Dating someone who doesn't keep in touch much but when together it's great... what should I think??

[Datingdilemashmm]

I've been seeing someone for a month although only 4 dates (one a week). We went out for first three then dinner at mine date 4.. no sex but kissed.
When we are together he seems very keen to get to know me etc and said he'd told friends about me, offered to help me with some DIY! Ie a bit of 'future' talk but when we are apart he never texts good morning or good night which I find a shame as it's nice to let each other know you're on their mind. He will txt back if I txt asking how his days going but I'd say total texts a day is around 2 short ones each..

I really wouldn't want to txt all day and eve but a little more would be nice. I know that guys are different but do you think just one or two short msgs a day and no gd night msg is enough?

You’re not expecting texts every day, are you? I would find that suffocating and much too needy. You’re seeing each other every week and having a bit of contact inbetween, sounds fine to me.

Kalimkafoxtrot.. yes!! I was expecting txts every day after a month in! I'm gald u said that tho as maybe my expectations are wrong.. maybe I'm over thinking..That's whybrid I asked..I'd people think it's ok to date but not msg much then that makes me feel a lot more confident about the situation..I have to say tho I find it a bit hard to understand.. I mean one minute (on date 4 he's talking about helping me with my diy..coming over to paint and our kids meeting up..they are both same age.. 6.. and saying he has a wedding he'd like me to attend next year and then the next thing in between dates some proper cosy txting is suddenly "too much"?? That's what I don't get??

Sounds to me like he is keen on you, but not keen on texting. I had the exact same stress when I first started dating my husband, we would get on so well when we caught up, but I wouldn't hear much from him in between. The previous guys I had dated were much more text-y and I was expecting several messages a day so was insecure about it at first... I then learnt that he and his family are not much for text messages (I am now the most active one, with my SIL, on his family's whatasap group).

Like a PP said, suspect you have different expectations to him. I would go by how he is when you are together...

My best friend has dreadful luck with men, has no radar at all. Only dated a handful of guys in the last few years and everyone has turned out to be a player that after a few weeks having got what they want piss off. In all cases they have been guys that text a LOT, doing all the good morning, chatting by text very late at night, good night texts.

So, I think I'd prefer a guy who didn't text much but was great when I was with them. I'd more likely trust them and think they were sensible and not love bombing to get what they wanted.

Why do you think a good morning or good night text conveys that the person keeps you in mind? It could be that it's a common expectation, and therefore men, be they love bombing players, or decent men with honest intent believe that in order to get where they want they must send these texts. After a few days I'd be bored, it becomes predictable.

I'd prefer one or two phone calls between dates, and random text interaction when someone actually has something interesting to say, or shows a willingness to talk. A good night text doesn't invite conversation, it is lazy.

As for keeping someone in mind, yes I think this is a good sign. But I'm apt to think the player has you in mind at either end of the day, whilst a man who wants a relationship is more likely going to think of you and want to share that with you quite randomly throughout the day. When he sees something, or something amusing happens, or when he remembers something you've said.

Maybe it's not just timing, it's content to. What is texted is more important than when or how predictable it is.

It's not really a month in. It's four dates. It doesn't look like you knew each other before, so it's hardly a commitment. Unless there is a good reason for it, I'd expect more regular dates than once a week to actually feel in a relationship with someone. You're just getting to know each other so, take it easy. Build it up. Get on the phone if he doesn't like texting. Arrange for more frequent dates.

some proper cosy txting

What does that even mean, though? Does it involve meaningful content, as Mini says, or just 'gdnght babexx'?

You want reassurance from him that he thinks about you first thing in the morning and last thing at night before he goes to sleep. That’s why you really want this. It’s the deep need to feel secure and wanted by someone. Problem is it’s very heavy for 4 dates. He’s a stranger. That is reality. You don’t know each other very well and it sounds like he’s just dating someone and getting to know them. He doesn’t owe you reassurance

It’s only 4 dates, not a month of dating. You’re still strangers, not exclusive to each other. I think you’re expecting too much too soon and looking at it from the wrong perspective, you’re not in a relationship with him, it’s only 4 dates so far.

4 dates, not had sex but talking about children meeting up and attending a wedding next year.

Sounds like driving with the bithbthe accelerate and brake.

Who is pushing the children / wedding stuff?

Two texts a day already and sometimes a few more - would be too much for me personally - but each relationship has its own specific wants and needs

Perhaps he's not that into you

Ring him in between dates and see if he is better with a phone call?

Why on earth would you want your kids to meet after 4 weeks?? You barely know this guy, spend a bit more time getting to know each other and enjoying being a couple before you start getting the kids involved.

Talk on the phone between dates.

Read the book 'He's just not that into you'. I'm not saying he isn't, but the book makes it so plain and stops the over thinking and second guessing.