Family Expenses

[Irinn]

Dear All, I'd like to ask you to share your experience and give some advises on next.
My husband and I been married around 1.5 year, we have a 1yo son. I'm not from England and moved here last November, been mom at home and from September I'm starting a new job here. Since November all expenses were on my husband and now he announced me that as I'm going to start working, I have to pay half of the all bills. I'm not agree on that as if I'll do so, I'll have 0 left from my salary. So I suggested to go proportional as my husband's salary is 3-4 times higher than mine and that will leave me around 1000 a month for my own expenses. On what he said "What for do you need that much money??? Thats too much!"... So I'm a bit blown away with that. He didn't pay a penny towards expenses when I was pregnant and when I was abroad for 3 months with the baby on my own and now he is telling me about "partners" and "team". I left my job at home and my carrier opportunities, left my family and friends for being with him here and now I'm hearing that I can't have my own money and if I'm not agree with him, I can get out and rent the place on my own.

Is it really how it works here or I should report financial abuse?

Thanks in advance!
Cheers!

He won't take the baby if you split. I guarantee my life savings he won't even go for 50/50. Men rarely do, they're not interested. I suspect you'll be a single parent in the very near future.
My DH earns 3-4 times what I do and we each pay a % of our salary into a joint account for bills and spend the remainder of our 'free' money individually as we wish. Thats fair and was discussed before we married and had DC. I take it you didn't?
He's an arse. Good luck to you.

Don't know... he might try to take the baby, just because of his crappy nature, to make me more miserable.
I would be happy to become a single parent!
We didn't discuss that much. We were living in different countries before the baby was born and budget question didn't occur. But he told me once or twice about this "partnership, 50/50, etc" on what I said that it won't happen. Im not agree with concept of 50/50 as I'm carrying the baby, delivering the baby, taking care of it, taking care of house and though its his job to make sure that his family has where to live and what to eat. Otherwise if I'm doing all that + providing him financial relief , then whats his role?... Anyway, I said that I will be participating in our expenses, but not 50%, there conversation was finished

We did a budget. All our money goes into the joint account, everything above the budget amount goes in to joint savings, we have savings for other things included in the budget (eg. The kids etc) our bills come out, and we have x amount per week to spend on daily living. We also transfer x amount for our hobbies to our own account, which we can save/spend on whatever we want, but purely for fun or on a whim type set up - kind of a ooooh free money type thing!

On a monthly income of 9-10k, you must have one hell of a shopping/personal grooming habit, or your dp is being an arse.

I’m sorry, I’d only read page one before posting - I’ve now rtft and can see it’s abuse. I apologise for my flippant comment. 😳

I agree that he is an arse I guess I just will be giving money as much as I can and thats it)) if he is unhappy with that, I can't do anything.

I agree that he is an arse I guess I just will be giving money as much as I can and thats it)) if he is unhappy with that, I can't do anything.

Please sure you leave yourself a fair amount each month. I’d say £1k as at the very least bearing in mind he’d still have £4k. Maybe you could start a savings account in your own name if you don’t need all the spare money in case you need to set up on your own/return home.

Don't give 50%. It's mad. It seems like having less money is better, less arguments! You both will have a lot of money, he really should be fine with paying the bills and leaving you with your money to spend on whatever but then again I don't think if have regular clothes expenses. I used to be a big spender and cut down. Commercialism no fun nowadays.

Really, he needs to manage his money so I wouldn't even put my money in a joint account with him. What if he mismanages your money too and expects you to pay all bills? Think carefully.

@HeckyPeck thats what I want as a minimum. I'm sure I'll be able to save at least half if won't be doing any shopping. as more I'm thinking - return home sounds like the best idea.

@babba2014 fully agree. no one can even understand why man with a good salary would be asking for money, especially in such manner. My parents are shocked, would be interesting to know what his would say if would know