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Original poster

Should I trust my gut?

42 replies

Looneyloo · 30/08/2018 23:19

I’m really in need of some advice.

Been with current partner 2 + years. On Tuesday he said he wouldn’t be able to see me today (Thursday) as he had a really busy work schedule. Yesterday I was getting dressed in my bedroom and his phone was lying on my chest of drawers. A text came through from (I think) his friend which read “yea, I’ll get ready once I’ve had a haircut and been to the gym, see you then” He hadn’t mentioned anything to me about seeing a friend but I just left asking him about it. He worked from home yesterday at my place. Tonight I went into my kitchen cupboard and noticed a bag of alcohol was missing. He had obviously taken it out yesterday, while I was at work and put it in his car so he could take it home with him today, without me seeing he had taken it.

What I don’t understand is

  1. Why would he arrange to meet his friend and no the tell me about it.
  2. Why go out of his way to take the bag of alcohol out to the car when I’m at work? Why not just leave it at the bottom of the hall (where he leaves the rest of his stuff lying) and take it to the car when he was leaving.

I actually feel like I’m going crazy for thinking there’s something in this, but, I really think he was actually planning on seeing his friend tonight and drinking but didn’t want to tell me. Why though? He also said he can’t see me tomorrow as he has a an all day/night work doo to go to.

I did text him earlier about the bag of alcohol and he basically sent a big rant back saying I was off my head.

Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 30/08/2018 23:22

Always trust your gut.
The rant about alcohol was guilt?

Original poster
Looneyloo · 30/08/2018 23:27

I’ve honesy had the most horrible anxiety and feeling in my gut all day that he was either keeping something from me or lying to me about something.

I’m not normally an anxious person.

Then I saw the bag of alcohol was missing! But I really don’t know if I’ve put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5.

OP posts:
IrishDadof2 · 30/08/2018 23:27

You're not being paranoid when he's clearly hiding something from you. Can't have a relationship without trust.

C0untDucku1a · 30/08/2018 23:29

A bag of alcohol? What’s in the bag?

Yes he is lying. He is making out youre crazy.

Do you live together? Whats he like normally?

MellowMelly · 30/08/2018 23:35

I would say trust your gut. I think it’s really strange about the alcohol and the rant he had back at you telling you that you were ‘off your head’. Sort of like he has been caught out (at god knows what) but is deflecting it back on you.

I’m presuming there is not another person in the house that could of taken the alcohol?

HollowTalk · 30/08/2018 23:39

He stole alcohol from your house and he lied about where he'd be?

Dump him.

Original poster
Looneyloo · 30/08/2018 23:40

@C0untDucku1a - beers, ciders & vodka.

No we don’t live together, although I have been asking him to move in with me for around 6 months (I own, he rents) but he won’t, says there’s no security for him if he moves into mine as I could kick him out whenever I liked.

I have caught him lying a couple of times. Once when he “went missing” for 2 days. Turns out he had been at “a girl that goes to his gym party” he said he ended up there as he met her in a nightclub and she invited him and his friend back. Again, my gut told me this was BS but I had no proof - until I found texts on his phone a fe months later that he had stupidly forgot to delete. Turns out he had actually been texting her beforehand and asking him to pick him and his friend up so they could go to hers.

The other lie was horrendous. He said he beat a guy up and was being charged with attempted murder. I was at my wits end. Then things weren’t adding up and I asked to see the discharge papers from the police station. When he couldn’t produce them, he came clean that it was all a lie.

He’ll lie about being really busy at work too but then he’s online on Facebook and WhatsApp all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Looneyloo · 30/08/2018 23:43

@mellow

He admitted taking the bag after I noticed it was gone and asked him about it, but made out I was crazy for suggesting he was doing it behind my back. Obviously he was though, why would he not have just taken it while I was there? Why take it out and hide it away in to boot of his car while I’m at work?

OP posts:
Babdoc · 30/08/2018 23:44

Good grief, OP, this just gets worse and worse! He’s a pathological liar and a thief, and goodness knows if he’s even faithful, with all this disappearing off to parties with other women.
If your gut is saying “Leave” - listen to it!

