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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating someone who doesn't keep in touch much but when together it's great... what should I think??

40 replies

Datingdilemashmm · 01/09/2018 23:29

I've been seeing someone for a month although only 4 dates (one a week). We went out for first three then dinner at mine date 4.. no sex but kissed.
When we are together he seems very keen to get to know me etc and said he'd told friends about me, offered to help me with some DIY! Ie a bit of 'future' talk but when we are apart he never texts good morning or good night which I find a shame as it's nice to let each other know you're on their mind. He will txt back if I txt asking how his days going but I'd say total texts a day is around 2 short ones each..

I really wouldn't want to txt all day and eve but a little more would be nice. I know that guys are different but do you think just one or two short msgs a day and no gd night msg is enough?

OP posts:

catskit · 01/09/2018 23:43

He may find texting a bore - some people need to see/hear the other person to enjoy communication. Not to mention some just hate typing! But it is a bit strange that you never chat on the phone between dates, I'd say. Maybe suggest it to him?

ASAS · 01/09/2018 23:44

Could he be married?

Original poster

Datingdilemashmm · 02/09/2018 00:15

He's definitely not married lol

OP posts:

meowimacat · 02/09/2018 00:18

Maybe he just doesn't communicate that way which in time you could bring up. It's a bit early to be doing that now so you'll just have to wait and see. Was he better at texting earlier into things?

I think in all honesty he's potentially still dating/chatting to other people so he could also be investing chat time in other people. It's very rare for a guy to be fully exclusive with one person only 4 dates in, so it's best you are keeping your options open too. Even if you like this guy make sure you aren't investing everything you have in him. Just because he mentioned the future and that he'd mentioned you to people, that doesn't mean that much yet without knowing you guys are exclusive.

It's one of those times where you're going to have to sit it out and if things do progress you could mention you'd like to hear from him more. But for now, I'd be keeping busy also chatting to other people. He'll be more inclined to want to speak to you more if he has no clue what you're doing/doesn't hear from you.

Goldilocks3Bears · 02/09/2018 00:23

I assume you both work. I don’t think a date a week is too little this early in and sounds like you’re going slow and not ripping clothes off each other so it’s in line with that. So far so good.

Some people don’t text during the day when they are at work.

However, I am wondering how the hell you ever went on those four dates with that little interaction?!

What’s he like otherwise? He doesn’t sound much fun and certainly doesn’t sound hat interested.

Original poster

Datingdilemashmm · 02/09/2018 06:54

Yep there was more interaction in the beginning.. the first week or two. He's away this with his little girl visiting his family (in the UK).
I guess some eves there's a few more messages than one or two. Often there's only a few messages tho and no "gd night" which I find strange. He told me on date 4 he'd not logged onto his dating account and he's not seeing anyone else (we haven't declared we are official or anything as only 4 dates but neither of us are chatting or meeting others).

I guess I feel a bit more txting would develop the relationship. For example before date 4 there were no txts all day not even to say he was leaving home and looking fwd to seeing me. I almost felt like he'd lost interest but from moment he arrived he clearly was interested and very chatty etc and spoke about the future...

OP posts:

Ifailed · 02/09/2018 06:58

maybe he's one of those sensible people who don't feel the need to be constantly updating their 'status' and provide a running commentary?

InezGraves · 02/09/2018 07:01

Maybe he hasn’t read the manual that says texting the words ‘gd night’ indicate an appropriate level for commitment after four dates?

twilightsaga · 02/09/2018 07:04

I understand what you mean OP. I would prefer more communication than this. I suppose just see how it goes. If it gets even less then have a chat about it

twinnywinny14 · 02/09/2018 07:06

I was ina similar situation for a while and got fed up with what felt like a lack of interest. I ended up feeling like ‘if he wants to be around he would be’ so I finished it with him. I met my now DH soon after and it was clear how he felt from the beginning and there was no second guessing or confusion. Depends what you are happy with x

Tryingtogetitright · 02/09/2018 07:06

Met my DH on a blind date. Got on well, arranged to meet again in a fortnight (we lived a long way away). No text at all from him!!! I asked him why after we were official and he said that the date was already arranged - what did he need to text for? He's still not a text "chatter", only says what needs to be said! But been together 7 years and love him to bits
So don't dismiss your man yet... see how it goes.

