will bring them up to understand right from wrong and teach them all they need to know. They will respect you.