Mrskeats · 30/08/2018 23:44

That last bit is disturbing.
He sounds deranged.

Original poster
Looneyloo · 30/08/2018 23:54

Sorry, I’ve just noticed loads of typos/spelling mistakes on my posts. Just so weary and my phone is autocorrecting my bad typing 🙄

OP posts:
MellowMelly · 30/08/2018 23:55

I’m in agreement with the other posters @Looneyloo.

He is sounding more odd the more you write about him and that lie about being charged with attempted murder Confused
What on Earth was he hoping to gain out of a lie like that?

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 06:44

He is a liar. How you stayed with him after the assault lie I don't know. I think you need to talk to someone about why you stayed with him.

Please, leave this utter lunatic. You must have low self esteem and/or think you won't find better to accept this joke of a man.

He won't change.

BleakBetty · 31/08/2018 06:50

Trust your gut on this one.

Sounds like he’s a proven liar, keeps the truth from you and doesn’t want to fully commit by moving in with you.

Up to you where you go from here, but sending Flowers

KeiTeNgeNge · 31/08/2018 06:52

Let this one go, he’s no good for you and certainly stop pushing for him to move into yours

cakecakecheese · 31/08/2018 06:52

Well I wasn't a fan of his when you said he went on a rant in response to a reasonable question, then I read the attempted murder thing and I thought WTF?! He sounds dodgy and I don't think you're ever going to be able to completely trust him.

Original poster
Looneyloo · 31/08/2018 07:21

I know, the attempted murder thing is crazy. Apparently he made the whole thing up to get his mum to feel sorry for him so she would let him stay at hers for a few days Confused

His mum, quite rightly so, panicked and called me straight away to tell me, as she believed him at the time too.

Then when he saw how genuinely upset I was about it he started saying things like...the police had called him and they were reducing the charge to assault because the guy said he couldn’t remember anything and the witness statements didn’t match etc... I knew when he started coming out with that, something wasn’t right so I asked to see the discharge papers from the police station. When he couldn’t produce them, he came clean (in an e-mail) that he had made the whole thing up for the reasons I said above.

I know it was stupid of me to forgive him after that but he seemed genuinely sorry and gutted about telling such a horrible lie. At this time, he also made out he was going to move in, but that obviously never happened and he was just saying that to take the focus off what was actually happening at the time.

OP posts:
StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 31/08/2018 07:26

I remember you posting about the attempted murder lie.

Come on, you should have ended it then.

LellyMcKelly · 31/08/2018 07:31

He sounds like a complete and utter nut job. A lying, cheating, stealing nut job. Get rid of him. He sounds dreadful.

C0untDucku1a · 31/08/2018 07:35

Dump
Him. Why on earth would you want him to live with you????? Dump
Him and block him on everything. Do not allow him to
Contact you. Because he will. With loads of promises he wont have any intention of keeping.

BackInTheRoom · 31/08/2018 07:48

I did text him earlier about the bag of alcohol and he basically sent a big rant back saying I was off my head.'

Gaslighting?

'No we don’t live together, although I have been asking him to move in with me for around 6 months (I own, he rents) but he won’t, says there’s no security for him if he moves into mine as I could kick him out whenever I liked.'

Because he is worried you'll eventually find out about him and his lies at some point?

'The other lie was horrendous. He said he beat a guy up and was being charged with attempted murder.'

The depths of his lying..... The lengths he went to....

crappyday2018 · 31/08/2018 08:01

I have had my fair share of liars in my time so my advice is to get rid of him. He;s lying about the most ridiculous stuff too which is worrying. If he wanted to go out with his mate, why not just say that and "I'm taking this drink with me".
As for the lie about attempted murder, I have no words for that.
He sounds extremely immature.
Why are you letting him get away with telling you such nonsense?
He probably gets a power kick from lying to you.

MrsMozart · 31/08/2018 08:10

Step away from this one, unless you really want to feel like this for the rest of your life lass.

Velvetbee · 31/08/2018 08:15

How old is he? He sounds about 14!

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 08:16

Agree, if it was just a male friend he'd have said. Most likely OW. Please get rid of him. Lying about booze is the least of his problems. He's a total weirdo. You can do way better

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