How to end things when dating for a few months?

[NatVoll]

Hi all, after realising I am stuck in a “almost relationship”, I decided to end things with the guy.

He has pulled yet another of his disappearing acts, and I just can’t kid myself any longer that this is going anywhere. This guy is stringing me along with a casual dating thing, while he knows full well I am looking for a committed relationship and he made me believe he wanted the same. Now I can see he has been bread-crumbing me for months, so he could keep getting his weekly fix of sex and attention.

My question is: after dating for 4 months, what is the appropriate way to end things? Do I owe him a detailed explanation? Should I just send a vague text about “things not working”? Am I supposed to meet him in person? I suppose I can’t ghost him even though I am very tempted.

I'd speak to him and say you're ending it, because it's not working for you and wish him all the best.

Then goodbye and block him.

If you don't want to talk to him... send the same words by a text.

Given his lack of respect for you I suggest a text would do.
Sorry x, this isn't working for me any longer. From op.
Them block before you get the same back with extra twatism.

I wouldn't bother with a face to face, he doesn't deserve your time. Text and block.

No need for a F2F in this situation. Don't ghost either - be the better person and text/message, saying goodbye and wishing him all the best. Then block, so he cannot drag you back in.

Wait til he disappears again, block and go on with your life.

Given circumstances I'd ghost him. Oops

Vague text is the way to go then block him.
Well done on wasting anymore time on his.
He sounds like a waste of space!

Vague text and block. I would be tempted to ghost in the circumstances but it might be easier to just get it over with.

Definitely no need to do F2F. Even if he was a nice guy I don't think there's any need for that after a few months.

I wouldn't ghost him but I wouldn't get in touch either. If or when he messages, I'd reply 'I'm not interested thank you, best wishes'

Either tell him you want to cool it or just not be available a few times when he rings up. Hopefully he'll get the message.

Blimey there are some hard nosed people on here !

4 months ? A polite text saying clearly that you are looking for more than what he seems to want would be appropriate I would say . Think if you were on the receiving end of a "vague text " or ghosted ? Go over to the dating thread and see all the women on there complaining about being treated like this . Just be polite and respectful . It doesn't hurt you .

Really funicorn? He's using her for sex whereas she wants a serious relationship. Bread crumbling someone is shitty. Much worse than a blunt but cordial text to finish things.

Funicorn the thing with that is he'll likely come back with I do want what you want. The situation suits him so he'll just say the right thing to keep it going a bit longer.

I think vague is best, it's not working out, I wish you best, take care, block.

I think a text saying ‘we don’t want the same things out of a relationship , sorry’ I really do wish you all the best, it’s been fun

Given he keeps disappearing on you, I'd just leave it for the moment. If he does reappear, then I'd just say 'no thanks' if he requests to meet up and some non-commital excuse about being busy and it not working out. No need to chase down a man that's not in contact, just to dump him. Ghosting is ignoring his attempts to communicate - it's not ghosting if he's already disappeared on you...

generic text, then block.

I think people mean vague text as in don't go into details about why you're finishing things. Because he will likely make excuses and insist they want the same thing yadda yadda. Nothing impolite about just saying you aren't feeling it and want things go finish. I would feel rejected by anyone dumping me after any length of time, really. It wouldn't make me feel better to know more details though tbh.

Ghosting is a bit harsh but it sounds like he hasn't been treating the OP very well (disappearing act) so she doesn't really owe him anything and he doesn't sound that into it it's more a knock to his ego than something that's likely going to actually upset him or anything.

I'd be the one to draw a line under it.

Something simple like ''this isn't working for me, good bye and good luck''.

He'll know why you're ending it and it isn't ''drama'', it isn't ''crazy''. It's clear communication.

I'd just text that it isn't working for you, good bye.

Don't ghost, that's a shitty thing to do to somebody. Have the basic courtesy to end it even if only by text

A text like the PPs suggest but without a 'sorry'.

Urrgh. Just understood your post a bit better. Not 100% sure what you mean by disappearing act (are you the person who posted about the guy who goes away with his mates every weekend? In which case that's not really disappearing?), but if he does genuinely just go awol from contact for significant periods of time, then I agree with the others, just don't be available when he wants to get back in touch again. Life's too short! Not responding to somebody who doesn't respond to you isn't the same as ghosting. X

I am asking for advice because I am reasonably sure he will reappear at some point, so I want to have a plan on how to react when that happens.

I believe in treating people in the same way they treat me.
Youve said yourself it isnt a relationship and as he has done 'another' disappearing act i wouldnt bother with any kind of communication. Messaging a person who is trying to avoid you to tell them you dont want to see them again seems a little pointless to me.
He has ceased contact so there doesnt really seem like there is anything to end. I would thank my lucky stars i realised what a twat he was so early on and remove the oppotunity of him re establiahing contact next time he is bored by just blocking him, then move on and enjoy your life.....job done.

I'd want to take control of the situation so would message to say it isn't working for me and then block and delete before he can reply. He thinks he can treat you how he likes so I'd be telling him he can't by messaging then blocking straight away. No rudeness, no drama, just taking back control and ending it on your terms.