Pub

[Lozxx]

I just need your opinion's on this subject. So I have a 15 month old with my partner, he loves the pub. Every week I have to hear about him wanting to go to the pub alone (he has no friends) I've tried to explain that on the day you cannot just say you are going to the pub because we have a family and things are different to when it was just us or he was single. We battle daily about him wanting to go to the pub, I hate that he hasn't changed his ways😩 am I overreacting or not? I worry about his health, the money he spends, the time he will miss with us. Now I know people need down time but I'm trying to find him something that's good for him

Going to the pub obsessively alone spells drinking problem to me?

How often would you feel comfortable with him going? Every Thursday, say? And every Tuesday you have the evening out alone.

If he's wanting to go out every evening then he's probably not suited to parenthood. When you were TTC did you both agree that your lives would be changing dramatically?

He doesn't have a drinking problem per say but it's a thing he's always done to "socialise" as he has no friends. It's like a habit he can't break.
We did discuss when TTC that our lives would be different because we've got the family we've always wanted. I feel every week is a lot, I said twice a month roughly. We need to buy a house and I feel like him being 10 years older he should be at that thinking stage where I'm ready to settle🤔

Every week for a few pints isn't that much. Sounds like you both need "a thing" once a week each and the a day soley as a family.

In your OP I though you meant every night.

Every week, once a week that is. It sounds like he just wants one night to himself and that's okay.

You need the same.

He says roughly 4x a week that he wants to go out

How about he goes once a week and then once a week you go with him? Then once a week you get to do what you want?

Btw I meant the when you go with him you go as a family, perhaps early doors and eat there

I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t let him go to the pub for a few pints one evening a week? What would he say if you wanted to go out one evening? Just because you have a child doesn’t mean you can’t do things you want/like to do, you’re not joined at the hip? Do you ever go out together? I do find this weird that you’re so controlling, I wouldn’t want my oh saying I couldn’t do something especially for a couple of hours once a week!

Does he have pub friends then? Regulars he’ll bump into for a chat?
Once a week sounds ok to me.

4x a week is a but much I agree. Compromise with him. 1 Or 2 times a week. You get the same.
This is easily resolved honestly.

Butcis he asking 4x a week to go once a week? Because you’re saying he can’t even go once a week.

I think yabu if it’s 1 evening a week and he’s not going out until crazy o’clock.

How long does he spend there each time?

How much is he drinking when he goes out?

I don't get the socialising bit, your op sounded like he wanted to go out every night alone drinking but now it's a couple of times a week to socialise?

Just trying to understand properly.

Can you and the baby not go with him sometimes?
I agree that 4x a week is a lot when you have a family but surely you can compromise. He goes once on his own and you join him another time? You also need to make sure you have down time too.

Having no friends must be hard. I think once or twice a week is fine. He might just like a bit of time to himself and the occasional chat with the regulars.

I'll clarify, he would go out as much as possible if I allowed it. For 16 years of his life he would go pub 3x a week roughly. It's generally the fact I worry for his health, I want him to go out in the week and find a hobby just not to the pub. I go see my friends and do dinner and stuff. He classes going to the pub and talking to people he doesn't know as socialising. He will drink say 9/10 pints along side other stuff and stay out for 5/6 hours.

Oops thought he was going out 4x a week. One night a week is absolutely fine just make sure you get some time too.

Also, i still think you could all go together occasionally too.

Always the same pub? I bet the landlord loves him!

9/10 pints a week over 3 trips to the pub?

Tbh I class going to the pub and talking to the regulars as socialising too.
Could you not go with him?
I agree though, that amount of alcohol a few times a week is a lot!

I want him to go out in the week and find a hobby just not to the pub.

Some people like the pub. You're on a hiding to nothing to try and change what he's interested in and how often he does it.

Having "pub friends" who you chat to in the pub but don't talk to outside of it isn't unusual; and it's allowing him to socialise and probably doing his mental health a world of good if he really has no other friends.

Stop fighting him over going once a week. If he goes more than that; maybe join him sometimes? And if he starts going every day; you've got problems - but if you're already battling about every attendance now; he wouldn't take you seriously if that became an issue.

Me too Blaa, he likes sitting chatting to regulars, you like ginger out and chatting to your friends. Not sure what difference it make to you who he talks to!

If he goes to the same pub regularly he will have friends ....pub friends! Which is fine ( I have a few of them!)

Once a week for a few pints doesn’t sound a lot to me.. if he’s only going for a few hours, say between 8 to 10pm on a Tuesday and Thursday, I’m not seeing that as excessivel. Actually it’s a good things he’s off out, socialising.. maybe suggest that to him rather than 4x a week

You could do the same, couple of hours a few times a week seeing friends? Meet up for a meal or a cuppa. It’s healthy and important to have ‘you’ time, and that goes for both of you