How to end things when dating for a few months?

[NatVoll]

Hi all, after realising I am stuck in a “almost relationship”, I decided to end things with the guy.

He has pulled yet another of his disappearing acts, and I just can’t kid myself any longer that this is going anywhere. This guy is stringing me along with a casual dating thing, while he knows full well I am looking for a committed relationship and he made me believe he wanted the same. Now I can see he has been bread-crumbing me for months, so he could keep getting his weekly fix of sex and attention.

My question is: after dating for 4 months, what is the appropriate way to end things? Do I owe him a detailed explanation? Should I just send a vague text about “things not working”? Am I supposed to meet him in person? I suppose I can’t ghost him even though I am very tempted.

Don't be available to him. Withdraw from the relationship, like he does. Stop contacting him. If he gets in touch, you're busy.

Like pp say, you need to take control. He WILL reappear when the next one gets fed up of him/he's bored/wants sex/wants an ego boost.

Text him politely and say that unfortunately it's not working for you. Then block him and date lots of other people, move on asap.

Text, block and ghost. That's about all you owe him.

How about replying this when he texts:

Hey xxx, I've enjoyed spending time with you, but I think we want different things and this isn’t working for me anymore. I hope you understand and I wish you all the best.

No. That's too open for him manipulating you.Text him now. Say "Hi, this isn't working for me and I don't want to see you again but wish you well." Then block and delete. Don't wait for him, that's playing right into his little game. Don't thank him as though you're grateful he's paid you attention!

Agree with perverse

Why wait til he reappears?
Just text and say it's not going anywhere and you're ending things.

I wouldn't wait until he reappears. I'd do it now so you don't weaken your resolve. Presumably he's charming and you may be likely to see him again if you wait?

I would wait for him to text. I certainly wouldn't chase him down just to tell him you wanted more than he's offering. When he texted I'd tell him that whilst he was busy being too busy I'd been busy dating and would be busy for the foreseeable.

When he texted I'd tell him that whilst he was busy being too busy I'd been busy dating and would be busy for the foreseeable.

That would be hilarious 😂

How about replying this when he texts

How about this:

'Who is this?'

How about this:

'Who is this?'

What is breadcrumbing, please?

It is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you around, when clearly they're not really invested in you. Essentially breadcrumbing means that he has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well they’re staying single.

Watch this video. Sounds like your scenario, OP

NatVoll. Thank you. I do wish I had known this a few years ago! I have learned so much from Mumsnet. I can't be sure but I think my life would have taken a very different turn if I had known about this behaviour and dealt with it appropriately.

In the past few years i have had a few recent short term relationships lasting between 2 and 6 months. I ended the first 6 month (he wasnt into me enough)by phone call, another 2 month one I ended by text as couldn't see it working out as we weren't very compatible long term and another 3 month one cos he was not making enough effort to see me whilst still actively looking online I also ended by text.
wasn't sure in each case whether I should have done f2f but was meeting them all about once a week, all lived about 25 miles away and would have involved sorting a sitter etc in order to do the break up. in each case it seemed to go ok and I didn't feel bad about doing it that way afterwards.

Don’t ghost!!
He’s hardly getting in touch with OP himself which means he is ghosting her.

The last time we talked was last Thursday, so I think it is very possible we are just mutually ghosting each other. Problem solved!

Have you dumped him yet?

Perverse it feels a bit silly to contact someone who is not contacting me at all, just to tell him never to contact me again

I get your point but for me it would be important to take his control away by ending it. Otherwise men like this turn up again in a few days or weeks and act like they've done nothing wrong, the woman gets rightfully annoyed and tells him to piss off, and then he tells all his mates how she's a crazy psycho who wanted more than the casual shit he was wanting. It's a classic dickhead move.

If he messages you again reply ‘unsubscribe’ then block him

Don't get in touch until he contacts you first. When he does, then reply with "This isn't working for me anymore. Best of luck for the future".

Then block his number so he can't worm his way back in.

He's breadcrumbing you - so you don't owe him detailed explanations.

You will look a right tit if you message him to tell him you aren't interested, when he clearly isn't either.

Do the 'who is this?' if he gets in touch. You know it makes sense.