RatRolyPoly · 02/09/2018 07:07

I would feel completely smothered if someone were texting me good morning and good night on the daily. To be honest just texting every day would be too much for me!

Perhaps he's not massive on texting?

InezGraves · 02/09/2018 07:08

But your last post says that sometimes there have been ‘a few more messages than one or two’ in the evenings — are you really just quibbling over whether or not he texts good night? In what way would texting ‘develop’ the relationship?

NotNachoing · 02/09/2018 07:14

What happens if you text good morning or good night?

joystir59 · 02/09/2018 07:26

I think you want a smothering kind of relationship. I've been married a long time and we've never texted each other good morning and good night. We were spending all day and night in bed though after a month. Is there any chemistry op?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/09/2018 07:27

I’ve been with DH for 18 years. If either of us is away from the other, it would never occur to either of us to text Good Morning or Good Night, don’t think it would occur to either of us.

At the beginning though we did spend ages on the phone every day that we weren’t together and the relationship has always felt very easy. I’ve never had any doubt about how he feels about me, even with his extreme lack of texting.

Did he just have more time to text if he was on holiday at the beginning? Is he working crazy hours now?

PookieDo · 02/09/2018 08:31

Yeah I am not one for this whole good morning/good night texting - unless I do end up texting late af night I may end the convo by saying off to bed, night.

Original poster

Datingdilemashmm · 02/09/2018 13:36

Yeh there is chemistry and great when together. In the beginning I guess it was to build up to a date now it's Kl more txting just to arrange dates and the odd hey how are u type message.

If i txt gd night he would send a kiss back or something lol. I guess I'm just used to with my ex he always txt gd night but not gd morn and not during day. I guess this guy just isn't much of a txter

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/09/2018 16:38

Well he’s defintely not much of a texter that’s for sure OP.

Lweji · 02/09/2018 16:45

It's only been four dates. Surely you are only getting to know each other and it's still a bit early for regular good morning and good night texts. I'd think it was too full on at the start. Let the relationship gain strength first.

Original poster

Datingdilemashmm · 02/09/2018 20:12

Lweji yes that's what I'm telling myself but when you've only had 4 dates .. one a week it's not nice turging up to each date like strangers due to the lack of contact between txts..I'm def not one to sit on my phone all night but I did think a bit of txting between dates could build up the connection.. I guess will just see how it goes on date 5!...

OP posts:

Original poster

Datingdilemashmm · 02/09/2018 20:13

*turning

OP posts:

PookieDo · 02/09/2018 20:16

I actually find it smothering and quite unsexy to feel like you are married off to someone straight away, it reminds me of married couples saying ‘night dear’ and ‘morning dear’ to someone I don’t know!

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2018 20:24

Not really commenting about dating but about making arrangements in general, I agree that once a meetup is set there should be no need to text again about the arrangements. I've noticed even friends doing that recently and I think it's down to the way we use technology now. I've had 'Are you still coming today/tomorrow' twice recently. Of course I'm still coming, why wouldn't I be?
Younger people are much worse for needing re-confirmation of things I find. I think they're more used to changing plans last minute.

Lweji · 02/09/2018 20:24

I think it's a good idea to keep contact between dates. It's the good morning or good night ones that I don't think it's necessary. Sure, it shows you're on their minds, but it's still not really contact.

How about you ring him, if he doesn't like texting? Or ask him to ring you?
You can lead by example with the amount of contact you want to have and see if he responds or offers alternatives you're happy with.

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