Was this assault

[panicalert]

Regular poster. Name changed

Having an argument with dp. I get upset and walk away into the kitchen. He follows me to make sure I'm ok as he didn't realise I was that upset.

I start ranting about how hard I'm trying, how much I have in my plate, how down I've been (waiting 9 months for counselling to start and my counsellor has cancelled twice so I've not even started yet). Had horrible family news yesterday, work from home with 2 young children and work until midnight most nights.

I can feel a panic attack coming on, I'm getting more anxious and upset because he doesn't understand why I'm upset, and I try and leave the room but he is standing with his arms on the doorframes and I quickly try and leave and he doesn't move instantly so I push one of his arms away so I can get out.

I go into the bedroom and he shouts 'brilliant. Physical assault. That's a new one. Can't trust you with the children how you're violent.'

And I'm worried my judgment is clouded but is that violence? There's no way in hell it hurt him and I just moved his arm away so I could duck under it and get out of our tiny kitchen.

Please tell me I'm not suddenly a violent abuser.

I just moved his arm.

I'm still worried about the throw away comment about trusting you with the kids. I hope I'm misreading it, from what you've said it sounds like you have some stress in your relationship. My first thought was that he's trying to get evidence to keep the kids from you if he left you.

I'm sorry if I'm reading this wrong, but do start taking note of these incidents so you can cover your back if necessary

It sounds like you have a handle on your BPD and that your relationship could at the very least use some space to allow you to feel able to be yourself without the stress of his behaviour. It doesn't sound healthy at all OP. And I will reiterate - it wasn't assault and your DP is trying to gaslight you.

I think he can see you getting stronger and doesn’t like it because then you can see him for what he is. It probably scares him and so it should.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames
Fucking hell, people don't half pedal some bullshit on here!

You mean like you can't be assaulted by someone weaker than you?

OP This wasn't assault just poor communication.

@Boney

I didn't say that, though. Ofc you can be assaulted by someone weaker than you. My comment was in response to the simplistic view taken by some posters that the OP had assaulted her DP because if the genders were reversed, it would be an assault. There are reasons why an action from a man towards a woman may be perceived as violent and an assault as opposed to the same action from a woman towards a man. I 100% agree that you can be assaulted by someone weaker than you.

Did he see or realise you were having a panic attack?

I have suffered panic attacks and they are just dreadful. I know you need to get out of that situation asap. But for him to say assault to you moving him arm out the way does seem extreme to me. It does sound like he was blocking your exit. So no I don't think you are an abuser.. I think you need support and I think he needs to give it to you